Canuckian's Evil Twin

2K10

2010-01-04T21:50:00.003Z

happy new year!

i came across this quote today:

"be at war with your vices, at peace with your neighbours and let every New Year find you a better person." - benjamin franklin

pretty good quote to start the new year off, methinks.

my main vice at the moment (heck, at every moment) is FOOD. oh food, glorious food, why do you have to taste so good? i spent most of december baking cookies and eating about 90% of them (share? what do you mean share?). a plethora of pounds of butter and sugar have made their way to my rapidly-growing mid-sectional paunch, i.e. overflow, muffin top, spare tire, etc. momma needs to join a gym and lose some weight!

on the pharmacy front, i sent off a pile of documents to the college today in the hopes that they will grant me a reduction in the number of hours i need to fulfill in order to become a licensed pharmacist, seeing as i have loads of canadian pharmacy experience already. all available appendages are crossed!

this is my last week of unemployment (or as i like to call "non-working") before i start work at a local community pharmacy. i'll be paid an assistant's wage until the college decides to grant me my reduction and allow me to start fulfilling whatever number of hours i need to fulfill. at that point i'll be making a bit more coin. i'm not a money-grubber by any stretch of the imagination but loan repayments are a knockin' and CET needs to be a payin'.

over and out!

CET

fire and brimstone, of the pharmaceutical variety

2009-12-28T03:30:00.004Z

it's been a busy three months of unemployment, that's for sure. fortunately (unfortunately?) it was self-inflicted, as i ended my summer job at the hospital so i could study full-time for the month leading up to my licensing exams. that was ALL of october. all of it. my days were filled with finding the will to get out of bed, walking chili dog as he expects me to every morning, then cracking open the textbook where i left off the night before and trying to cram as much as i possibly could into my brain.

lather, rinse, repeat. lather, rinse, repeat.

by the time the exams came around in early november, i was a jittery stressball of nerves and little patience. i was so stressed i even broke out in hives the week of my exams. the exams themselves were (to this point) the hard thing i've ever had to do; it was like paying almost two grand (which i did) for the privilege of getting beat to pulp for 4-6 hours a day, for three days.

i bawled like a baby when it was all over, partly for the sheer relief of having it done with and partly because i thought i didn't do well enough to pass. a week after the exams (and with my hives magically disappearing), i flew to london to attend my graduation ceremony.

it was SOOO good to see my friends again and to experience the pomp and circumstance of graduation. donning the expansive black robe and over-sized mortar board; grinning from ear to ear as a million flashbulbs go off; walking across the stage, shaking the dean's hand, the culmination of four years of hard work, a plethora of emotions and an infinite number of memories, captured in one piece of paper.

it felt good.

back over the ocean again to sit and wait for my exam results. after six weeks of waiting, when judgment day finally came, i didn't even want to check the results online, the truth being so near it terrified me. after putting it off for most of the morning and part of the afternoon, i set up the laptop on the bed and set chili dog right beside it; he was my moral support and i needed him to be there for me, good or bad. i scrolled through the list of ID numbers to find mine; if it was there it meant i passed and if it wasn't well then you know...down, down, down through the list and there, like a sweet surprise after an eternal day, it greeted me. i gasped when i saw it as i truly did not expect to; i then grabbed chili dog and covered his belly with my sobs of sheer joy and relief! i had passed!

now it's more paperwork (of the aggravating administrative variety), more money handed over and more waiting, before i can start to fulfill the required number of in-service hours to become a licensed pharmacist. i will gladly endure the aggravation however, as the main hurdle to licensure has been overcome.

i have my good days and my bad days; my happy days and moody cow days. i just try to remember that i am so lucky to have this opportunity to get a great education, a life experience and a professional career.

BRING IT ON.

brief update

2009-10-05T19:29:00.003+01:00

hello!

so i'm done my summer placement at the hospital and am now in full study mode, when my melodramatic grandma and my dog allow me; i have my licensing exams coming up in november. EEK! shitting bricks is more like it. not much to report other than that. i'd like to do a little more "opening up" and a little more bitching on this blog but time does not allow, plus people i know read this blog and so i can't necessarily bitch about them now, can i? then again, it's my blog and i'll rant if i want to. anyhoo, i hope this finds you happy and in good spirits. pray for me.

CET :o)

the winding road

2009-08-25T22:06:00.003+01:00

hello hello!

yes, it's been a while. crazy busy and busy crazy pretty much sums up the summer so far:

completion of degree: yes, i have now officially completed (and passed) my pharmacy degree! WOOT WOOT! four years. FOUR YEARS!!! i must say it feels good. four years of blood, sweat, tears and a pile of money the size of a small town and now i get to put some letters after my name. Six letters to be exact - MPharm. nice! :oD

the crazy thing is that this is JUST THE BEGINNING. now comes licensure in ontario, canada and with that is a whole new pile of blood, sweat, tears and money. yikes. speaking of which, i have moved back to toronto, canada for good. time to get licensed and start paying off some billz. it was hard leaving london - not the city itself (which don't get me wrong, i love) - but the people i've met and have become friends with these past four years; i am missing them tons. it's always that way wherever you go: while in city A you miss the people in city B and while in city B you miss the people in city A. i'm just going to have to live with it i suppose. i will be seeing them at the graduation ceremony this fall, so that'll be good. a riot, actually, it'll be a riot! i already can't wait.

so as soon as i landed on canadian soil i had to write the first of many exams towards licensure; this one was a two-day exam covering everything i've learned in the last four years (and then some), as it was an equivalency exam that all foreign-taught/trained students/pharmacists have to take. three hundred multiple choice questions over two days. yikes. i swear my blood pressure must've been markedly higher in the month leading up to this exam; shitting bricks doesn't even begin to describe it. when all was said and done though it was tough for sure, but not as tough as i thought it would be. i thought it would be impossibly difficult but it was possibly difficult and do-able. i had to draw on every brain cell for the answers but i managed, and more importantly, i passed! can i hear another WOOT WOOT!!!

my joy at passing was short-lived however as now i have to start preparing for the licensure exams in november: another two-day, multiple choice exam followed by a one-day practical exam known as the OSCEs. double yikes. i am loathe to pick up the textbooks again but pick them up i must; if i'm MIA from this blog for another couple of months you now know why.

returning home and settling back in has been pretty smooth; in all honesty it feels like another summer at home after a school year away - a part of me expects to be flying back to london come late september! reconnecting with family and friends has been good, and the best part is that i'm not trying to squish as many visits in with friends as i normally am before returning to london, because i don't have to go back this time! sweet! i can plan meetings, parties and hangouts at my leisure.

i do miss the complete independence i had when i was in london; no one to answer to, no one's schedule to follow but my own. living with the family again has been an adjustment for sure, and one of the biggest adjustments has been having to tell my parents where i'm going and when i'll be home. sigh. it's not like i'm an adult or anything. :oS

what i don't miss about london is the loneliness i felt. you can be alone and not be lonely, but while in london there were times where i felt alone AND lonely. london's that kind of a place (though i'm sure most big cities are like that to some extent).

anyhoo, so that's pretty much the last two months in a nutshell. plugging away, plugging away, until i can legally deal drugs in the province of ontario. i'm excited.

CET :o)

anger

2009-06-22T18:53:00.002+01:00

just thought i'd expunge this here so i can get on with painting my toenails.

remember how ex-T didn't tell me about his engagement, leaving the dirty work to friends?

so my phone rang just a little while ago; i check the caller ID and it's ex-T. i wasn't expecting to hear from him for - oh i don't know, ever - so i hesitated for a few rings before answering it. he heard from a mutual friend that i was leaving town for good soon and so wanted to say one last hello and wish me all the best. throughout the exchange of niceties i kept debating whether or not to call him out on his cowardliness; on one hand "let sleeping dogs lie" and all that, but on the other i thought "fuck, why should i hang up without saying anything?" so nearing the end of the conversation i say "isn't there something you're forgetting?" to which he immediately replied "oh, that i'm engaged?" um yeah DUH, that you're engaged and forgot to tell me. at first he claims that he already told me, or at least he thought so, then he says he forgot, as he had to tell so many people that he must've forgotten to tell me. right.

i told him that it wasn't all that nice having to hear news like that from mutual friends (quite shit, frankly) when it's something that he should have told me himself. he then goes on - and this confirms for me YET AGAIN, why breaking up with him was the right thing to do - to imply that he's the VICTIM, that he's the victim of my horrible accusations. sigh. once a coward, always a coward.

even if it was true, that he sincerely thought he told me and that if he didn't it was an oversight, what a shitty thing to do to someone who was your first girlfriend (he's engaged to his second) for three years and the first person you ever loved and deeply at that?

i got off the phone with him and my hands were shaking. i hate how after all these years he can still affect me like that.

this particular boy sucks the chunk monkey SO large right now.

CET

solstice and all that

2009-06-21T23:08:00.006+01:00

hey party people!

less than a month since my last post and so much (yet so little) has happened:

degree done: i finished my last set of exams for my pharmacy degree!!! WOOHOO!!! words cannot describe the utter joy that i felt when i walked out of the exam hall. all of us fourth years gathered on the steps outside the school and whooped it up; well okay it was only me jumping up and down and doing the jig - c'mon you brits, show a little emotion! - but regardless, a HUGE sense of relief washed over us and it was a good feeling.

the hook up that didn't happen: i'm apparently quite the seductress when i put my mind to it! don't really want to go into the details but i basically seduced my way into a classmate's bed, only to stop before things REALLY got started. i fully admit to being the temptress but when it came down to it i actually used my head instead of my loins, which does happen very often! i'm good friends with this guy and i just didn't want it to get weird or awkward (which i knew it would because it inevitably does), plus i wasn't all that attracted to him in the first place! it was more a "he was there, we were alone, why not?" type of deal. not worth the momentary pleasure, i thought. i can see us being good friends for a long while and so put the brakes on it before it went too far. yay me for abstaining for once! :oD

and then today i read this article in the guardian. food for thought...

the studying continues: instead of whooping it up, travelling a bit and having an all round good time in london before heading home, i'm stuck at my desk studying for a big exam back in canada at the beginning of july. it's an evaluating exam that all foreign-trained pharmacists/pharmacy students have to take (and pass) before writing the actual licensing exam. so no relaxation for me just yet. :o(

well, that's not true, i am heading to barcelona for a total of 48 hours this week, to meet up with my classmates who have been travelling through portugal and spain while i've been at home revising. they're ending their trip in barcelona and although i couldn't do the full trip with them, i can sure as hell do the last two days!

i'm leaving london for good on july 3rd. no more flying back and forth anymore - this is it! well, i'll be back for convocation in november but you know what i mean; it's the end of quite a significant chapter in my life. i think i've posted about this already but yes, i am ready to move on. i'm ready to be in one place for longer than six months; i'm (very) ready to move on with establishing my career. onward and upward for this pharmacist-in-training!

i'm sure i could speak more on my feelings about leaving but there's no time for introspection now; let me just get through this evaluating exam in one piece and then i'll be as introspective as you want.

happy summer solstice!

back to studying,
CET :o)

here's a debate for you

2009-05-24T17:23:00.002+01:00

i had a recent email debate with an ex of mine (the only ex i still speak to, come to think of it) about whether it's better to withhold the truth in order to avoid conflict, or tell the truth and deal with the consequence, even if the consequence is conflict. he said some people value avoiding conflict over telling the truth, while i say that telling the truth is the right thing to do, as avoiding conflict just makes you chicken shit. what do you think?

and i know my next statement is a GROSS generalization but it is one made based on my own personal experiences these last few years: canadian guys value telling the truth while british guys value avoiding conflict.

my ex (the one i had the debate with) has always been honest and direct in all his dealings with me, when we were together and now as friends; i respected french-canadian guy because he told me straight up that he had started seeing someone who wanted the same things he did (i.e. a relationship), and that he didn't want to jeopardize that by seeing me, as i only wanted something casual. both are canadian.

on the other hand, my british ex (remember "ex-T?") recently avoided telling me that he got engaged, leaving the dirty work to mutual friends. remember londoner? we had a brief fling before i left for canada for the summer, back at the end of second year; he avoided telling me that he had started seeing someone while i was away, and only came out with the truth when i called him on it. and youngin'? oh my god, don't even get me started on him. i won't go into the gory details but suffice it to say that there were SHITLOADS of things that i didn't find out until well after the fact, because he was too afraid/chicken shit to tell me. all of them are british (or english if i have to be specific - don't want to drag the lovely scots, welsh and northern irishmen into the cesspool of deceit if they don't deserve it).

so there you go. why do you think this is so? what are your opinions/conspiracy theories? am i just particularly "lucky" in meeting all these english guys who avoid the truth like the plague? why do they give the truth so little value? maybe i give the truth too high a value. then again, maybe not.

what are your thoughts? your own experiences? any insight is greatly appreciated.

CET :o)

yeah, whatever.

2009-05-19T11:16:00.002+01:00

the builder who tried to pick me up yesterday stops me today and says "you know what i said yesterday? well i apologize; i was just trying to be friendly" (yeah, "friendly", right. "friendly" is not asking if i have a husband and then giving me the bedroom eyes). he continues to say that his boss "roughed him up" when he caught wind of what happened - i'm sorry, like i'm suppose to feel bad for you? you're only apologizing to me because you got the verbal bitchslap from your boss. i wanted to tell him that the walls of this house are thin; i heard everything his boss said to him and you know what? he deserved it! take that creepoid!

CET :o)

um no.

2009-05-18T19:41:00.002+01:00

one of the builders today tried to pick me up.

he asked if i had a husband. my "what the fuck?" face made him ask "why not? don't you want one?" uh yeah perhaps but he definitely won't be you buddy! then he asked if he could take me out for a drink sometime. i told him no; thanks but no thanks. he insisted so i busted out the "i'm leaving the country soon" and "i'm in the middle of exams" to shut him up.

i find out later from my landlord that he's married.

dickhead.

grecian sun

2009-05-15T00:02:00.007+01:00

well i'm finally back in my own house...the bathroom's not 100% finished but at least the shower, toilet and sink are working again. i had such a great time staying with my friend at his flat though, i didn't want to leave! hanging out with him made me miss having a flatmate. don't get me wrong, i like living with my landlord, but it's definitely not the same as living with a friend.

i'm feeling a bit better about things, though i'm still scared about the future. i cleared things up with one of the people who hurt me so that's good; we came to the unanimous decision that he's a big fat idiot and that he's sorry, so i'm moving on. i also got to see "wolverine" this week in theatres; seeing hugh jackman semi or completely naked always brightens my day.

i thought posting some pics of my recent trip to greece would cheer up the few readers of this blog, so here they are:

the parthenon!

there were lots of stray dogs everywhere. here's one lying in the shadow of the parthenon.

canuckian and canuckian's evil twin!

athens was also covered in graffiti; this is a great pic of graffiti found in the gazi area.

mmm, "donuts"...

sunset over the harbour in aegina.

wee baby turtle amongst the ruins of keramikos!

st georgios church on top of lykavittos hill.

best tzatziki i've tried yet.

sunset over athens, viewed from atop lykavittos hill.

ah, to be back in the sunshine again...

