the internet guy that i'm suppose to meet up with just called and i didn't answer my phone! he left a message earlier asking me out for drinks this friday...i texted him (yes, i copped out) and said how about coffee instead, as
a) if the bar is loud and noisy (which it tends to be on a friday night) we won't really get to know each other, other than knowing what our voices sound like screaming at the top of our lungs;
b) drinks on a friday night might lead to dinner and a looonnnggg evening...not that that's a bad thing, but what if drinks aren't going well, you're not very well going to say "okay, thanks for the drink, i'm going to go home now" on a friday night!
c) drinks = more drinks = intoxication = perhaps liking the person because you are drunk and he is drunk = leading to things which normally would not happen = you get where i'm going with this??? i want to get to know someone while sober, then i'll know for sure whether or not i am attracted to them based on our interaction, not based on the amount of alcohol consumed.
can i just say how absolutely INEXPERIENCED i am??? i've had relationships before, but it was always the "friends first, then lovers" thing. this whole 'casual dating' business is completely foreign and new to me. i need advice people! and quickly! friday is approachin'...
CET
p.s. chatted tonight with another potential suitor...french-canadian, living in london, habs fan. i felt much more of a rapport with him than with the first guy. frenchie's on holiday abroad til next week, after which we're suppose to meet for a pint. i feel much more comfortable with the thought of having alcohol with him than with the first guy for some reason...
UPDATE: okay, i'm not a wimp! i plucked up the courage to call him back (lying of course, saying i was on the tube on the way home from dinner with friends when he called) and we arranged a time and place to meet. ADVICE URGENTLY NEEDED!!!
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13 comments:
Oh my god, I have the day off tomorrow, I'll totally call you!
By the way, this internet dating thing is totally creeping me out. I think I'm going to chuck my profile.
Eeek!
helen's rules:
rule #1: don't go go out at night with them on weekend nights. plan to meet up for daytime weekend dates or weeknight dates instead (too late for you though :))
#2: alcohol is a good date cuz you'll probably have fun no matter what. it also helps to ease any nerves & inhibitions (making you possibly act unlike your fabulous & witty self) from both parties. just don't get trashed (like i have in the past.. haha). if you are having fun, you can order more drinks but if not, you can have the one and say you need to go (just make sure they don't order another one before you stop the date or you might be stuck for awhile). it's also nice and casual which is good for a first date.
#3: okay fine, coffee is okay for a first date too, i guess. :)
#4: make all your blind dates by MSN or email only (using an email account without your full name), just in case you dislike the guy. would you want a guy you dislike to have your #? also, he might be psycho so it's best he doesn't have your info until you've at least met. (also, i just hate talking to people i don't know on the phone)
#5: always meet in a public place. tell a friend where you are going. be safe!
i probably have more but i can't think of them right now.
have fun!
Yes alcohol is a good thing but only if it doesn't exceed your limit. How else do you think me and Timmy got together? We were nervous as hell because we'd been friends for 3 years and we didn't know how to take the friendship to the next level.
If you feel more comfortable with the second guy, maybe your intuition's trying to tell you something....
OK CET - I need to call you. Given my online dating experience - I would say that DRINKING is essential. But never arrange dinner. A coffee is always going to be awkward. Just don't get hammered, think they are more fun than they really are, and then go home with them. Thats my trick.
Canuckian - how come your twin could get you to go online but I never could?
xx K
Kiwigirl, I wanted to read CET's profile but I had to sign up to do it so I did. I'm still weirded out by it though and am thinking of chucking the whole thing. Gotten a few smiles and some guy e-mailed me, but I don't know if I want to reciprocate. E-mail me and we'll talk.
CET, I'll try and catch you tonight. Next time, create a new e-mail account that doesn't include your name and use that instead. And maybe chat online and arrange to meet first so that you can avoid the awkward first phone call? I'm only guessing, Kiwigirl and miss ruckus are pros.
Wow.. girls are hella paranoid when it comes to dating.
Rules.. must do's.. HHAHAHAH!
Those online dating things are so weak. They're like just a bunch of horny guys checking out girls. Half of the time, since you're asian. Its the yellow fever thing .. ugh.. I'm so disappointed in people sometimes.
But uh.. Good luck. With that.
jason: girls are paranoid about dating? what about guys? don't tell me you've been as cool as a cucumber everytime you've gone out on a date with a girl. as if! if we girls are paranoid, a part of it has to do with maintaining personal safety - you just never know what kind of freak you'll get! guys don't have to worry about that type of stuff.
as for online dating in general, sure, it's not my first choice, but i think the online forum is now just as socially accepted as say a bar or a book club; if you want to be proactive about dating people, then you should at least pluck up the courage and try all possible venues, no?
i do agree with the whole 'i'm asian/yellow fever' thing, but i like to think/hope that this yellow fever doesn't apply to every guy out there, or at least the ones that i've been in contact with! besides, i think my yellow fever radar is pretty good at picking up these type of guys, so if i sense any sort of feverish tendencies i will be the first to shut the operation down!
don't knock it til you've tried it jason!
CET
I'm proud of you for losing your online dating virginity! Once you do it the first time it's easier after that...I'm sure you'll become a seasoned pro like miss ruckus in no time! Have fun!
damn, i just wrote something and then lost it! :(
everyone who knocks it ends up trying it out (how else do you think i ended up doing it?)..
my sis met her last and current bf via online personals. her current bf is a really cute and nice filipino guy.
a tip for CET: you can usually tell within the first 2 seconds if they are attracted to you or not during your first meeting - it's in the eyes! it's a nice self-confidence booster and you end up being really good at casual dating. first dates never phase me anymore.
anyway, enjoy it! it can be a lot of fun. i had fun when i first tried it out but then eventually got bored (plus, i never met anyone i felt chemistry and it working out with) so now i'm just enjoying meeting people in real life while it lasts. once it stops lasting, i'll probably end up crawling back to the online world.
oh, that should say
it's a nice self-confidence booster and you end up BECOMING really good at casual dating.
Well I didn't mean to discourage you.
I guess my first date was crazy crazy. Like butterflies in my stomach. We ended up together for like a year or so. So that was nice.
But yeah. You're all right. Dating can be fun. I just don't think you should be too nervous. I tend to think of dates (now) as just going out to get some food or drink.
From a guys point of view it's like the "wutsup" head flick thing.
yeah, i don't feel all that nervous anymore, i think it was just the initial freak-out phase, though i'm sure when i'm at the station waiting for him i'll have those butterflies too...
i will let you all know how it goes! wish me luck!
CET
...what did I miss?
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