anger

just thought i'd expunge this here so i can get on with painting my toenails.

remember how ex-T didn't tell me about his engagement, leaving the dirty work to friends?

so my phone rang just a little while ago; i check the caller ID and it's ex-T. i wasn't expecting to hear from him for - oh i don't know, ever - so i hesitated for a few rings before answering it. he heard from a mutual friend that i was leaving town for good soon and so wanted to say one last hello and wish me all the best. throughout the exchange of niceties i kept debating whether or not to call him out on his cowardliness; on one hand "let sleeping dogs lie" and all that, but on the other i thought "fuck, why should i hang up without saying anything?" so nearing the end of the conversation i say "isn't there something you're forgetting?" to which he immediately replied "oh, that i'm engaged?" um yeah DUH, that you're engaged and forgot to tell me. at first he claims that he already told me, or at least he thought so, then he says he forgot, as he had to tell so many people that he must've forgotten to tell me. right.

i told him that it wasn't all that nice having to hear news like that from mutual friends (quite shit, frankly) when it's something that he should have told me himself. he then goes on - and this confirms for me YET AGAIN, why breaking up with him was the right thing to do - to imply that he's the VICTIM, that he's the victim of my horrible accusations. sigh. once a coward, always a coward.

even if it was true, that he sincerely thought he told me and that if he didn't it was an oversight, what a shitty thing to do to someone who was your first girlfriend (he's engaged to his second) for three years and the first person you ever loved and deeply at that?

i got off the phone with him and my hands were shaking. i hate how after all these years he can still affect me like that.

this particular boy sucks the chunk monkey SO large right now.

CET

solstice and all that

hey party people!

less than a month since my last post and so much (yet so little) has happened:

degree done: i finished my last set of exams for my pharmacy degree!!! WOOHOO!!! words cannot describe the utter joy that i felt when i walked out of the exam hall. all of us fourth years gathered on the steps outside the school and whooped it up; well okay it was only me jumping up and down and doing the jig - c'mon you brits, show a little emotion! - but regardless, a HUGE sense of relief washed over us and it was a good feeling.

the hook up that didn't happen: i'm apparently quite the seductress when i put my mind to it! don't really want to go into the details but i basically seduced my way into a classmate's bed, only to stop before things REALLY got started. i fully admit to being the temptress but when it came down to it i actually used my head instead of my loins, which does happen very often! i'm good friends with this guy and i just didn't want it to get weird or awkward (which i knew it would because it inevitably does), plus i wasn't all that attracted to him in the first place! it was more a "he was there, we were alone, why not?" type of deal. not worth the momentary pleasure, i thought. i can see us being good friends for a long while and so put the brakes on it before it went too far. yay me for abstaining for once! :oD

and then today i read this article in the guardian. food for thought...

the studying continues: instead of whooping it up, travelling a bit and having an all round good time in london before heading home, i'm stuck at my desk studying for a big exam back in canada at the beginning of july. it's an evaluating exam that all foreign-trained pharmacists/pharmacy students have to take (and pass) before writing the actual licensing exam. so no relaxation for me just yet. :o(

well, that's not true, i am heading to barcelona for a total of 48 hours this week, to meet up with my classmates who have been travelling through portugal and spain while i've been at home revising. they're ending their trip in barcelona and although i couldn't do the full trip with them, i can sure as hell do the last two days!

i'm leaving london for good on july 3rd. no more flying back and forth anymore - this is it! well, i'll be back for convocation in november but you know what i mean; it's the end of quite a significant chapter in my life. i think i've posted about this already but yes, i am ready to move on. i'm ready to be in one place for longer than six months; i'm (very) ready to move on with establishing my career. onward and upward for this pharmacist-in-training!

i'm sure i could speak more on my feelings about leaving but there's no time for introspection now; let me just get through this evaluating exam in one piece and then i'll be as introspective as you want.

happy summer solstice!

back to studying,
CET :o)