CET :o)

wick's end

2009-05-10T01:15:00.003+01:00

and so another month flies by.

i don't know if you're aware, but i'm nearing the end of my degree and therefore the end of my time in london; i'll be returning to canada at the beginning of july.

so many thoughts and yet i don't know what to say.

to be honest i am glad that this chapter in my life is ending. don't get me wrong; i love london and have had a wonderful time here these past four years and have met and made such amazing friends. coming here for pharmacy school was the last thing i ever expected to do but now that i've done it (and almost finished) i can say that i've made the most of my time here and have many cherished memories to always remember london by. i have no regrets (save for a few boys perhaps).

i'm almost finished a four year degree and yet it feels like the path to becoming a pharmacist is only just beginning.

i want the cog wheels of my life and career to move forward, and yet i'm afraid of moving forward at the same time.

i sometimes wonder if i have enough brain power and capacity to become a pharmacist! i have enough heart i know that, but my brain seems a little less reliable. these licensing exams are SCARY SHIT!

i wish i wasn't so melancholy today but a shit week will do that to a person.

i've been sick this whole week with a flu of some description (if i had a penny for the number of times i've heard "swine flu"...); my landlord's renovating the bathroom so i've been staying at a friend's place this week. i've also had three assignment deadlines this week, which has meant late night after late night of work, culminating in a marathon session that had me up until 4:30am friday morning finishing an assignment due that afternoon, followed by working at the bar all friday night. i am tired. i am burnt out. and i haven't even reached exams yet.

a couple of people this week have also hurt and disappointed me deeply. why do people have no regard for how i feel? why does selfishness pervade? why is it so hard for people to do what they say and say what they do? why is it so hard to tell the truth? it is all i ask of anyone and yet the truth is something that seems to evade me. it's like a sick joke.

in some small measure i am glad to be leaving london for the simple fact that it takes me far away from these people who have hurt me.

but this isn't meant to be a whingy post. this is just me trying to sort out my heart and my mind so i can take a deep breath for this last push to the end of finals.

goodnight and good luck,

CET

anguished sentinel is framed!

2009-04-09T13:31:00.003+01:00

remember how i bought a painting from not keith? it is now framed - check it out!

it was the best i could do without getting glare off the glass. my landlord framed it; he even put a little window at the back so one can see the note not keith wrote for me! the painting's going to hang above my bed; i'll post more pics once it's in place.

i love it!

CET :o)

pink cab, pink banana

2009-04-09T13:25:00.003+01:00

some pics of quirky things along commercial street and great eastern street, shoreditch:

a very phallic-looking pink banana.

i wonder if people live up there?

looks like a character from a video game or cartoon.

CET :o)

holla for hellas

2009-04-04T19:27:00.005+01:00

hey hey party people!

loveliness: my friends and i hopped into a black cab during the lunch hour a few fridays ago, the day before our school's spring ball; we were making the short trip from our school to the hotel, with party favours and decorations filling the space in the cab. our cab driver was a lovely, white-haired man whose birthday was that very day - 70 years young! - and who filled the short drive with details of his birthday celebrations that evening. he also informed us of him and his wife's upcoming 40th (or 50th?) wedding anniversary. he positively beamed as he told us of his surprise for his wife: a trip to barcelona where their kids and grandkids would be there to surprise her. so sweet! i wanted him to stop the cab so i could hop out, run over to the his window and kiss him right then and there. HE'S the kind of man i want, definitely.

at the end of the short journey we got out of the cab and he said the ride was free! we insisted on paying him though and tipped him generously for being so unbelievably positive and sweet. my insides could not stop squealing - this man was so lovely - for a good long while afterwards. nothing gets me more emotional than:

a) war veterans,
b) war memorials, and
c) old people love.

he had old people love in spades.

spring ball: it was a success! i'm so glad, because it was bloody hard work to make it one! the evening unfolded smoothly and glitch-free, except for the part where i almost could not zip up my dress! here's a couple of pics:

needless to say it looked smashing on me. ;o)

a bunch of us girls spent the night at the hotel and it was pure girly sleepover fun! no, no, no you dirty-minded people, we weren't having a pillow fight in our underwear, we instead catapulted ourselves on the beds in all ways one can catapult oneself; we gossiped about the people at the ball (best dressed, worst dressed), viewed all the pics we took with our plethora of cameras, and generally refused to sleep until the wee hours of the morning. GOOD TIMES.

bhangra: oh dear jeebus and fellow readers, pray for me! we've had two practices so far - just two - and the show is not too far away. we're suppose to start practicing "intensively" starting with a session this thursday, followed by daily practices after the end of easter break; i'm going to need every second of practice i can get! i'm seriously starting to shit bricks over this now, as i'm the only "non-indian" dancer in the troupe so i will stick out like a sore thumb; if i suck, it's REALLY going to show. eek.

greece: only a few sleeps away until i'm basking in the greek sunshine! i absolutely cannot wait. i have a week there with canuckian and we're hoping to hit an island (or two), visit the oracle at delphi, and perhaps partake in the greek orthodox easter holidays. we'll be staying with a friend whom we haven't seen in six years! should be a memorable time.

london burlesque festival: on friday my friends and i attended the newcomers' competition, where i finally saw glamourpuss perform! i also got to meet her after her performance and that was a real treat, though we didn't speak very much; she was so tired after performing (and so soon after surgery too!) that i'm sure all she wanted to do was lay down and rest. i don't blame her. she is so glamourous in person too - her pseudonym suits her very well!

alright, time to crack on with my assignment. sorry for being MIA this past month!

CET :o)

cosmos speaks

2009-03-04T23:01:00.003Z

i spent over two hours today learning a new bhangra routine! i'll be performing it with my school's bhangra society at our annual charity show in april. my mother was a dancer when she was young and my dad sings and plays the guitar...i like to think i inherited their rhythm and ear for music, but choreographed dance moves are bloody hard to remember! today was only the first practice but i sure as hell hope i remember the moves and don't screw up on performance day.

rather than do homework i was trawling through facebook tonight, just seeing what people from my past were up to. i emailed an american friend who i met while working at the science museum a lifetime ago; she ended up marrying the canadian guy she shared a flat with while living here. they now live in wisconsin and are expecting their first baby.

i also came across this quote "six billion people in this world but sometimes all you need is one". you know, we can talk about how hard it is to find someone you want to share your life with, and whether we're too picky, not picky enough, too closed off, not open enough, making eye contact, improving body language, trying speed dating, not trying speed dating, trawling online dating sites, joining clubs in the hopes of meeting someone, being open to love and blah, blah, blah, but in the end i think finding someone (or not) is purely the whim of the cosmos.

is this me saying it all comes down to fate, when i chastise the very people who use that as an excuse for everything? perhaps. i think it's me saying to myself (and anyone else in my boat) to stop worrying the fuck over this and just ENJOY LIFE.

goodnight,

CET :o)

boho hipster jewish wedding rave

2009-03-03T21:37:00.005Z

adventures in babysitting: i was asked by my landlord to look after his son yesterday while he went to a friend's surprise birthday dinner. i didn't mind as i was going to be at home anyway. his son and i watched "finding nemo" and "james and the giant peach" (no CSI this time!) before i marched him up to bed. i helped him get into his jammies but managed to accidentally hurt his willy by pulling his jammy bottoms up too high. whoops! as a bedtime story he wanted me to read the leaflet from the "finding nemo" video cassette case (that's right people, we watched these movies on VHS!), which i found hilarious, then i read to him from a book about animals before he fell promptly asleep. i went back downstairs to watch more tv, secretly praying that he wouldn't wet the bed before his father got home.

i had forgotten how the "james and the giant peach" story went and when i watched the movie (it was the tim burton version) i was impressed by how creative and whimsical the story was. what imagination! it's sad that we lose that sort of imagination as adults, and the belief that things like huge flying peaches can exist in our time and our world. i mean, why not?

jewish rave, anyone?: a friend of mine came up from brighton to visit me and some other friends this weekend. after having lovely brunch and a lazy wander around camden market in the afternoon, i met up with him later on in the evening to go to a club/arts collective/whatever you want to call it - passing clouds - to see a world music group called balkan beat box. i can say with some authority that this was one of the more interesting evenings i've spent out in london.

a la sophia from the golden girls: picture it, london, england, febuary 2009. a winding road leads the group of us to a non-descript warehouse, used as a church on sundays (according to the banner hanging from the roof). after waiting in the line-up/queue for an age, we're finally ushered in to a cavernous room filled to the brim with hipsters in various states of boho chic, with an odd freak in ghost makeup thrown in to keep things spicy. suddenly the band starts playing and it's the oddest music i hear coming from their instruments - jewish klezmer music mixed with spanish beats of some sort, along with a bit that sounds like the soundtrack to "the godfather". and the music wasn't even the weird part (it was actually pretty good); the weird part were the people going absolutely APE SHIT for this music, dancing like their lives depended on it and practically bouncing off the cinder block walls. i've never seen people go nuts like that. it was all quite surreal. who knew an underground jewish wedding could garner this type of reaction?

night night,

CET :o)

i'm just not into this movie

2009-02-22T20:40:00.003Z

on friday i went to see the movie "he's just not that into you". before seeing this movie i was aware that it was a chick flick (duh), but both guys and girls who had seen it said it was smart, funny and had something for guys as well as girls, so i was somewhat hopeful it wouldn't suck.

my hope was sorely misplaced.

the ENTIRE movie espouses the message that if he's interested he'll make it known; that those urban myths of girls marrying guys who were initially jackasses are the exception and not the rule, and yet in the last fifteen minutes two things happen in the movie that COMPLETELY negates this message:

a) the asshole falls in love with the girl, telling her she's "his" exception and not the rule; and
b) the guy who doesn't believe in marriage proposes to his girlfriend.

blech.

what is the point of doling out this "he's just not that into you" gospel when you're going to blasphemise it with the typical hollywood happy ending? this movie had the chance to be smart and funny and instead relegated itself to the typical hollywood brainless mush.

and OH MY GOD, are women really THAT pathetic? seriously, ginnifer goodwin's character made me want to throw popcorn at the screen. and jesus effin' christ, someone needs to tell hollywood that NOT EVERY WOMAN WANTS TO GET MARRIED. I REPEAT, NOT EVERY WOMAN WANTS TO GET MARRIED. why is it not enough to be in a happy, stable relationship? why does it have to be certified by the state? i just don't get it.

if you want mindless fluff and believe all movies should have happy endings then this movie is definitely for you. if you want a movie that challenges you (and the stereotypes found in society) and isn't afraid to have an ending that's less than happy then look somewhere else.

retch.

CET

done and dusted

2009-02-14T16:29:00.003Z

hello! i'm back from the exam dead!

three weeks of miserable torture and i am finally done. thank GOD! seriously. i feel like my life's been handed back to me. free from the shackles of my desk, i am now able to venture back out into the world and interact with other humans. sweetness.

had a lovely afternoon ramble around the local park/cemetery with my friend model boy. it was hauntingly beautiful and i wished i had brought my camera. i will definitely be going back to take some pictures. i also came across a tombstone with the phrase "he exchanged time for eternity". i like that.

i bought a work of art! i saw this about a week ago and fell in love with it instantly. the colour, the detail and the solitude of the figure moved me. after a quick email exchange with not keith i am now the proud owner of the piece! it came in the mail today. my landlord's going to frame it and when it's done i'll show you.

and...i'm going to greece during the easter break! i am beyond excited. my sister booked her flight and wanted me there as well - we'll be visiting a friend who lives in athens whom we haven't seen in almost 6 years! i feel very blessed because this is only possible through the use of my sister's credit card. THANK YOU! MWAH! x

i am happy today.

CET :o)

exam? what exam? there's a snowman to be built!

2009-02-02T23:09:00.006Z

my exam got cancelled today because of all the snow! i had a lovely and much-needed day doing absolutely nothing but enjoying the snow: i built a snowman, had a snowball fight and went tobogganing. i haven't played all day like that since i was a kid. it was absolutely fabulous. :o)

my snowman, "the gardener". notice the lizard at his feet?

he has chestnut eyes, a walnut nose and a little stone mouth.

that's the "flower" he's holding in his hand.

hope your snow day was fun and relaxing!

CET :o)

wee man

2009-01-27T23:47:00.002Z

my landlord's three-year old son was crying tonight; long story short but on tuesday nights there's about an hour in the evening when my landlord's out and his ex-wife - who comes to put the little one to sleep - leaves after doing so. it was in this window of time that the wee man gets up to find both parents not home. he was sitting on the steps crying and my heart went out to him. poor little guy, feeling all alone. he obviously wasn't going to go back to bed so he sat with me for a while watching CSI with me. okay, maybe i shouldn't expose a three-year old to an autopsy and obvious signs of rigor mortis but it was CSI! anyhoo, i had to study so he slept on my bed while i tried to do some work, waiting for his dad to get home.

i'm sure commentary on the fallout of divorce and parenting is in this post somewhere, but right now it's not for me to make. i just want the little guy to be happy.

Year of the Ox and German biscuits

2009-01-26T15:01:00.003Z

HAPPY LUNAR NEW YEAR!!! may you all be blessed with health, happiness and wealth. :oD

i'm sat at my desk trying to study today and not getting very far.

i just opened a pack of choco leibniz biscuits and the smell is effin' intoxicating. must devour.

(image courtesy of c ray dancer)

have a great new year's day everyone!

CET :o)

self-realization (not the good kind)

2009-01-24T18:59:00.003Z

yep, i am that girl. that crazy girl.

youngin' is not dating ex-flattie. it was all in my head. me and my jumping-to-conclusions. me and my own issues.

eek. i'm that girl.

as one of my lecturers pointed out a little while ago (and not in reference to me might i add - it had something to do with something or other that i don't remember now), "(i am) locked in the tragedy of my own story."

gotta get out of that, pronto!

in other news, today marks the start of my study/revision period until exams in the first week of february. wish me luck!

a beautiful moment

2009-01-21T21:43:00.002Z

watching this made me all emotional and slightly teary. president or not, it's wonderful to see the obamas so clearly in love and enjoying themselves. and beyonce made me even more emotional, seeing her so proud and so touched to be a part of such a special moment.

gawd, i am just full of emotions lately.

a wee announcement...

2009-01-20T19:24:00.003Z

i'm getting published! no, no, no, not a book deal or anything flash like that - the research i did in early 2008 is getting published in a well-respected scientific journal! and guess who's first author? moi! woohoo!!! needless to say i'm thrilled. it's my first publication, from someone who NEVER thought she'd be published, let alone in a scientific journal.

i spent the afternoon today watching obama's inauguration. i teared up a few times. and aretha's hat! smashing. you go girl.

i feel lucky to have been a witness to history today.

my landlord's three-year old son was watching a bit of it with me; i was trying to explain to him what was happening, in the hopes that he might remember this day too, even if he's only three. :o)

did i tell you i'm a member of my university's spring ball committee? i joined so i could make sure it doesn't suck. seriously. and thank goodness i did. anyhoo, the venue's been booked and it's elegant and fabulous; i am so excited. even better is the fact that i bought my ball gown yesterday - a floor-length, blood red ball gown - for only 38 quid!!! that's like, $75 canadian dollars! bargain! it was left over from the christmas sales and was discounted from 150 to 49 pounds. i got another 25% off at the register and voila, a slammin' dress for 38 quid. i'll post a pic of it on the day of the ball - no sneak peeks until then!

gotta go, gotta eat and do some semblence of work.

CET :oS

unconscious fear rearing its ugly head

2009-01-18T20:44:00.004Z

you can't control other people's actions, only your own.

only you can control your reaction to other people.

this is what i keep telling myself.

i had a dream on thursday night in which i woke up drenched in sweat, my heart palpitating so hard and so fast that it scared me. oh no, it wasn't a good dream at all.

for those that have been reading this tiny blog since its inception (2005), you may remember that i had a flatmate in first year whose boyfriend was seriously weird and who seriously pissed me off. anyhoo, this is not about him; this is about her. more specifically, it's about the fact that she is friends with youngin' in a way that makes me uncomfortable. very uncomfortable.

i won't get into the details here (it's long and tedious and i would rather not write about this at all, but for the fact that it's bugging the fuck out of me); i will say that both youngin' and ex-flattie, each separately at some point, have told me that they were not interested in nor would date the other person. youngin's reasoning was that he did not want to do anything to hurt me; ex-flattie's reasoning being that she puts friendship above boys. so why don't i trust either of them?

i realized after my dream that my mistrust stems from an incident that happened way back in first year of university in canada, many years ago. i broke up with my high school boyfriend then (he was a miserable jerk, the relationship was long distance, yadda yadda yadda); months later he starts dating a friend of mine. i didn't have a problem with it at first but that was before i saw them together; he treated her with so much care and kindness, more than he ever treated me, that it upset me greatly - i remember leaving the house party in a state of emotional upheaval, and broke off ties with that whole group of friends shortly thereafter.

i feel like youngin' and ex-flattie are repeating history. i'm afraid of getting hurt again.

it would be one thing if i didn't see or hear from either of them; this is the part where DON'T EVER DATE SOMEONE YOU HAVE TO BE PHYSICALLY IN THE SAME BUILDING WITH, EVEN AFTER EVERYTHING GOES TO SHIT comes in. he works at the university where i'm a student; she's a phd student at my university. we all work at the student union bar. great.

how do i deal with this? i certainly know that i may possibly be making a mountain out of a mole hill and absolutely nothing exists between them but then again, i might not. i try not to care and i try to put it out of my mind but the feeling is always there; the bated breath my heart holds, waiting for the proof to jump out at me that leaves me hurting again.

why hello there!

2009-01-15T19:27:00.007Z

i figured that if i'm sitting in front of the computer reading blogs when i should be working on my papers and projects, i should at least bang out a post on this poor little blog!

i'm sorry blog, i've neglected you for a long time. and my readers! well, the ones i have left anyway. for a while now i've stopped looking at my counter at the bottom because i don't really want to know that no one is reading this anymore. i don't blame them really, seeing as how i've been so shite about blogging. i always seem to find other bloggers articulating SO WELL the stuff i've also been feeling that i'm like "what's the point of repeating it in a less articulate, less witty fashion?" i don't want to add to the absolute crap out there in the blogosphere but then i feel guilty for not posting. dumb thing is i always make mental notes to "blog about this or blog about that" but then i never do it! argh.

and if blogging wasn't enough, what's up with this twitter business? i seriously don't understand the obsession with it. a blog and a facebook profile should be MORE THAN ENOUGH to let the whole world know how you're feeling/what you're thinking every minute of everyday, why bombard them with more status messages? i suppose though that people who follow twitter actually want to follow it so who am i to judge, right? well, i'm judging anyway.

and can i just say that facebook is just TOO MUCH INFORMATION sometimes. "in a relationship" becomes "it's complicated" becomes "in an open relationship" becomes "single", all in the space of a few hours, let alone a few days or even months! i really need to turn that stupid option off on my newsfeed.

so, HAPPY NEW YEAR! i hope everyone had a lovely holiday and spent it eating lots and growing their bums and muffin tops. that's what i did. pictures taken at the beginning of december show CET's well-defined jawline; pictures taken after new year's show that the jawline is now missing and has been replaced with a roll of chin fat. nice. i suppose because of this, losing weight should on my list of new year's resolutions but a) i don't have a list and b) at this point i don't think i need to exercise to lose weight - the sheer stress of deadlines and exams looming alone should cause enough weight to fall off. and i don't think i need to change my diet because a) i'm a student which means b) i'm poor which means c) i don't buy a lot of food which means d) my daily caloric intake will be far less than in the last month which means e) by default i should lose some weight. that's sound logic, no?

before flying home to canada for the holidays, a friend of mine came over to visit and we took a four-day trip to prague together! as this is my last year in london i made a list of places in europe i would like to visit before i fly home for good; prague was at the top of my list. when i lived in london years ago with my sister, canadians needed a visa to get into the czech republic, so we never really exerted the time, money or effort to visit when so many other places could be explored without the hassle of a visa. skip to present day and canadians no longer need a visa to visit, so off i went! i think i picked the best time to go to prague too - right before christmas; this meant christmas markets in all the town squares were in full swing! oh it was so beautiful. if you weren't taking thousands of pictures of the stunning architecture you were drinking in the atmosphere of christmas and of happiness, and stuffing your face with yummy things like trdelniks and hot chocolate that gave you instant orgasms. mmm. here are a few of my favourite pics:

ahhh, my ode to the czech pilsner. cheaper than juice!

the baroque church of st. nicholas, with horses and carriage in the foreground.

walking down from petrin hill; i like to call this pic the "czech montmartre".

looking through into the old jewish cemetery. bodies buried in some places twelve people deep, because jews were not allowed to be buried outside the jewish quarter back in the day.

the "obecni dum" or municipal house, a visual symphony dedicated to art nouveau. LOVED IT. and finally...

a trdelnik! dough wrapped around metal poles rotisseried over an open pit, then coated with sugar and spices. drooooooool. i had one everyday (of course).

i have loads more pictures but my computer's taking bloody forever to upload these things so i will stop here. off to scavenge for food and then it's an early night i think (the jet lag's starting to get to me).

welcome back (hopefully!)

CET :o)

that's exactly how i feel about pharmacy

2008-12-06T00:02:00.001Z

eloquently stated by the jinius...

have a lovely weekend!

CET :o)

and can i just say...

2008-12-02T21:51:00.003Z

i rocked my new frock two fridays ago! i wore it to work at the bar and so funny: a bunch of students were playing "truth or dare" (how old school!) and one of the guys came up to me at the bar and said "my friends dared me to tell you that you look sexy but you DO look sexy!" hahaha, nice. compliment? i'll take it as such.

youngin' was also working the bar with me and, ahem, we ended up in some naughty dealings with each other at the end of the night. oops. it wasn't like fireworks went off and i think that's the problem - i think i've finally, FINALLY, realized that i don't want to shag him ever, ever, ever again. i think all this time i've viewed him through rose-coloured glasses because even when we were kissing i thought to myself "hmmm, i don't remember his kissing technique being this sub-par!" if that doesn't tell you it's not a good idea then i don't know what does. anyhoo, we agreed it was a bad idea to go down this slippy slope again; we also promised each other not to "act weird" about it when we see each other at school. you know how it is, you shag someone you're not suppose to/shouldn't and then the next time you see them it's awkward as fuck. nope, not this time, not if i can help it. i've seen him since then and it's been fine. another youngin'-related thing to irk me however is this:

a) youngin' is a big, flirty whore and will literally flirt the pants off anything that moves, and admits as much;
b) a "friend" of mine, who has told me in the past that she would never do anything with youngin', especially as she knows our history, is flirting with him like NOBODY'S business;
c) seeing this peeves me.

i wish it didn't but it does. on one hand i actually trust youngin' when he tells me nothing has or will happen with this "friend" but on the other hand i'm not so sure. this "friend" likes to be a cock-tease and disturb the shit when it comes to boys; i trust her less than i trust youngin'! then there's always the argument of "why should i care?" i shouldn't really, i know i shouldn't, but i do. argh. i'm not working the next few shifts at the bar (until the new year if i can swing it); i'm glad because it means less exposure to the two of them.

i need to get away from all that malarkey.

CET

no imagination to even think of an appropriate title!

2008-12-02T21:24:00.005Z

a lovely cupcake a friend surprised me with, as i was feeling a little under the weather and she thought a whole load of chocolately, sugary goodness would cure me. no cure alas but it was tasty, tasty, yummy goodness:

the graham norton show last wednesday! reese witherspoon, paul o'grady and the ting tings were guests. it was my second time to a taping of the show and like the first, it passed by in a flash!

kitty cat! here is one of my landlord's cats hanging out on my desk while i was trying to do homework (or reading blogs, whatever!). he likes to sit on my lap while i'm in front of the computer. i like it because he's like my little radiator:

i stumbled upon a warehouse in my neighbourhood that's been converted to a viennese cafe/bar/craft space/theatre space/music space/general place for artsy-fartsy-ness. i found a lovely dragonfly brooch for a couple of quid! bought a book of illustrations from this cute, painfully shy guy who poured his heart into his illustrations but couldn't look me in the eye for longer than a second. i swear he wouldn't know what flirting was if it came up and punched him in the face. pity.

it's december! i have a couple of deadlines next week that i have to meet, on top of my two jobs and classes and such; all i want to do right now though is sleep. tomorrow, tomorrow i'll get crackin'...

CET :o)

nouveau frock

2008-11-20T17:48:00.005Z

eeeee, i'm excited - i bought a new dress today! no particular reason, just shopping along brick lane with some friends. i had seen this dress yesterday at my favourite clothes shop but needed a second opinion; they each ended up buying a dress as well! it was a very fruitful excursion for all of us. here are a few pics:

i don't know why i'm so frivolously excited over a new dress but i am. even though i'm working at the school bar tomorrow night i might just wear it anyway.

i'm off to iron my new dress!

CET :o)

geraldine and me

2008-11-16T14:46:00.003Z

and it's now mid-november.

house: i'm enjoying living in my new place; the landlord and i are getting along and it's been fun having his little boy around the house and two cats that like to be cuddled. i might not be the only tenant though...

a little while ago i had a very scary dream. i don't have nightmares often but when i do they're pretty vivid and pretty frightening. i won't go into the details but suffice it to say it involved ghosts. i woke up so scared that i turned on all the lights and slept with them on until morning. when i went downstairs to the kitchen the next day my landlord asked why i had the lights on so late at night, as he saw light coming through the cracks around the door when he woke up to use the loo. i felt kind of silly telling him it was because i had a dream about ghosts, but my embarrassment grew into fear when he said he believes ghosts do "live" on the premises. WHAT??? he said him and his ex-wife always had a strange feeling about the house and that previous tenants have mentioned the same feeling. uh-oh, this didn't sound good. thank goodness it's only been strange feelings so far and nothing visual - feelings i can handle but visuals? oh HELL no.

anyhoo, i was pretty scared for the rest of that week but things have somewhat settled and i'm fine with it all now, whether or not they do exist. half the time i think it's just my imagination as my mind can get carried away pretty quickly; case in point: while reading a blog i came across a picture of a zombie for literally a millisecond, but it was enough for me to have ANOTHER bad dream, this time involving zombies, knives, blood and murder. talk about taking something and running with it!

job: i started my new part-time pharmacy job last week. even less time for coursework but the money is much needed. it's pretty good as i'm learning a lot and it's a busy pharmacy so the day just flies by. between my pharmacy job and bar job i'm on my feet for almost twenty hours a week...they are pretty sore by the time my shift's done.

barack obama: WOOHOO!!! GO BARACK! i was overjoyed when he won the election. i hate the election coverage and couldn't stand to watch it, plus we're five hours ahead here of washington and it would've been 4am by the time the results came in; i ended up going to bed and then checking the news online the moment i woke up. sheer happiness. i, along with many people - dare i say most of the world - were beaming and giddy with hope for the rest of that day. a black (bi-racial) president in my lifetime. sweetness.

westfield: a new mall opened up in west london recently; malls are largely a north american phenomemon but it's been catching on in these parts in the last few years. on wednesday i went with a couple of friends to check it out/window shop/procrastinate. i must say it's a pretty nice mall, all shiny and new. the support beams have been made to look like trees, all wrapped in fairy lights; we were hoping they'd turn them on while we were shopping there but they didn't. highlights included trying on hideous-looking dresses at topshop, inhaling a limited edition, cookies and cream cupcake from the buttercup cupcake stand, and snatching up a pretty cool hoodie for ten quid from republic. lowlights included a toilet seat that wasn't even screwed on and no hooks in the stall to hang your coat or purchases. boo.

body mass index: so during a quiet period at the pharmacy one day i decided to check my bmi. i got a bit of a shock as it's on the borderline between "okay" and "overweight", for someone of my height. i'm a little weary of bmi's being a true marker of one's weight/general health but even so, it threw me a little. i mean to look at me you wouldn't see an obviously overweight person - at all - but knowing me and even through reading this blog you would know that i do love my food and can never really say no to another helping of dinner or another biscuit or chocolate bar. heck, i ate a limited edition, cookies and cream cupcake without even blinking. hmmm. it's going to be hard but i'm going to try to lay off the sweets a bit and eat more fruits and vegetables. on the fruit and veggie front i'm actually doing pretty good - i add fresh fruit to my cereal in the mornings and at times i'll eat a bowl full of berries, yoghurt and honey - i think the challenge for me will be limiting my sugar intake. CET LOOOOOVES SUGAR. LOOOOOOOOOOVES IT. it's going to be hard.

ball committee: i joined the midsessional ball committee at school. back in high school i was on the ball committee as well. i think i joined it so i can make sure the ball won't suck. i think that's a good reason to join, don't you? we're hoping to hold it somewhere cool like a museum or something, instead of your run-of-the-mill hotel, but these places are pretty pricey so we'll see what we end up with (probably a run-of-the-mill hotel).

have a great week people!

CET :o)

darkness

2008-11-02T17:13:00.000Z

it's just past five and the sky is pitch black. yuck.

the opposite end of the spectrum

2008-11-02T16:39:00.005Z

i went to a baby shower yesterday.

don't get me wrong, i think kids are great, but i've realized that my yearly baby shower quota stands at one. one and one only per year thank you; that's all i think i can tolerate.

yes, baby clothes are cute - so tiny and soft like the babies that wear them - but after the millionth "awwwww" over a onesie or towel or bib with an animal of some sort stitched on it i think i was ready to scream.

it seems like you need a whole shitload of things to care for a baby nowadays; people back in the day raised kids with barely more than a rag and they survived - does one really need a top-of-the-line stroller that's as big as a SUV? or a bassinette made of some quality wood or strips of wood or whatever the fuck they make bassinettes with? seriously!

this post isn't meant to sound bitter so i apologize if it does; i personally think baby showers are a big to-do when it's not necessary. i'm not a mom but if there are any moms out there that read this blog (i can think of one), can you tell me if you prefer yet another baby outfit or diapers to last you the month? if i was a mom i know which one i'd prefer.

in other news, it was halloween on friday! i had to work at the bar but dressed up as a cat. here is a pic of my tail, as that's the only pic where you can't see my face:

it was a good night but i got verbally slaughtered by my fellow barman and another friend, who could not stop with the "pussy" jokes because they're mature like that. i knew (too late) that i would be subject to their merciless teasing but oh well! what i could not tolerate was this one student who came up to the bar and screamed "PUSSY!" to get my attention so that i could serve him drinks; i told him to shut the fuck up, as he screamed this in full earshot of my professors who were also at the bar! dickwad.

anyhoo, in addition to my bar work i'm starting a part-time pharmacy job this week; i slightly regret taking this job as it means even less time for schoolwork, but i know i'd regret it if i didn't take it as it's money that's (always) needed. this is the prime difference between me and the other foreign students at my school - they spend their halloween getting VIP table service at a high-end london nightclub (no joke) while i work the bar. :o/

have a great week everyone!

CET

how to feel your age

2008-10-29T12:51:00.005Z

i'm settling into my new place nicely. the landlord's pretty cool and laidback and it's been fun playing with his three year old son (i.e. another means for procrastination); one of his cats acts more like a dog and is always coming up to me for cuddles which is nice. i think i'll always be a dog person at heart but cats have a wee space there too.

do you remember when you were in your early twenties, and how you thought thirty was positively ancient? do young people today feel the same way about thirty year olds as we did then? god, you know you're old when you use the term "young people".

i'm having thoughts/musings about being a "mature" student amongst 21 year olds but i can't seem to articulate them. i've written and deleted several attempts. basically i think i feel kind of stuck in between the 21 year old's world and the world i think i should be in, which is the thirty-something's. all i do is hang around people much younger than myself (due to my degree course - no, i'm not a perv!) that it actually leaves me feeling somewhat intimidated when i have to carry on a conversation with someone who's my age or older. wtf?

i went to a concert last night with my university friends here; one of them got free tickets to see "one night only". hmmm. i think i might've enjoyed them more if i was a wee bit younger, but then again, if they actually played good music i don't think age would have been an issue. no, they weren't THAT bad - maybe i'm just that jaded? - i had to laugh out loud when the lead singer took off his t-shirt to reveal a red wife-beater underneath - the girls screamed in lusty approval but he was honestly the scrawniest boy i've ever seen in my life, i mean, look at this picture:

see what i mean? and again, skinny jeans rear their ugly head.

wow, this post is about a whole lot of nothin'. hey, here's a picture of the snow that fell in londontown last night:

i was caught unawares and did not have a hat nor scarf to keep the half-ass snow/rain at bay. got a little soaked running to the bus stop. felt slightly damp and miserable upon arrival home but am right as rain today after making a huge english breakfast.

oh, speaking of which, i might be gaining (and maintaining) the "middle aged mid-section" - the belly that won't go away even after a big session on the loo. spare tire, love handles, whatever you call it...i think it's gotten to a point where exercise of some magnitude is in order. now if only i knew what exercise was...

sorry to bother you all with such a shite post! back to work!

CET :o)

movin' on up

2008-10-20T21:33:00.004+01:00

a few things i want to jot down before getting carried away with work (HA, who are we kidding - me getting carried away with work - as if that would ever happen!):

friday: i met a reader of my blog! in the flesh! totally out of the blue! i won't go into the details as i'm sure she'd like to keep her anonymity, but she figured out who i was because really, there aren't a lot of chinese-canadian girls in london (at least i don't think there are). it was slightly surreal, standing in front of a person who has been following your blog for the last three years...they knowing lots about you but you knowing very little about them...i must say, whoever would've thought this social dynamic would ever exist? the wonders of the internet, eh? anyhoo, i really enjoyed meeting her and hope to meet her again one day. hello reader!

movin' in, movin' up: i finally, FINALLY, moved into my flat yesterday. it's actually a whole house that i share with the landlord, his son and his two male cats. a house full of men, hmmm...first time i've lived with cats too so this will be interesting. the landlord also has a lovely little garden filled with flowers and fresh herbs - rosemary, basil, mint - i cut some rosemary for my roast potatoes tonight and i must say it's pretty cool to be able to do that. i'm only a bus ride from school and the neighbourhood's full of shops and restaurants that i want to check out; a couple of my friends also live in the area so it'll be nice to be able to pop around for a cuppa. i hope/i think i'll enjoy living here.

all hallows' eve: i'm working the bar that evening...i don't know if my student union's organizing a halloween party but regardless, i'll be dressing up. i must say that because halloween's a bigger deal in north america there is a greater variety of costumes back home than over here. i went into a party shop the other day and the only costumes they had for women were slutty french maid, slutty devil, slutty angel, slutty pirate, slutty witch...you get the idea. it's not too original but i'm thinking of being a black cat (like one of the cats i currently live with, complete with red collar). all you need is cat ears, a tail, some black eyeliner to draw your whiskers on and bob's your uncle. any other costume ideas perhaps you readers would like to share?

okay, got a lot of shit to do; must press on.

word up!
CET :o)

moray, anyone?

2008-10-16T22:41:00.002+01:00

wow, a lot has happened in two weeks.

school started last week and i was thrown into that whirlwind, then an email from scotland came inviting me for a pre-registration (pharmacy training) interview at a pharmacy in a wee town along the moray firth coast. if you're reading this and don't know where that is, google it. heck, i had to when i first read the name of the town - i was like "where the heck is that?" anyhoo, a phone call and flights booked later, i was touching down in inverness for a quick jaunt along the coast to see about a job.

the place was beautiful but i knew that even before i went - it is bonnie scotland after all! i fell in love with the country years ago when canuckian and i toured the highlands together. the interview went well and by the end of it i was offered the job. i said i needed to think about it and they understood as it would require a least a year's commitment and the town where i'd be working is pretty isolated.

long story short: i turned down the job. if anything, spending time in scotland made me realize that i want to be home. i want to see my friends' kids grow up, i want to be a member of my hospital league softball team for many years; i want to spend time with family and friends and be an active part of their lives, heck, i want them to be an active part of mine. i told the pharmacist that perhaps if i was a few years younger (i am a "mature" student after all) and didn't feel somewhat of a time pressure, i would definitely say yes to a few years in scotland. and i must say that while the town and surrounds were beautiful, scenery alone should not be the only reason keeping me there; i honestly don't think i could've coped with the isolation. and i would also be the ONLY chinese person within a 20 mile radius - seriously! i met a little boy in town whose grandmother told me that he cried when he first saw an indian man because he had never seen a person with such dark skin before! bloomin' heck! i think i was only the second visible minority he had ever seen in his life.

anyhoo, i am grateful for this experience because i met a pile of lovely people and saw a part of scotland i had never seen before. i actually got a little verklempt when i spoke to the pharmacist as well as the pre-reg tutor on the phone tonight - i don't know why but maybe it was a mixture of guilt at turning them down, realizing how much i miss my family and friends and never allow myself to feel it, leaving a chance to live in scotland behind, a whole host of reasons really that i can't quite articulate...i just know that making this decision has been hard but in the end i've made the right choice for me.

CET

fuckin' eh!

2008-10-07T22:19:00.003+01:00

i am finally done my literature review. THANK FUCKING GOD. seriously.

woohoo!!!

i have been virtually house-bound for the last three weeks. primarily by myself. little to no human interaction except for a daily hello to my two temporary flatmates when they leave for work and come home from work. maybe a few more words with them while in the kitchen, but otherwise nothing. i didn't realize how deprived i was of human contact until yesterday, my first day of school. i saw so many people and talked so much that i started to get fuzzy-brained and incoherent as the day wore on, like i had used up all my speech quota. by the end of the night i was mentally toast. even my throat was sore and dry from all the talking! few words to a million words spilling out of my mouth in one day. whew.

in other news, the "birthday" has already passed but it's been 3 years + 2 days since i started this blog! three years older and 358 posts richer (i hope); i can't believe it's been going for this long. to this day i still have pangs of "is keeping a blog too narcissistic of me?" but i've come to realize that whatever the blog, whatever the topic, whatever the post, it's the viewpoint of the blogger and hence in varying measures but all the same, it's about them.

i think the biggest bonus to come out of writing this blog is (virtually) meeting the people i have met and making the connections i have made, however weak or strong. whether it's been a passing comment, readers that lurk or friendships forged, this blog has allowed me to reach out to people i otherwise would never have met, and for them to reach back. for this reason alone i am glad to have started this thing.

anyhoo, i think i'm going to reward myself for finishing my paper by going to bed early. party animal i know.

love ya,
CET :o)

tookus numbus

2008-10-02T22:04:00.002+01:00

1. my butt is numb from sitting in front of the computer all day. it's getting flatter and more numb by the second. i don't think any amount of squats or leg lifts will bring my bum to its former glory (hehehe).

2. what the heck is UP with men wearing skinny jeans??? who actually likes them? i was watching some vacuous fashion show on tv where two fashionistas had to make over a cute guy with absolutely no dress sense. what was the first thing they put him in? skinny jeans. hideous. absolutely hideous. someone should do a study on sperm count and skinny jeans, i'm sure they'd find a correlation.

3. current lit review word count: 4223. c'mon, almost there!

back to the grind,
CET

"rosie cotton...she had ribbons in her hair..."

2008-09-29T17:16:00.003+01:00

"lord of the rings III: the return of the king" was on tv saturday night. for the last third of the movie i was in different stages of weepiness, from welly eyes to full-fledged tears. laugh all you want but it still gets to me, especially the bond shared between sam and frodo. bollocks to all those people making fun of their "homosexual" relationship - homosexual or not those two loved and helped each other through hell! the fires of fucking MORDOR, people, MORDOR!

current tally of rejections from hospitals: 3

current tally of offers from hospitals: 0

current tally of hospitals i'm still waiting to hear from: 2

current tally of flats found and rented: 0

current tally of words written in lit review: 1290

current tally of minimum words left to write: 3710

GO CET GO!

CET :o)

satan's spawn and other creatures

2008-09-23T11:59:00.003+01:00

hello!

i should be writing my lit review right about now, but instead i will take this time to jot down a few things here.

to quote a friend's facebook status, "i am a pro at this crastination thing."

Satan's Spawn:

this past weekend was spent looking after a friend's brother's dog. let's call him "satan's spawn": a 2 year old yorkshire terrier who's tries to bite your face off when he's not pestering you for cuddles. freakin' weirdo dog.

a part of me feels for him because he's pretty much stuck at home all day and hardly gets taken out for walks; because of this, he doesn't interact with other people and other dogs, aside from his two owners. he also isn't disciplined very well, so this adds up to a dog that freaks out whenever he meets someone new.

friday and saturday were spent with him basically hiding from me when he wasn't all up in my grill trying to rip it off with his tiny teeth. i gave him his food and tried to play with him but he wasn't having any of it. fine, i say, then leave me alone to my writing and procrastination. by saturday afternoon he was coming around a bit; he finally allowed me to put the leash on him and take him for a walk. god knows i needed it as much as he did, after being stuck in front of a computer all day. i think that was our "breakthrough" because afterwards he was pretty much putty in my hands for the rest of the weekend. am i london's version of the "dog whisperer?" perhaps. :o)

i even taught him how to sit and stay! pretty good for someone he wanted to kill just a few days earlier.

anyhoo, chili dog he ain't but it was nice to have a pet for the weekend, plus it was a paying gig that also came with a surpise bottle of latour and a box of chocolates! bonus.

This Thing I Call My Future:

so i've hinted here and there about going to interviews and such...basically i've decided to give licensing as a pharmacist in the UK a shot, before returning home to get licensed in canada. the way things are going though, i don't think the UK wants me to practice pharmacy here!

i'm of two minds on this subject; when i first came over to do my degree i was adamant that i would return home as soon as i finished. it was never my intention to come to england to study pharmacy in the first place but i suppose the fates conspired to bring me here; if i haven't detailed the full story in a previous post (i don't remember if i have or not) then i won't get into it now. suffice it to say that i wanted to return home after this degree PRONTO.

don't get me wrong, i have LOVED my time here in london and wouldn't trade it for the world - i don't regret a second of it - but after moving here, there and everywhere since the age of 18 i think i am ready stay in one place for a while, and that place is canada. anyhoo...

studying here has provided me with an opportunity to get licensed here; if i get offered a great hospital training placement i would be hard-pressed to turn it down. i applied to four hospitals in london and the general NHS training scheme in scotland; here's my current status:

NHS scotland: had the interview, am waiting for their decision to come in the post;
london, hospital #1: turned me down without even granting me an interview;
london, hospital #2: had an interview and they turned me down;
london, hospital #3: had an interview, still don't know their decision;
london, hospital #4: haven't heard anything from them yet.

so my odds look pretty grim. i want to start my career in hospital so am not applying to any community pharmacies; if i stayed in the UK for another year or two it would be for hospital only. i would rather go home and get licensed in canada than spend a year plus in a community pharmacy in the UK.

if i don't get anything here i won't be too disappointed, as that would mean i would be going home! i had nothing to lose by trying and everything to gain so i thought "why not?" and decided to give it the good ol' college try.

i did get feedback from one of the interviewers; she said i babbled on too much (which i knew i did) and that some of my answers to her questions were a bit weak, which showed that i didn't do enough research about the placement itself. hey, the criticism was constructive and appreciated. they interviewed over 150 students for 2 to 9 places so she said if you didn't perform well on the interview day your chances were pretty much slim to none, if they weren't already. i can live with that.

anyhoo, i'll keep you posted on what happens with the other places i still haven't heard from. i have a feeling i won't get anything but we'll see.

okay, okay, back to the lit review.

CET :o)

kindness

2008-09-19T18:45:00.002+01:00

a longtime reader of my blog surprised me in the most touching way: she gave me a bunch of flowers to brighten my mood, after reading my last post!

i've never met her though we have had a few exchanges through email. she knows my real name and left the flowers under such name at a location specified in an email.

this random act of kindness has touched me profoundly; to reach out to someone you don't know, to lift their spirits with a simple gesture, is so poignant given the times we live in.

i am going to do my best to pay it forward.

thank you so much, for more than just the flowers. for reaching out.

CET :o)

loose screw

2008-09-17T22:43:00.003+01:00

wow. i think i'm a cliche. i just spent the evening watching old "sex and the city" episodes while eating leftover curry. i think the cliche involves eating ice cream but bah, close enough.

how the heck do you put the accent agu on top of the e in "cliche"? where is the button for that???

it's times like now that i think i should just finish my last year here and go home. fact is that while london is cool and exciting and just full of so much stuff to do, i don't feel like anyone here cares for me. no, i'm not being self-pitying, i'm pretty sure it's a fact. i've been here for a week and a half and i've barely seen anyone. everyone's too busy - everyone's always too busy - i don't think anyone would notice whether i lived in london or not!

no wait, there is one person who's happy to see me back: my friend gabby. love her to bits. she's preggers, working full-time and doing her masters of finance in the evenings. she is also the most beautiful woman i know. seriously. fucking knockout with a heart of gold. i wish i could see her right now.

okay, okay, i'm going to slap myself now. as cher said in a movie once, "SNAP OUT OF IT!"

rant over. must suck it up and move on. if progress was made in the lit review i have to write i would probably be feeling better right now.

oh no wait, rant not over. I HATE FACEBOOK. i hate it for telling me youngin' is now in a relationship. i hate it for the fact that i can click on his new girlfriend's profile and see what she looks like. i hate it for the fact that he's been tagged in a photo with his arm around her. i hate the fact that i'm still curious about him. i hate the fact that i even liked him! i hate the fact that he's good-looking in that roughian kind of way that just makes me want to jump and ride him everytime i see him! i hate the fact that he still has that effect on me. i hate the fact that i still want to shag him, even when the sex wasn't stellar in the first place! even with his knob being so big! i hate the fact that i know his knob is big!!!

whew. i'm spent. goodnight.

CET

flat hunting

2008-09-17T01:30:00.002+01:00

i saw a house tonight and it was lovely - i'd be living with two guys and a girl - i told them i was definitely interested but they still have people viewing the place until friday, and told me they would get back to me with their final decision then.

basically it comes down to who they think will be most compatible to live with.

i feel like a contestant on a dating show - what was that one called? oh yeah, "love connection" - i'm viewing their house but really they are viewing me, inspecting me with a critical eye wondering "will she be a suitable housemate?"

i really like the house and even texted them afterwards, making a joke about swaying their decision with my mean pot of chili and the fact that i like watching the footie...do you think i just pissed away a chance at the house because i might come across as a stalker housemate wannabe? just from one text message joke? i hope not! :oS

i don't like feeling like i'm being judged. i bet you with two guys in the house they'll probably go for the hottest chick that viewed the place. not that i'm not hot (i have my moments of hotness!) but you know, it'll probably be some tall, leggy blonde.

hmpf.

CET

class with a capital "C"

2008-09-13T23:01:00.003+01:00

i thought i'd post since it looks like no work is going to get done tonight; i had full intentions of starting my literature review (as part of my research project) in earnest tonight, but got caught up watching "the fellowship of the rings" on tv as well as a bio on girl with a one track mind. if i'm not going to be productive work-wise i might as well be productive blog-wise!

LOTR: have i ever written on this blog how much i love "the lord of the rings"? my university boyfriend first turned me onto the books; i remember borrowing "the hobbit" from the library, devouring the words and falling head-first into middle earth with abandon. I LOVED IT. the LOTR trilogy followed shortly after along with "the silmarillon" and tolkien's "unfinished tales". you know you're obsessed when you read "the silmarillion" - seriously, it's the history of middle earth before any of the events of LOTR take place - i even read the APPENDICES where tolkien explains the different elvish dialects - yes people, i was obsessed. fast forward to when the films came out; i followed the making of the film online, bought the special edition of each film (the editions that came with the models of the pillars of argonath, gollum and minas tirith), and even tried to hunt down the action figures they sold at burger king, hoping to collect them all!

wow. that's pretty scary, isn't it? i hope i haven't lost any readers. HA! :o)

you know, i still get teary-eyed when gandalf falls in the mines of moria, and when sam finds frodo trying to slip away alone at the end of the film. yep, that's me.

so much to update you on and here i am blogging about LOTR!

well needless to say i'm in london now; this week was a flurry of activity. a day after arriving i was back on the road on my way to glasgow, for an interview with the NHS (another post about all that later). i get back to londontown on thursday night, view a flat to possibly rent (i am staying at a friend's while trying to find a place), followed by a few hours' of sleep before T&A's wedding. today's the first day where i feel like i can breathe.

T&A's wedding was so freakin' lovely! class and style all the way, as only A would have it. he wore a CRAVAT for christ's sake - heck, their wedding "carriage" was a rolls royce! damn. and T was so freakin' beautiful it was absolutely ridiculous - gorgeousness and smiles the whole day long.

A and i have always had this running joke where he's the snobby, upper class corporate yuppie all about the "finer things in life" (like travelling first class, or at the very least business class) while i'm the leftist, bleeding heart liberal commoner who schleps it in economy. what i thought was ironically hilarious was a number of events during their wedding day that proves just what a classy girl i am:

- saying things like "for christ's sake" and "jesus christ!" in the ROMAN CATHOLIC church where they got married;

- giggling during the ceremony, when a baby next to me was getting burped after feeding and promptly upchucked the recently-ingested milk all over the stone floor;

- chasing the waiters carrying the trays of hor d'oeuvres because CET is HUNGRY AND NEEDS TO EAT (might i just add i had a partner in crime who was equally as hungry);

- taking the bride's fruity champagne glass off the tray for myself, only to be told to put it back because it wasn't meant for me (hey, how was i to know? it was free booze on a tray in front of my face! what do you expect a girl to do?);

- digging into my lamb dinner only to spray gravy all over myself, the table cloth and the two ladies sitting immediately to my right.

ahhh, it's always class and style with CET, isn't it?

i will have you know that i am, hands down, THE DANCING QUEEN. the music started after dinner and CET did not leave that dance floor except to get drinks or go to the loo; i was breakin' it down until the last bloody song. good times indeed.

anyhoo, ending this post here. these next few weeks are going to be hellish as i have two more interviews, the continuing agony that i call writing my lit review, and the never-ending search for a place to call home.

here's a pic of the lovely rolls:

sweetness.

CET :o)

let's fly away

2008-09-07T06:20:00.003+01:00

i should be sleeping right now as my flight back to london is in less than eight hours.

i've been away from london for so long that it feels like i'm starting over again.

feeling a wee anxious, a bit sad - a post about how friends disappoint will be forthcoming - but at the same time excited and ready to move on to the next chapter of my life. it's my fourth year! my last year of school! so much to say about that.

okay, okay, must get some shut-eye. next time i blog i'll be back in blighty.

kisses,
CET :o)

articulated better than i ever could

2008-09-04T05:56:00.001+01:00

from glamourpuss:

disquieting disquisition

CET

the way in which we die

2008-09-03T04:38:00.005+01:00

hello!

note to self: must stop spending all this time on the computer only to turn it off without blogging a single thing. must write on blog first before getting side-tracked by all the great blogs out there, or else this blog will suffer (it already has). okay, here we go...

so my summer job at the hospital finished last week; it was there one day that i saw a dead body. the department where i work is located in the basement. i half-realized the morgue was down there too (i mean, that is where they usually put it), but i never really gave it much thought.

i was walking down the hall to the women's washroom (loo/toilet/restroom, whatever!); at the end of the hall is another hall perpendicular to the first, forming a t-junction of sorts. i had just about reached the door to the loo when right in front of me, at the t-junction, a lady and a man dressed in suits (from the funeral home i was later told) walked by with a gurney carrying its deceased load, underneath a wine-coloured blanket. i must say, the last thing you'd expect to see while on the way to the loo is a dead body but there you go; my heart leaped a little into my throat and i froze for a second, which was all it took for the gurney to whizz by past me.

this job (and this particular experience) made me think about death and dying, and the years right before you reach the end. death was the palliative care ward, death was the casual mention by my colleagues of "so-and-so" dying in this ward or that; death was going on clinical rounds, meeting patients who were in the active process of dying - patients who were bed-bound, requiring g-tubes and total care, non-responsive and cognitively impaired - basically (in my opinion) being kept alive until the mounting physical problems stopped giving way to solutions.

i had discussions with my colleagues about what they thought of death - did it ever affect them when a patient died? how so? how much? - i also asked them if they ever considered their own end-of-life scenario, and how they would like to be treated when the time came. morbid topic of conversation perhaps, but being exposed to the knife's edge of living vs. dying everyday, one does think of these things. it made me realize that sometimes just because we can sustain life doesn't mean we should - i personally would not want tubes stuck in me for years, with all cognitive capabilities having left me, being a burden not only on my family but on the system as well; i believe in quality of life as well as quality of death, and to me that is not dying with dignity. a lot of it has to do with the family's decision on how to best care for their loved one - i can certainly understand the need to try everything possible to keep the one you love alive - but in the end is it more to satisfy your own feelings, or is it actually about doing what's best for the patient? i have seen both sides of the coin.

anyhoo, i hope this post doesn't get you down and if anything, i hope it gives you some food for thought. i read an article today about scientific research into how to live a long life; there was a quote which read "the goal is to live to 90 or 95 and then die in your sleep." compared to what i've seen this summer, that option sounds pretty good.

CET

the fury that is life

2008-08-28T03:44:00.003+01:00

AHHHHHH!!! i've wanted to post in sooo long yet i have no time! even now this post is going to be but a short list of the stuff i want to properly write about but have no time to bang out on my computer. in the future i'd like to/will be posting about:

- randomly seeing a dead body (okay, it was under a blanket and it wasn't so random given my environment, but it was still jarring to my senses);

- a story about my grandfather, and why i want to record some of my family history on here;

- a discussion of my life's plan for the next couple of years (gulp)

i also want to get back to writing about my daily observances of all things strange, quirky, boring, sedate, whatever; i feel like this blog has lost its direction (well, if it had any in the first place) and i'd like to steer it back on track. ooo, and can i just say i'm headed back to london in a little over a week's time, and that i'm slightly excited at saying hello to coffee shop hottie again? let's hope he's still working there!

over and out for now,
CET :o)

skin? who needs skin?

2008-07-31T01:27:00.002+01:00

hello hello!

yes i'm alive, but barely - i was thoroughly battered at my weekly softball game yesterday. stupid, stupid me thought it was a good idea to slide along the gravel into third base while wearing shorts - dumb, dumb, dumb - i ended up with a sizeable chunk of skin missing from my right leg and butt cheek. i also managed to hyper-extend some ligaments in my left ankle somehow, oh, and i got hit in the left shoulder/chest area with the softball. whew, i get tired just typing that! but CET is a trooper and stayed in the game even though her wounds were bleeding - i'm a trooper, RAWR! :o)

did i mention before that i might be getting published? my research project went so well that my supervisors didn't hesitate to ask me to be first author on the first paper to come out of our study - fingers crossed it will be accepted by our journal of choice without any major revisions! i'm excited because all this has been such a surprise, the icing on the cake - totally unexpected but much appreciated.

procreation: my lovely friend mr. bing had a baby boy at the end of june. sooo friggin' cute. huge feet and hands, like his mom. :o) two other friends also gave birth in the month of june, so three babies have been born out of the seven that i know are due this year! babies poppin' everywhere, like an epidemic.

i've also completed three of five weddings, with the fourth happening this weekend. freakin' insane.

i normally read (for pleasure) a lot over the summer - while on the subway, at lunch, etc. - but i haven't picked up a book at all since i've been home. i think it's because i've had to read billions of journal articles for my paper and also at my summer job, that i want to give my brain a break and let it relax. i want to make sure that i leave a bit of each day to just let life sink in a bit, instead of always go, go, go.

walking home today i came across a dead rat in the middle of the sidewalk, UGH. how did it die so randomly like that? my mom thinks people have put traps out and the mice ingest whatever poison is laid out and die a slow, painful death, outside of the house and on the street. hmmm.

so while absent from the blogosphere, life continues unbound. as always i hope to be a more consistent blogger (i'm surprised there are still people that check this site!) but of course i can't promise anything - i'm just glad you're still watching this space. :o)

wherever you are, i hope you're well and having a great summer!

love CET :o)

bloodshot

2008-06-17T01:04:00.005+01:00

hello to the few readers that are still out there!

i am REALLY starting to suck at this blogging thing, if i haven't already been sucking at it for a long time. other bloggers are just so much more disciplined about writing regularly, at times multiple posts in a day. and their writing style is definitely to be envied - they have such a distinct voice! - that i wonder whether my blog is just adding to the stinky blog crap out there. some blogs that i think are awesome are bete de jour, the pole affair, the over-educated nympho and the jinius. such different people from different walks of life with insightful, touching stories to share, all written with humour and tremendous wit.

life has been stressful since coming back from my week-long jaunt to londontown. i've had a manuscript to write, a new job to start and two presentations to do, the second one this thursday. i also have my weekly sports - frisbee, softball and beach volleyball - which leaves me pretty much wiped out by the end of the week.

i realized too that i know six people that are having babies this year. SIX! are we experiencing a another baby boom or is it just me?

i'm enjoying life but i also feel like i am just trying to survive it at the moment; my head is just barely above the water line. after this week i am seriously sleeping for three days straight.

this summer is going fly by like a streaker. i know it.

i hope this finds you all well!

CET :o)

high highs and low lows

2008-05-31T00:29:00.001+01:00

found out someone i used to work with passed away recently and suddenly. what is UP with this week in london???

CET :oS

is the stork following me?

2008-05-28T00:01:00.003+01:00

i'm here in london for a week to attend evil hypnotist's wedding. over the past two days visiting with friends, i've found out two of them are pregnant! i am very happy for both women but must say i'm in a bit of a state of shock. i thought i was still in the "friends getting married" phase but apparently i'm running headlong into the "friends having kids" phase as well!

CET :o)

a story about a cake

2008-05-18T20:05:00.006+01:00

Once upon a time in a land far, far away, two women talking deep into the night. Shoe Gal and CET were discussing the heady topic of the number of men they had each slept with.

Upon hearing Shoe Gal's "magic number", CET joked "If you reach number X I will bake you a cake to celebrate!", knowing full well that Shoe Gal wasn't too keen on increasing that number anymore than she had to. The two women laughed and continued chatting until the early hours.

Fast forward to present day - Shoe Gal has met the "Man of her Dreams" and CET couldn't be happier for her, though laments to Shoe Gal that "Now you'll never reach number X so I'll never get to bake you a cake! Oh for shame!" Upon hearing Shoe Gal's account of CET's cry of despair over the lack of baked goods, the knightly Man of Shoe Gal's Dreams decides to take matters into his own hands, unbeknownst to CET.

The day he is to meet CET for the first time (also known as the "Hallowed Meeting of the Friends"), the Knightly Knight hatches his plan. He uses the instrument known as the "World Wide Web", combined with the tool "Canada 411" to look up bakeries in the Toronto area. You must be thinking "Oh how sweet, Knightly Knight is going to buy a cake for CET" but oh no dear readers, he goes one step further: he is going to bake the cake himself, but he needs some help. Knightly Knight may be knightly and all, but he can't bake a cake to save his life.

(phone ringing)

Hippie Bakery Lady: "Hello?"

Knightly Knight: "Hello! I would like you to help me bake a cake."

HBL: "We have plenty of cakes here at our bakery, why don't you pop by and choose one?"

KK: "Oh no, I want to bake the cake myself but I need you to help me."

HBL: "Um sir, we don't allow customers into the kitchen to bake their own cake; I am sorry but I cannot allow it."

KK: "I understand dear Hippie Bakery Lady, but if you listen to me tell my tale and deem it a worthy one, will you relent and allow me to bake a cake with you?"

HBL: "Hmmm, well this story had better be a good one."

Knightly Knight proceeds to weave the tale of Shoe Gal's magic number and how she'll never reach number X now that she's found KK, because he will be her last. "A cake will be lost because of me, so I am determined to make it up to CET," he says. Hippie Bakery Lady is entranced by the tale and deems it a worthy one, so she agrees to allow Knightly Knight into her kitchen where they will bake a cake like no other.

A few hours later the deed is done; a cake emerges from the depths of the bakery - deep, rich chocolate covered in an oozing waterfall of caramel and coconut - the likes of which few have seen and few will ever see. Knightly Knight is pleased.

At the appointed time and place that evening, Shoe Gal brings Knightly Knight to have an audience with CET. Their greeting is warm and friendly; in his hands Knightly Knight is holding a big white box that puzzles both Shoe Gal and CET. With a flourish he presents the box to CET and recounts the events of the day, leading up to this glorious masterpiece. Both Shoe Gal and CET are shocked and overwhelmingly impressed; the cake is an edible aria that delights all the senses. With this simple act Knightly Knight has accomplished three things:

1) He has made an immediately grand and lasting impression on CET, which is of extreme importance in any relationship - the winning over of the significant other's friends;

2) He has gained a multitude of brownie points with Shoe Gal, resulting in lots of hot nooky that Knightly Knight has so richly deserved;

3) He has baked a cake that will go down in history not only for it's unbelieveable taste, but for the story attached to it that will be passed on through the ages.

They all sat down and thoroughly enjoyed the chocolate and caramel dream, and all was well in the Kingdom.

Moral of the story: If you're a dude dating a chick, bake her friends a cake.

THE END

CET :o)

mmm, brownie...

2008-05-14T04:02:00.004+01:00

my mom's friend came by with a plate of brownies...i'm getting distracted by the thought of them downstairs - gooey, rich, chocolatey goodness, mmm - i'm just going to pop down for a bite (make that a mouthful, who am i kidding, several mouthfuls), even though it's past 11pm at night.

one moment please...

*deep, satisfying sigh*

that shit is good.

does anyone who read this blog watch "the hour"? they had a contest on the show to see what the "greatest thing ever" was; the final was between sex and velcro. sex won (OF COURSE) but i swear if sex was pitted against chocolate it would be a totally different outcome. i'm not even kidding.

ANYHOO, much has happened since my last proper post over two weeks ago. nothing juicy or gossipy to report, just the busy-ness of life and random musings in general. in the past two weeks i've:

- joined an ultimate frisbee team, a softball team and a beach volleyball team (yes, i'm crazy);
- had a friend visit from chicago and another one from london (though i ended up not being able to meet up with him);
- spent mother's day planting flowers in the front garden that canuckian and i bought for my mom (hopefully they'll live up to their name of "perennial" and we'll see them next year);
- filled out a survey about blogs that had me thinking about this blog and what it's all about;
- been continually amazed at the great blogs out there and the quality writing that abounds in them...blog envy? perhaps. more like writing envy; and
- bruised my arm from the palm of my hand up to my elbow

oh! and i have a wicked story about a cake (yes a cake, but not just ANY cake, a chocolate cake with caramel and coconut drizzled icing, OH YES) that i want to share with you all. can you tell i'm thinking of nothing but FOOD at the moment???

okay, okay, i will blog about all this but now i'm tired, plus i want more brownie. i swear, how do people find time to blog, let alone compose and edit their posts? sleep beckons, food beckons...

i think sleep wins this round.

CET :o)

p.s. blogger on macs sucks - there are less buttons for all the stuff you want to do. here are the links for "the hour", "greatest thing ever" and the blog survey i filled out:
http://www.cbc.ca/thehour
http://www.cbc.ca/thehour/greatest_wk7.php
http://betedejour.blogspot.com/2008/05/bte-report-truth-about-stats-and-blogs.html

sorry sorry sorry!

2008-05-13T04:05:00.002+01:00

been really busy with stuff but my head's (somewhat) full of stuff to blog...just need enough time to sit down uninterrupted! hope everyone's well - will be back to blogging soon!

CET :o)

i just found myself on youtube

2008-04-25T17:47:00.003+01:00

no, no, no, it's not porn (just in case you were wondering)...i was an actor in a trailer for a film a good friend of mine shot many years ago, i didn't realize he had uploaded it onto youtube! eek! you could click on the link and then click on the you tube link from his webpage, but i won't be telling you which video clip in particular features moi. judging by my low reader numbers however, i'm pretty sure most of you that read this are my friends and will figure out which clip i'm in. enjoy!

CET :o)

answer me this

2008-04-23T05:21:00.000+01:00

when does cultural appreciation become appropriation?

shoo flu shoo, don't bug me!

2008-04-21T02:42:00.002+01:00

two different viruses in two weeks! ugh, what an existence as of late.

glad to report that all that remains (knock on wood) is an itchy throat, runny nose and moments of phlegm. you needed to know that of course.

while i'm home in toronto i want to post pics and talk about it the way i do about london when i'm there. i've already noticed lots of things around my work that i want to photograph...just been waiting for the snow to melt and the sun to come out. now that it has i must remember to carry my camera...

creepy white guy/asian fetish: it's funny how there's so many blogs/articles/books/opinions out there about this topic that i can do a blogroll on it alone - box of jack - stuff white people like - how not to attract an asian woman - okay, so a blogroll of three so far but you get what i mean. everyone has an opinion!

CET :o)

i feel influenza

2008-04-11T02:29:00.002+01:00

CET has missed work this week because of the flu. it hit her like a mac truck on monday morning and raged within her until wednesday evening, when it was replaced by influenza's good friend the HEAD COLD FROM HELL. can sinuses hurt anymore than this? i don't think so.

you know the video to feist's song "i feel it all?" it makes me emotional. it's weird, i know - the video's just of leslie feist running around oil drums giving off fireworks - but the combination of visual and aural, of bursts of light in time with her wonderful music and voice, makes me teary and red-eyed. perhaps it just my sinuses doing their inflamed thing but i don't think so. i love it. i love that music does that to me.

CET :oS

"promise not to stop when i say when"

2008-03-28T00:13:00.005Z

hello readers!

long time no post. no one particular reason really...writer's block? void of thought? hibernation mode? busy but lazy at the same time? take your pick really.

highlights:

a classic girls' night out with sue, vij, canuckian and i: we had a yummy dinner full of good food and long-awaited gossip/catch-up, followed by glamming ourselves up and then heading out for some drinking and dancing. even if the club we ultimately found ourselves in was a bit on the slow side (where was everyone that saturday evening? obviously we didn't know where the "hip" spots were) we had a marvelous time. we shook our respective booties to the beat and i dropped some cheesy 80's dance moves (think "the butterfly") into the mix for some laughs. i chuckle to myself when i think that no matter how glammed up i get, no matter how hot i look in my backless top, when i'm on the dance floor with friends the goofy moves inevitably make an appearance. nothing screams "hot stuff" like doing the running man. :o)

FOO FIGHTERS CONCERT: OH MY GOD CANUCKIAN AND I WENT TO SEE THE FOO FIGHTERS ON SATURDAY AND IT EFFIN' ROCKED SO BIG TIME THAT I'M TYPING THIS ALL IN CAPITALS TO CONVEY HOW EFFIN' AWESOME IT WAS!!! I AM IN SOME SERIOUS LOVE WITH THAT DAVE GROHL - HE IS JUST PURE MAGIC - MUSICALLY TALENTED, FRIGGIN' HILARIOUS, CAN ROCK OUT WITH THE BEST OF THEM - THAT IS WHAT I WANT IN A MAN! OH, AND RUSH MADE AN APPEARANCE, CAN YOU BELIEVE IT??? WHAT A TREAT. RUSH AND THE FOO FIGHTERS ON THE SAME STAGE. EFFIN' ACE. HERE ARE SOME CRAPPY PICS FROM MY CAMERA:

i am still on my foo fighters high. mmm...

canuckian's in new orleans (i.e. n'awlins) at the moment for a conference. lucky bum gets to experience some lovely weather. i told her to buy me stuff. hopefully she will.

my research is going i suppose, the data i need from a certain department is finally coming in in drips and drabs...i don't want to get into it too much as it'll consist of me bitchin' and moanin' about office politics and whatnot...i get bored just thinking about it, let alone typing it all out for you to read it and get bored reading it...MOVIN' ON...

chili doesn't know it but i've arranged a playdate with him and two of my friends' dogs next saturday, two lovely bulldogs named aiko and norm! it'll be the first time they meet so i really do hope they get along. chili loves just about everyone (man or beast) but sometimes they don't love him back - may this not be the case with aiko and norm!

musings:

no musings to report really...like many people i have thoughts and opinions on many things constantly swirling in my head...none of these thoughts settle for long enough to crystallize into anything significant, at least not as of late. oh well, no worries...one can't be so introspective all the time!

gossip:

talk about a cyber-soap opera: i've been reading bete de jour (an ugly man's guide to life, love and happiness) and apparently bete has slept with his best friend's ex, right after they broke up! OH, and his best friend might have multiple sclerosis! sordid shit fo sho. check out their blogs, not only for the drama but for some pretty awesome writing too (well, bete's mainly, his best friend is very angry right now - totally understandable - and just swears a lot).

okay, i think that's about it.

CET :o)

another perspective

2008-03-09T20:06:00.001Z

found this and thought it was an interesting post on being single. kind of relates (in a way) to my post from yesterday.

CET :o)

floundering in the snow

2008-03-09T02:34:00.003Z

yet another snowstorm to hit toronto is right on top of us at the moment...have already been outside twice to shovel the snow (thank god for snowblowers)...this weather event has resulted in CET, along with most people in the city, being shut up in their homes hibernating/willing the snow to go away. i actually don't mind all the snow, i just hate being stuck at home on the weekend!

research project: a bit slow-going but it's getting there, just waiting on some data to come in. the supervisor who i'm in awe of is actually based in the states so i won't have too much contact with him...it's all good now as he doesn't intimidate me as much anymore, not after i had to tell him who justin timberlake was...funny story that. anyhoo, i'm deep in the middle of research for my literature review and i must say, lit reviews are not a favourite of mine.

musing: this past week and a half has seen me meet up with two friends of mine (separately), each with the news that they have found "the one". i am in awe of this because these two women are not the "typical" women who believe in the one and actively seek him out - if anything they don't believe in the one at all - but BAM! it happened, when they never expected it to.

i don't believe in "the one" or "your soulmate". why can't your soulmate be your twin, your friend, a family member? why can't you have more than one soulmate? why is there always such an emphasis on romantic love and not familial love or friendship love? and how come people always conveniently seem to find their soulmate at a time when they (according to society) should get married? i'm not saying it's not genuine for my two friends (and i am sooo happy for them both); yes i'm cynical but perhaps i'm also feeling the societal pressure of finding "my match", especially when i see it happening to people around me. a friend of mine said we need to "get our crap together, hurry up and track down our guys". i don't know about that.

i guess i'm somewhat conflicted because on one hand i find you always meet someone when you least expect it (i know i have), so a part of me thinks i should just do my thing and it'll happen when it happens. another part of me though knows you can't sit around waiting for that person to come along, you have to be pro-active about it, so putting yourself out there, whether it be joining an online dating site or just being more forward in approaching people (i.e. do whatever works for you), is definitely a good thing.

so which is it? one or the other or a little of both? if it does happen when you least expect it, then actively seeking people out will mean you DO expect it, so then perhaps it won't happen? who the fuck knows.

anyhoo, that's my musing for the day. thoughts and comments always welcome. i think i'm experiencing a bit of cabin fever.

word up!

CET :o)

quick note

2008-03-06T02:52:00.002Z

i have a bit to blog about but need time to construct it and put it together. this is not helped by the fact that the internet connection's in canuckian's room and she's being a stroppy biatch at the moment. hahaha, i know she'll read this and say "SHUT UP COW!" ahhh, gotta love it.

yes we do have wireless but the hub is in her room, attached to her computer, which needs to be on in order for the wireless to work. her computer hums (as all computers do), thus resulting in canuckian's biatchiness because although it's not even 10pm, she needs her BEAUTY SLEEP.

as she would say "whatevs."

i think "the hills" is the worst thing to hit TV.

will blog more when i can!

CET :o)

holy mutha

2008-02-26T02:49:00.002Z

it's fair to say that i'm overwhelmed.

today was my first day at the centre where i'm doing my research project. met with most of my supervisors and fleshed out what's going to happen/what needs to happen in the next three months i'm there. all of my supervisors are bloody brilliant (i.e. friggin' smart), but one in particular left me slightly quaking by his genius. actually, it was watching the speed at which his mind works added to all the tech-speak pouring out of his mouth, directed at me, that left me feeling exhausted just listening to him.

i need my shower and i need my bed. my brain is fried.

eek.

CET :oS

hot pot

2008-02-23T23:52:00.004Z

well it's been three days since i got home...it's funny how my life is so different here than in london, primarily because i live with the parental unit while in toronto. there is always this "lull" when i first get home, settling in and whatnot, before my life picks up again. i have a feeling my time here will be busy.

i LOVE it when the plane isn't full and i get two seats to myself, ahhh...it's time like these that i curse not choosing the middle aisle, thereby getting a whole FOUR seats to myself!

i finally finished reading "the amber spyglass" by philip pullman, the last book in "his dark materials" trilogy, while on the plane home. i'm always kind of sad when i finish such a great book - i want to stay immersed in their world a little while longer - and you never have another chance to read the book for the first time. i would LOVE a daemon, though perhaps i already have one but just can't see him?

here are a few more pics of london (while walking along the southbank) the sunday before i left:

browsing for books

some guy on the edge of the thames at low tide creating a sand sculpture of a sea turtle

i liked the line of trees

CET :o)

change

2008-02-20T01:30:00.004Z

i'm leaving london for toronto today. i'm starting a research project back home, although it will count towards my degree here. just finished packing my life up (how did i acquire so much?). my bed beckons.

whether i leave toronto for london or london for toronto, every single time i feel like i'm leaving just when things are good. like michael buble's song, "home", "it's like i stepped outside, when everything was going right."

don't get me wrong, i love going home, but i will definitely miss my londontown. here are some pics from the last few days:

Brockwell Park

View of the London Skyline from the Southbank

Christchurch in my beloved Spitalfields

goodbye london! hello toronto!

CET :o)

beautiful things

2008-02-10T23:03:00.000Z

EXAMS ARE DONE, WOOHOO! and that's all i'm going to say about that. :o)

i came across this blog where the author chronicles three beautiful things that happen in her life each day. i have a week to bring you up to date on, and i can't keep it to just three, but i will pinch the format for today's post:

Beautiful Things In the Past Week:

1. sitting on the side of the bathtub with nunuk at 3am after a night of dancing after my last exam; we were soaking our aching, dance-worn feet while munching on fried chicken and chips.

2. chatting with coffee shop hottie and finding out he was born in the year of the monkey (making him 27).

3. having the time to wander around my favourite haunts (coffee shop, spitalfields, brick lane) without a care in the world.

4. going to bluewater with some friends and buying a sexy, very scandalous top.

5. finally starting philip pullman's "the amber spyglass" and being totally engrossed in it, so much so that i got in trouble at the pharmacy by my boss (but i didn't care). I LOVE IOREK.

6. celebrating the year of the rat with family, friends, parades, fireworks and GOOD FOOD.

7. a beautiful weekend of weather here in londontown.

8. youngin' telling me in his indirect, boyish but sincere way that he doesn't want to see me leave england. it made me smile.

number 8 happened at the school bar on friday; i was working and he showed up, buying me G&Ts (a job where you can drink on the job!) and chatting with me for a few hours before heading out with his mates for a boys' night on the town. he asked me what my plans were after graduation (i still have over a year left); i told him most likely i'll be going home to canada, though i have had thoughts lately about qualifying here in england first. he then proceeds to tell me that england needs more people like me, that i'm unique (although he used the word "obscure" i think, hahaha) and that he'll be sad to see me go. he then leaned over the bar and gave me a quick kiss on the cheek before dashing off.

before you get any negative thoughts in your head don't worry, nothing happened or will happen; i just think we share a mutual fondness for each other and that was his way of telling me he'll miss me. his speech reminds me of the scene from "bridget jones' diary" where bridget makes an ass of herself in front of everyone at the darcy's anniversary party when it's announced that mark darcy is moving to new york; she gives a speech about england losing its "top person" and "legal brain" and when youngin' gave his little schpiel to me, that scene came to mind.

i got this off of youtube (of course); it's a little long and i think it downloads a bit slow, but the scene's somewhere in the middle and it still cracks me up:

CET :o)

for a particular reader...

2008-02-03T00:55:00.000Z

i hope you know who you are! enjoy!

CET :o)

one down...

2008-01-30T22:05:00.000Z

...and one to go!

had my first exam today. i did the best that i could and that's that. am so glad that's over with! no more microbiology, woohoo!

am slightly drunk on a fine red wine at the moment...i was so giddy that i got through the first of two brutal exams that i couldn't wait to drown myself in red wine...mmm, wine...

watched "what women want", you know that film with mel gibson and helen hunt? ugh. i've seen that movie already but it's one of those things where it's on tv and you can't be bothered to change the channel...anyway...god, do i have a problem with it or what?!? like women even think of half of the crap that they think of in the film...i was telling my flatmate (male) that women only think of these things when actively psychoanalyzing a particular situation, geez...it's not like we think of men all the bloody time. and i think as a guy it would be an excellent skill to have, knowing what women want - no games, no bullshit just everything straight up - men always complain about not being able to read a woman's mind so now here's their chance! i would love to be able to read a man's mind, even for just one day...i'm sure there wouldn't be much there that i didn't already know (hahahahahahahaha)...sex, sex, and more sex, yadda yadda yadda...whatever, anyhoo, that was a crap film but i still watched it nonetheless, in my wine-induced haze...

now "weird science " is on, god i love john hughes...

gonna take my last gulp of the red wine, mmm...

CET :o)

just a quick note...

2008-01-29T12:14:00.000Z

it's the day before "Exam D-Day #1" so i'll have to keep this short (something about having to revise); just wanted to point out to you all a new link under "Blogs I Like" - a hearty welcome to Random Pinkness! she's a student in aberdeen, scotland and i think it's fair to say we've become mutual fans of each other's blogs. in the grand scheme of the blogsphere my blog isn't either well-read or well-known but that's besides the point; i know there's a blogger community out there that i have yet to really explore and with ms. pinkness i think i'm starting to. so welcome RP and to my readers out there, check her out!

CET :o)

coming down to the wire

2008-01-26T16:32:00.001Z

four days until my first exam, it's getting close...i just want these horrid things over with! i will be happily viewing the world through beer goggles on friday afternoon, shaking my booty to cheesy music like i've never shaken it before. oh yes, mark my words.

the last time i took a walk i made sure i took a picture of the roof of this house:

how cool is that? not something you see everyday. i wonder what possessed the owner to build that?

here's another picture of my current hood though it was taken a while back, late last year:

i love the sky in that picture.

i was so bad today, i was surfing the net reading all my usual blogs when i came across a jewellery website (based in australia) and ended up buying a necklace! it was on sale and will be in my grubby little paws in seven days' time. i think it's beautiful, and will post a pic of me wearing it when it arrives! talk about procrastination costing you.

okay, back to revision! i am such an exciting girl on an early saturday night.

CET :o)

yep, angry phase kicking in

2008-01-24T23:44:00.000Z

i had a good long telephone catch-up with my friend nunuk tonight (he was in france visiting his luv-ah); i gave him an update on youngin' and upon talking about it with nunuk i realized something, which was enforced when i went back and read all my posts on him:

it was all youngin's fault.

i gave him the benefit of the doubt FAR too many times. i was there for him, empathized with him and took his side when he totally didn't deserve it! if it wasn't one issue with youngin' it was another. first it was him, then it was his family, next it was outstanding issues with his ex; god, and every time i sympathized, like he was the victim in all of these problems when really he orchestrated it (or pretty much most of it). i didn't want him to hurt so i let myself get hurt instead. what a fool i was! argh!

in a strange sort of way he reminds me of my very first boyfriend oh so many years ago, in my last year of high school; a moody, miserable git that blamed his parents and the whole world for his misery. only difference is youngin' wasn't by any means as moody as first bf was, plus he's a helluva lot more good-looking than first bf (a girl's gotta move up, not down!). :o)

though it's useless saying this now i should've known better with youngin' than to start something with him; his middle name is the same name as first bf - that should've been the tip-off.

CET :o)

diabolical writing

2008-01-22T20:17:00.000Z

another day of revision comes and goes...left the flat today for a late lunch in the village, followed by a snail's pace stroll back to the flat. then more revision. then dinner. then revision. lather. rinse. repeat. lather. rinse. repeat.

back home over christmas i saw the movie "juno" and i loved it! paulie bleecker IS boss. and canadian too (the oh-so-sweet-you-want-to-pinch-his-cheeks michael cera). i didn't realize until today that it was written by a blogger, diablo cody to be exact. she seems like one pretty cool chick. i like her. here's her myspace link.

and finally, i stole this from diablo cody's blog but heck, it's from youtube. in regards to youngin' i think i'm feeling a little like angela chase at the moment, though perhaps with a little less teenage angst:

CET :o)

a desk instead of a ball

2008-01-20T20:01:00.000Z

exam time is here and CET is deep in revision, that is when she's not checking e-mails every two seconds, checking facebook every two seconds, browsing her itunes every two seconds, going to the kitchen for a snack every two seconds, and generally procrastinating every two seconds, she is getting her work done. :o)

still actually quite bummed out about youngin'...the same questions that will never be answered keep swimming in my head; i think about what he's up to, whether he thinks about me and if so what he thinks...i want him to think about me and regret not taking a chance with me. i want him to miss me. and i wonder what's worse - not seeing him these next couple of weeks but thinking about him, or seeing him everyday at school and thinking about him - i just want him out of my head already. if i could just remove that part of my hypothalamus in charge of emotions from my brain, place it in a box on my desk, keep it there for the duration of exams and then place it back into my brain afterwards, i'd be fine. that's what i need, a hypothalamic lobotamy.

i left the flat for a walk yesterday afternoon, after not leaving for three days in a row (yes people, i am literally chained to my desk); i had to get out to remind myself what fresh air smelled like (in london it smells pretty much like pollution) and to stretch my muscles before they atrophied. i walked to the nearby village and came across a pile of tulips on sale...i ended up buying tulips in the same colours as the ones i bought last year, when living in whitechapel with vij. deep purple, bright fuschia and pale pink.

oh, and i popped by the coffee shop on wednesday and chatted briefly with coffee shop hottie; still as cute as ever and still with the same brown eyes that i could happily swim in. i daydreamed today that he came into the bar where i work and promptly chatted me up!

i miss vij. i miss my american classmate too (she's finishing her degree in the states). i miss having another fun, brilliant, slightly crazy single girl to hash the gossip with, to hit the town with and paint it red. anyone know where i can meet one?

right, back to studying.

CET

hope and redemption

2008-01-17T23:44:00.000Z

took an (extended) break from studying tonight to watch "shawshank redemption" - i have always caught bits and bobs of it but have never seen it from start to finish - and it's beautiful. slow, understated but resonant with feeling. and morgan freeman? i love him. one day when i'm old i want the wrinkles on my face to be as deeply etched as his, each one telling a story.

in other news, i've realized i am quite annoyed with facebook and reading the current status updates of my friends. i mean, it's a well-known fact that facebook is a great stalking tool - you KNOW i'm not talking scary stalking, more like creepin' on your latest crush, that's all - and don't TELL me you haven't at least once looked up a past love, a current lover, or a long-time crush; what i don't like are the updates that suggest something about how the person's feeling or what they're doing, like they want the whole world to know but they don't say it outright - it leaves you guessing as to what they mean. shit like "(insert name) is up against the naughty wall." huh? do i even want to know? i DON'T want to know and yet now i sort of know and my mind's going in a thousand different directions! ARGH!

lesson learnt: do not read friends' status updates; disable function that allows them to pop up on the news feed and along the side bar. and don't blog when you think you're going to end up sounding slightly crazy. make that extremely crazy.

CET :o)

penile discussion

2008-01-14T15:32:00.000Z

through The Girl's blog i found this new one from the male (or, three males) perspective, called Todger Talk. it's funny, witty and a great forum where men can talk honestly and openly about sex and relationships.

there was a particular post today on todger talk that i felt like was written just for me, given my recent experience with youngin'. click on the link and let me know what you think! i definitely do agree with the statment though that "in most people's minds masculine man = male chauvinist pig" when this doesn't have to be the case!

guys: you can be masculine without being an asshole.

CET :o)

signs

2008-01-09T17:32:00.000Z

someone who works for the city of london needs to learn how to spell:

so true:

recycling is the devil's work:

just all in a day in londontown.

CET :o)

knots

2008-01-08T22:06:00.000Z

i've been back in london since last thursday and jet lag is still kicking my butt. woke up around 2:30 this morning and had a hell of a time trying to fall back asleep.

it's gone past 10pm now and given my state of consciousness (or lack thereof), i don't think any studying will get done tonight. i still seem to have half a mind to blog though. :o)

i have that feeling where you need to be out of your own skin, if only for a little while. restless, itchy, wanting to scream and run around but not being able to. melancholy over youngin', stressed about pending exams...my mind and my body can't seem to settle.

i want to punch youngin' and hug him at the same time.

i was talking to a friend today and she said my problem is that i tell the guys i date too soon that it's not my intention to stay in england after i'm done my degree (it never was, it never will be). she says because it's established that i'm not going to live here permanently, it gives them the mindset that this will only be casual and that they don't have to invest their feelings in me, hence they will have fun with me for the time i'm here, but then as soon as i go back home to toronto, whether for christmas or for the summer, by the time i return they have already started dating someone else. depending on the guy they will either have told me right away (i.e. french canadian, youngin'), not at all (office boy), or only after i drag it out of them because they're too chicken shit to tell me of their own accord (i.e. londoner).

do you think this is the case? what's the point of postponing the truth, of telling them later rather than sooner that i won't be in london forever? get them in deep and then spring it on them? i don't think that's fair to the guy at all.

there's definitely a pattern to my dating but are they all connected or have i just been unlucky enough for it to happen to me four consecutive times?

my sister canuckian complained that i've been posting about boys too much lately, but i don't think i can help it. school and boys (well, a particular boy) have pretty much occupied my mind and my time since october. and do people want to read my whinging and whining about school, or about boys? :o)

i continue to have thoughts and observations about living in london and will try to write about them when i can, but at the moment everything seems hazy and grey and it's not just the bad english weather.

CET :o(

no more

2008-01-04T14:14:00.000Z

no more "benefits" with youngin. that's it. i'm done.

we had a talk last night and we decided (due to our respective reasons) that our friendship is more important than the benefits, and that continuing the benefits will only hurt (me mostly, of course). i told him how much he has hurt me and he feels like shit and i'm glad, because he deserves it. At least for a little while.

he asked for my forgiveness but i said that will have to come with time.

i've also noticed a pattern in the men that i've dated and/or slept with in the last two years and i don't like it; while i don't ever want the fear of getting hurt to stop me from meeting people/starting a relationship with them, i seriously need a break from all this bullshit, and will perhaps be more discerning with who i will allow in my heart next.

in other news, i have an endocrinology test on my first day back at school next monday, as well as a pharmacy practice assessment graded by the royal pharmaceutical society of great britain on friday. i have to pass in order to enter my fourth year. oh joy!

wish me luck people,
CET :o)

a bit of my everyday

2008-01-02T03:20:00.000Z

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

i want to start off the new year with the picture below - i pass by it everyday while on the train to charing cross. two little words but it brightens my day and reminds me to have strength. i hope looking at this will help you find your courage too!

all the best in 2008! i wish nothing but joy and success (in its many forms) for everyone.

CET :o)

falling into a situation

2007-12-17T03:39:00.000Z

no posts in forever, and now i'm a blogging machine!

update on the youngin': i think we have fallen into that clear-as-mud category known as "friends...with benefits". i think it's a combination of him not being able to make up his mind and my waves of strength and weakness. actually, i should give myself a little more credit because i'm going into this with my eyes open - i know exactly what the situation is and i control my part in it - it's just that i know that whether or not i sleep with him it's still going to hurt. obviously you might think it's stupid of me to get into all that, knowing i'm going to get hurt, and why hurt more when you can hurt less, but even if there were no "benefits" attached to our friendship, leaving the friendship in february (i'm coming back to toronto to do a research project) will still make me sad.

it's very strange because perhaps in a different time and a different place things might've worked out (for a least a while longer than it actually did); my flatmate asked me if i wondered what our relationship (in the general sense of the word) would have been like if it didn't start the way that it started, with all that flirting and kissing, but i say what's the point in thinking those things? youngin' and i have an intense attraction to each other that's fuelled by our respectively flirty natures - even if we had started out as "just friends" i'm pretty sure it would've become more than that pretty quickly. anyhoo...

basically, with or without the sex, youngin' and i get on like a house on fire - he is quite unlike any of my friends in london and strangely enough, i think that's what i gravitate to the most - he brings out a side of me that hasn't been brought out in a while. neuronal pathways, little used in that particular region of the brain, are firing again. he just makes me think and interact in a way that i find refreshing and fun. it just all depends on me as to whether this fun includes between the sheets.

CET :o)

holy crap, i'm 30

2007-12-17T03:22:00.000Z

i have officially entered a new decade. my twenties are behind me. HOLY SHIT!

all year i've felt quite nonchalant about turning 30, but in the last couple of months leading up to my birthday i've been slightly stressed about it. perhaps i feel it more acutely as i go to school with people who are almost 10 years my junior. yikes.

when i received my first birthday card with the big "3-0" emblazoned on the front i had a mini panic attack! i woke up on my birthday grappling with the concept (now a reality) that i wasn't in my twenties anymore. after a succession of kick-ass birthday parties however (why have one when you can have three?), i think i am learning to be okay with it. it's no big deal really - i still look pretty young for my age and i certainly don't feel older - i think my anxiety was temporary. well, i hope so!

it's funny because while perhaps i don't want to be 30 just yet, i certainly don't want to go back to my early 20s or anything like that. i love everything that i've experienced, both good and bad, these last ten years of my life - i wouldn't change a thing - so why go back to it? i feel wiser, stronger, more sure of myself than i have ever felt before and i love the fact that i am where i am, doing what i am doing today. if feeling this way means putting a "3" where there once was a "2", then so be it!

CET :o)

it's all good (well, getting there)

2007-11-29T13:52:00.000Z

things between youngin' and i are over. i am glad and relieved. i must say although the primary reason things pittered out was him, it was also his particular situation, and because of that there are no hard feelings between us and things will remain amicable. i am glad for that too.

things i will miss the most: his hands and lips. strong, experienced hands and big, full lips, the kind you can kiss/suck/gnaw on for hours, mmm...

CET :o)

i'm alive, i'm alive!

2007-11-27T21:00:00.000Z

it's been a long month.

i'm sorry for my absence from the blogsphere - i'll state the usual about how school is crazy and absolutely hectic but it's true, in addition to my two part-time jobs - but let's just skip all that and get to the gossip:

i met a boy and boy oh boy, it's been up and it's been down (it's currently down). what shall i call him? hmmm, i've had a few suggestions from a friend that i will not repeat here...suffice it to say he is a few years younger than me (i seem to have a knack for attracting the younger man)...let's call this one "the youngin'".

i met him while working at the bar, about a three weeks ago...yup, he was successful in picking up the bartender. the first two weeks were great - he's funny, teases me relentlessly, is straightforward and doesn't play games (well, until recently). all that changed last week.

i don't want to get into the details (i want to be somewhat respectful and not spill his beans, only mine) but basically the youngin' has certain issues to deal with and it's a case of "it's not you, it's me". it's also a case of his idea of "casual dating" being very different from mine.

i don't know how to write this without spilling everything, so instead i'll just tell you how i'm feeling. i feel sad. frustrated. angry. everything was going so well, and now he just leaves me feeling upset all the time. things are complicated by the fact that i see him pretty much everyday (it's slightly scandalous because he works at my school! don't worry, there's absolutely no conflict of interest here, promise), not to mention that he's a regular at the bar. and whatever happens between us (currently what's happening is shitsville), i'll have to see him until i'm done my degree in over a year and a half's time. great.

why do things have to be so complicated? why do boys always leave me feeling upset and empty, and even lonelier than when i was alone? perhaps this is what i get for letting myself go with people too quickly, and i don't even mean physically but emotionally. i don't know how else to be though, and i'm not sure if i want to change that aspect of myself.

it's only a week and a half before i fly home for christmas. i will be glad for it.

CET :o(

high road? what high road?

2007-10-27T20:29:00.000+01:00

discussing the latest news on londoner with T&A late thursday night, A jokingly/half-seriously suggested i e-mail londoner back, calling him a loser. A's comment made for a good laugh but you know what? the next day i actually did it! londoner IS a loser, especially for expecting me to forgive him because he's honestly a "good" guy. so this is what i wrote:

loser.

when you "finally" get this e-mail in another four months' time...still a loser.

HA! :o)

the reference to receiving my e-mail in four months' time refers to his "claim" that he hardly checks his e-mail and that he "just" received my e-mail from the summer only recently, although for some reason he replies to something i sent two days ago in a matter of hours. mmmhmmm.

i must say i always pride myself in taking the high road (well, most of the time) but writing that to him was so cathartic for me! woohoo! in yer face loser!

CET :o)

life and school - happy co-existence or no?

2007-10-25T21:42:00.000+01:00

ten days since my last post and there's lots to tell!

school is KICKING MY ASS. the pace and workload are relentless! i keep up with the coursework which is fine, but all the extra notes you're suppose to take/keep up with outside of class, all the readings, holy shit, there is just so much to do! in first and second year you could kind of get away with not doing too much until exam time (as evidenced by my frequent trips to the coffee shop, spitalfields market, kinetica, brick lane, etc.) but not this year - if you don't start now you are seriously screwed. i sometimes wonder if my brain has the holding capacity for all this information? seriously!

last wednesday i was in the studio audience during a taping of the GRAHAM NORTON SHOW!!! for those who don't know who he is, click on this link. he was sooo funny and the whole experience was great; best part was the fact that i was pretty close to the front, so everytime the camera was pointed to the audience you could see me! ha ha ha, my few milliseconds of fame. gabriel byrne was a guest and he was pretty cool, though it took him forever to tell one story, even if they were good. they cut out a lot of what he said just for that fact alone. and the second best part - the musical act on were THE BACKSTREET BOYS! hahahahahahaha - they were so bad, i was laughing throughout their entire performance. and yes, they really are that short in real life. oh, and for my friends in canada, i taped the show so if you want to see me on it i'll bring it back to toronto over christmas. :o)

i've gotten a second job that i started last week - i am officially a bar wench! yes that's right, CET got a job at her university bar. last friday was training day and i must say i'm liking it very much; it's a great way to meet people and there is something slightly cool about being a bartender. tomorrow's my first shift on my own - wish me luck! oh, that reminds me, i need to e-mail prof b and personally invite him down for a drink. :o)

the last couple of times i've been to the coffee shop i haven't seen the hottie; instead, i have discovered another POTENTIAL coffee shop hottie, all in the same shop! it started when i walked in one day wearing one of my t-shirts from threadless; this one is entitled "diabolical hot dog":

how awesome is that t-shirt? anyhoo, potential CSH looked up and immediately commented on it. today i wore another threadless t-shirt, this time it was "rock how to":

and again i caught him looking my way, checking out my tee, though this time he didn't say anything. we looked at each other a few times, smiled at each other a bit and i thought to myself "hmmm, he is quite cute." the only thing is that i am NOT going to ask him out, NO WAY IN HELL - how would that look if i systematically went through all the male workers at that coffee shop, asking each one out in turn? BAD, BAD, BAD. so all i'm saying is that there's something else to keep me occupied when i'm there, besides drinking my tea...

ooo, and a little bit more boy gossip: londoner has returned (well, sort of). so i haven't heard from him since the end of june/beginning of july. on the advice of a friend, i texted him when i got back to london letting him know i was back in town. nada. nothing. so yes, of course i get the hint - i got the hint even before the summer was over. anyhoo, what bugged me about the whole thing was that this was the same person who was so "open and honest", who confided in me about personal things that you just don't tell people you've just met; someone who waxed poetic about life, philosophy, true love, blah, blah, blah...he seemed so sincere, so for it to end like this...if anything, i was upset at the lack of respect he showed me by not contacting me, even if it's just to let me know that he's no longer interested or that he's met someone else. french canadian had the good sense to let me know he was dating someone new when i got back from DC last year, so why not londoner? i don't expect much from anyone except they be up front and honest with me - apparently that's a tall order.

okay, so a couple of evenings ago i e-mailed him, letting him know what i thought. it wasn't a bitchy e-mail or anything like that, it was simple and to the point, and if anything, writing that e-mail was more for me than for him, as at least i got to say what i wanted to say and be done with it. i sent it to him not expecting a reply (would i really expect an e-mail at this point? ha!) and lo and behold, less than 48 hours after sending it off i get a reply. what the fuck? as soon as i call you out on your shit you contact me? in his reply he basically said he procrastinated in contacting me back; that he really is open and honest but that he is also very weak. he also told me that he met someone new over the summer but that he still really likes me, so if i can forgive him then perhaps we can be friends "somewhat". right.

i'm pretty certain i will not be replying to that. what's the point? what semblance of a friendship would we have? i frankly do not want to be friends with someone who does shit like that. friends of mine have said "oh, but he had the best of intentions" - bollocks i say. i want someone who does what he says and says what he does, plain and simple. i want someone to like me so much that he will ACTUALLY call when he wants to call, and WANTS to hang out with me and makes it so! are these basic wants so far-fetched and unattainable? seriously!

thoughts, people, opinions? what say you?

CET :o)

almost forgot!

2007-10-15T22:46:00.000+01:00

walked into the coffee shop on friday afternoon and to my utter delight, saw the beautiful mocha eyes of my lovely coffee shop hottie. he asked me how my summer in canada was and i asked about his; we spoke a bit about the miserable summer weather-wise that england experienced, and that's about it.

may not seem like much of an exchange and perhaps it wasn't, but it made me smile.

mmm, he's a part of my routine, my life here in londontown and i'm happy to resume it again.

CET :o)

dresses and weddings, oh my!

2007-10-15T22:21:00.000+01:00

walked by coast today, a store that specializes in beautiful dresses for special occasions. it's one of those stores you walk by where you wistfully gaze at the window, wishing your wallet was just that much bigger. they were having a mid-season sale so i thought i'd "pop" in just to see what was on offer. ended up buying a chocolate and cream strapless number that i absolutely love, and for half price! score!

i justify it in my brain because i have FIVE weddings already in the books to attend next summer (one in may, two in june, one in august and one in september) - a girl's gotta have a kick-ass dress, right?

that's what i keep telling myself.

a bit of a quiet weekend i suppose. went out with t&a on friday for drinks and dinner - ended up getting drunk on a concoction that was suppose to be a long island ice tea but tasted like pure tequila. fell asleep on the coach. classy.

saturday was a morning of homework followed by an afternoon wandering around greenwich park and market. had a freshly shucked french oyster for about a pound. mmm, delicieux! :o) spent the evening watching NCSI, CSI las vegas, law and order: special victims unit, and criminal minds. if that's not an exciting, party-filled saturday night then i don't know what is. :o)

sunday was spent wandering around camden with nunuk. great weather, lots of cute eye candy, good food and good company - a lovely way to spend a very rare, lovely fall day in londontown.

CET :o)

on my way to school this morning...

2007-10-12T00:32:00.000+01:00

hungerford bridge in the morning light:

getting off the train at charing cross station:

this is the park by my school. it looks like the branch is about to tap the man on the head!

my feet in the leaves. i like taking pictures of my feet in different locations. weird, i know.

the soccer/football field across from the park:

CET :o)

the view from my window

2007-10-10T23:22:00.000+01:00

this is the view from my window now:

compared to last year:

what a difference, eh? i'm obviously living in a part of london now that is a little quieter, more suburban than the hustle and bustle of east london. i do miss the organized chaos and the grittiness (not to mention being within walking distance to spitalfields, brick lane, and my favourite coffee shop), but i am starting to appreciate the space, the green and the trees, as well as breathing in (relatively) cleaner air when i step outside on my way to school, compared to the sludge they call air in the central part of the city.

coffee shop: i went last friday with my evil hypnotist and coffee shop hottie wasn't there. two new people were there instead. hmmm. this was the first time i stepped in since i've been back here so i'm not panicking just yet; i plan to pop by tomorrow so we shall see if i'm lucky enough to run into him...

it's so funny because tonight classmate T and her fiance A and i were talking about potential suitors for me amongst their friends. i honestly don't know what i want at the moment, or whether i'm even actively looking; perhaps it's a lull brought on by lack of action in that department, or indifference, i don't know, but i feel like my life's too full at the moment with other things to concentrate on finding a mate. perhaps that's a cop out, i don't know, but it just doesn't feel like one of my priorities at the moment. maybe i just haven't been "swept up" by anyone yet.

CET :o)

finally

2007-10-08T17:41:00.000+01:00

hello everyone!

big apologies for the hiatus from the blogsphere, as per usual my life consisted of a whirlwind of activity in toronto right up to my flight back to london, and as per usual my time in london has consisted of settling into my new digs, catching up with old friends and yeah, school. this term is going to be a doozy.

right before i left for the uk i took a short break outside of toronto to visit with friends. it was a trip that was both amazing and frustrating at the same time. i'll try to make this short, because although you perhaps haven't heard the story, i have recounted it to various friends numerous times, and at this point i'm just sick of the whole thing. here we go...

one of the friends on this trip, let's call her squiggle, is a very difficult person to like, let alone travel with. she's young, immature, self-righteous, snobby, self-absorbed and frankly annoying. my other friend, let's call him muscle, his generally a good guy but a little on the intense side; he gets riled up easily.

basically, these two friends on a trip together made for some serious head-butting and guess who was caught in the middle? yup, me. muscle would rant at me about squiggle, squiggle would be completely oblivious to her annoying effect on people, and i had to put up with this for the entire trip. thank god for our tour guide and new-found friend, a local named guppy. he was cute, funny as hell and was what basically kept me sane for the entire time. we hit it off right away - there was some definite flirting between us - so at least when i wasn't getting pissed off at the other two i was laughing and flirting it up with him.

i thought the flirting was going somewhere, but during my one off day when i really couldn't take anyone anymore (and walked off), squiggle proceeded to move in on guppy and pretty much flirted with him shamelessly for the rest of the trip.

thanks, squiggle, thanks. that's called being a friend.

so while the vistas were amazing along with most of the people i met on this trip, it was definitely tainted by this whole squiggle/muscle/guppy fiasco. i was quite gutted about guppy, only because he made me laugh like no one else in a long time, and i thought i would at least get a snog out of it! "the way to a man's heart is through his stomach" - i would say that the way to my heart is through my funny bone, and guppy sure knew how to hit it.

CET :o)

summer's end

2007-09-02T21:06:00.000+01:00

it's been a while since i blogged but the truth is i don't really have much to blog about at the moment...correction, i have lots of thoughts i'd like to put down but there just isn't any time at the moment...i still haven't written my post about why i don't believe in "the one", or my thoughts surrounding turning thirty soon (in response to karen cheng's call for submissions).

work (both full-time and part-time jobs) are ending soon, classmate T and her now-fiance A (congrats to you both!) are coming to visit next week, after that i'm taking a week-long trip for some much-needed R&R, then as soon as i'm home from that i'm packing and leaving for london again!

my summer here at home has been as great as always. even though we grow older and some of us create new families, and even though we're all so busy with life, i love the fact that the people i consider my good friends will always make time to meet up, even if it's just for a coffee. perhaps it's kind of sad that it has to be this way (indicative of our fast-paced society perhaps), but friendships (not just relationships) require effort and i'm glad that everyone still makes the effort to see each other. i think friendships are just as big a priority as work, marriage, etc., and it's good to see my friends think so too, married or otherwise!

CET :o)

young playas - holla!

2007-08-20T15:01:00.000+01:00

i was visiting a friend at her new home on friday night; i was sitting on the porch while she was watering the lawn.

three young boys wheeled by on their bikes - they couldn't have been more than twelve years old - one of them shouted at us, "hey sexy, lemme holla at cha!" or something to that effect.

CET, yelling this down the street as they wheeled away: "WHY DON'T YOU GROW SOME PUBES FIRST?"

then i spent the rest of the time laughing my ass off, especially when one of them rode back to do a wheelie in front of us, just to impress us. i turned to my friend and asked "is that the twelve year old equivalent of a man driving a porsche?" too funny.

CET :o)

and see what i mean?

2007-08-13T22:22:00.000+01:00

i finally watched "pirates of the caribbean III" on friday and it proves my point about society's take on marriage - elizabeth swann (keira knightly) and will turner (orlando bloom) get married first before they have sex at the end of the film - obviously disney couldn't show them getting it on without a set of marriage vows exchanged first. sure, it was back in the day when sex before marriage was a HUGE no no (compared to it being a small no no, relatively speaking, now) and notice how calypso and davy jones got it on in the past but their relationship ended horribly - perhaps this is a snide reference/commentary to having sex before marriage? perhaps i'm reading too much into this and need to get a life? i think it's a little of both.

CET :o)

is this what i'm going through?

2007-08-13T03:45:00.000+01:00

from miss ruckus:

saturn return

check out this blurb from wikipedia as well.

hmmm...

CET :o)

CET fans

2007-08-09T19:13:00.001+01:00

oh and i'd also like to say how happy it makes me when i find i still (after almost two years) have fans of my blog! i don't expect or necessarily want huge numbers of readers, i just want those who do read my blog to enjoy it. i also hope that my writing style continues to improve. there are definitely better/more interesting blogs out there, so i appreciate those who take the time to click on mine and have a read.

and as always, comments are more than welcome, even if it's just to say hello!

CET :o)

thursday afternoon musings

2007-08-09T18:34:00.000+01:00

spent this past long weekend at mr. bing's family cottage. every year we go and every year it's fantastic - swimming in the warm water, jumping off the dock playing silly water games, lazing about in the hot tub or taking a nap in the sun room, roasting marshmallows by the fire at night, covered up to the nines to keep the mosquitoes at bay...the days seem endless and the memories made are forever!

had dinner last night with some old friends from my university days (first degree, not current!). i find lately that the talk invariably shifts to men, marriage and babies. the three of us are similar in age but at very different stages in our lives; one is in a long-term relationship, and is practically engaged, one is recovering from a bad break-up, and then there's me, actively dating (well, trying to anyway) and just enjoying the scene for a while.

men: where exactly are these "good" men? that always seems to be the universal complaint from all my single girlfriends. i'm actually starting to get really sick and tired of that phrase everytime i hear it - it's like you have more of a chance of getting struck by lightning than finding a "good" man. i do have my moments of frustration with men, obviously, and i'm sure there are times where i'm the one screaming that phrase at the top of my lungs, but for the most part i think that finding a "good" man requires being pro-active about it but also being in the right place at the right time, which is something you really can't control. most importantly, i believe working on yourself and enjoying your own life should take precedence over "the search for a good man". i hope that wasn't too preachy!

marriage: all this marriage talk is annoying me too. i'm completely happy for those who are married, who are about to get married, and those who want to get married, but listening/talking about it in every single conversation can be quite tiring. it still bothers me to no end how society expects it of you, like you've failed if you end up unmarried (especially for women, how unmarried = spinster = sad, lonely, forgettable woman). i don't like these expectations because people, for the most part, want to be in love with the person they marry and frankly, i think love is very hard to come by/cultivate with someone. i've been in love twice and i do wonder sometimes if i'll ever be lucky enough to experience it again.

babies: for some reason my ovaries aren't bursting every time i see a baby, whether on tv or on the laps of friends/new mothers. i think it's just the stage i'm at, as i'm still in school and the stage of motherhood, let alone being a certified pharmacist, seems light years away.

i guess what i'm trying to say is that i feel like i'm entering a "second puberty". have i talked about this in a previous blog post before? i think so. it's like when you first got your period and first started junior high; you felt different, your friends changed, your environment changed and you didn't like it. you knew it was inevitable but there was definitely an adjustment period. i think i'm going through the same thing only instead of adjusting to periods and junior high it's now adjusting to friends growing up, getting married and having families.

conclusion? being an adult is over-rated. :o)

definitive proof...

2007-08-01T02:43:00.000+01:00

...that women will never understand men and men will never understand women.

i went to see the simpsons movie on friday. it was so good! full of what felt like the best of the best simpsons jokes. i won't say much more than that because i don't want to give anything away but yeah, i enjoyed it very much.

the movie theatre was a couple of blocks away from my friend's party, the one that office boy was attending. she called me that afternoon before i went to the movies and we had a good chat; basically we agreed to hell with office boy and his insecurities; she said to come over to her place after the movie.

when i arrived i could see him in my peripheral vision but delibrately chose to acknowledge his presence only at the last possible moment. he comes up to me and gives me a hug and i'm thinking "what the fuck? don't touch me you bastard!" he was his usual arrogant, hypocritical and snarky self, chatting to me and making jokes like he wasn't revolted at seeing me at this party, the way he was just a few days earlier.

i only stayed for about an hour as i was meeting up with my sister; when i left and was walking past him, on my way out the door do you know what he does? he takes my hand and holds it for a moment before letting go. what the FUCK? what the hell is he playing at? i don't get it, i just don't get it. anyhoo, when he did that i didn't look at him and just kept on walking until he let go.

that's enough about him, ugh. time for bed.

CET :o)

khota

2007-07-27T12:41:00.000+01:00

Dear Office Boy,

You are a dickless wonder. Yes, you.

We slept together on two separate occasions over the span of a week, almost a year ago, and you feel the need to act like this?

I will not be attending our mutual friend's party as a favour to her; she is the hostess and I do not want to add worry and discomfort to her other duties, however fun it would have been to see you squirm.

Whatever it was that I found attractive about you back then clearly does not exist.

I know they say you should never burn your bridges, but consider this one burnt to the ground beyond recognition.

Adios.

Yours very sincerely,

CET

NOTE: no i did not send this to him, however much i would have liked to; he wouldn't have understood anyway. i did however remove him from my facebook friends list, and that feels oh so good! :o)

what the fuck?

2007-07-26T17:03:00.000+01:00

it's my lunch hour at the moment but instead of feeding my rumbling belly i am blogging because i am just slightly upset.

so i was suppose to go to a friend's housewarming tomorrow and i knew that office boy was going to be there. no big deal as it's SO in the past and he has a girlfriend anyway and i'd like to think we're both adults but i guess he proved me wrong. i spoke to my friend today and apparently when she mentioned i would be at the party he got all "weirded out" and basically made it obvious that he was not comfortable with me being there. WHAT THE FUCK IS UP WITH THAT? how old are we office boy, TWO?

i know you might think "well, what about your friend, she should've told him to suck it up as you're her friend as well". i forgive her because it's not so much about choosing which friend's side but more of "i don't want there to be an uncomfortable atmosphere in the room". besides, i kind of did that to her once so i suppose we are now even. there's karma for you, eh?

i just can't help shaking my head and laughing at this whole debaucle. i honestly wonder what's going through his head and why after all this time he is acting the way he's acting. he has a girlfriend, for christ's sake! oh yeah, they got back together after he shattered her ice-cold heart. whatever.

does he still think i like him? do boys think girls, once they admit their crush, will always like them - will like the boy to the end of the girl's daying days? i mean, for real? he is so full of himself if he thinks i still want him. my god, if anything now he just makes me want to puke. oh, and punch him in his stupid-ass face.

ah, feel a bit better now. off to forage for some food.

CET :o/