one down...

...and one to go!

had my first exam today. i did the best that i could and that's that. am so glad that's over with! no more microbiology, woohoo!

am slightly drunk on a fine red wine at the moment...i was so giddy that i got through the first of two brutal exams that i couldn't wait to drown myself in red wine...mmm, wine...

watched "what women want", you know that film with mel gibson and helen hunt? ugh. i've seen that movie already but it's one of those things where it's on tv and you can't be bothered to change the channel...anyway...god, do i have a problem with it or what?!? like women even think of half of the crap that they think of in the film...i was telling my flatmate (male) that women only think of these things when actively psychoanalyzing a particular situation, geez...it's not like we think of men all the bloody time. and i think as a guy it would be an excellent skill to have, knowing what women want - no games, no bullshit just everything straight up - men always complain about not being able to read a woman's mind so now here's their chance! i would love to be able to read a man's mind, even for just one day...i'm sure there wouldn't be much there that i didn't already know (hahahahahahahaha)...sex, sex, and more sex, yadda yadda yadda...whatever, anyhoo, that was a crap film but i still watched it nonetheless, in my wine-induced haze...

now "weird science " is on, god i love john hughes...

gonna take my last gulp of the red wine, mmm...

CET :o)

just a quick note...

it's the day before "Exam D-Day #1" so i'll have to keep this short (something about having to revise); just wanted to point out to you all a new link under "Blogs I Like" - a hearty welcome to Random Pinkness! she's a student in aberdeen, scotland and i think it's fair to say we've become mutual fans of each other's blogs. in the grand scheme of the blogsphere my blog isn't either well-read or well-known but that's besides the point; i know there's a blogger community out there that i have yet to really explore and with ms. pinkness i think i'm starting to. so welcome RP and to my readers out there, check her out!

CET :o)

coming down to the wire

four days until my first exam, it's getting close...i just want these horrid things over with! i will be happily viewing the world through beer goggles on friday afternoon, shaking my booty to cheesy music like i've never shaken it before. oh yes, mark my words.

the last time i took a walk i made sure i took a picture of the roof of this house:



how cool is that? not something you see everyday. i wonder what possessed the owner to build that?

here's another picture of my current hood though it was taken a while back, late last year:



i love the sky in that picture.

i was so bad today, i was surfing the net reading all my usual blogs when i came across a jewellery website (based in australia) and ended up buying a necklace! it was on sale and will be in my grubby little paws in seven days' time. i think it's beautiful, and will post a pic of me wearing it when it arrives! talk about procrastination costing you.

okay, back to revision! i am such an exciting girl on an early saturday night.

CET :o)

yep, angry phase kicking in

i had a good long telephone catch-up with my friend nunuk tonight (he was in france visiting his luv-ah); i gave him an update on youngin' and upon talking about it with nunuk i realized something, which was enforced when i went back and read all my posts on him:

it was all youngin's fault.

i gave him the benefit of the doubt FAR too many times. i was there for him, empathized with him and took his side when he totally didn't deserve it! if it wasn't one issue with youngin' it was another. first it was him, then it was his family, next it was outstanding issues with his ex; god, and every time i sympathized, like he was the victim in all of these problems when really he orchestrated it (or pretty much most of it). i didn't want him to hurt so i let myself get hurt instead. what a fool i was! argh!

in a strange sort of way he reminds me of my very first boyfriend oh so many years ago, in my last year of high school; a moody, miserable git that blamed his parents and the whole world for his misery. only difference is youngin' wasn't by any means as moody as first bf was, plus he's a helluva lot more good-looking than first bf (a girl's gotta move up, not down!). :o)

though it's useless saying this now i should've known better with youngin' than to start something with him; his middle name is the same name as first bf - that should've been the tip-off.

CET :o)

diabolical writing

another day of revision comes and goes...left the flat today for a late lunch in the village, followed by a snail's pace stroll back to the flat. then more revision. then dinner. then revision. lather. rinse. repeat. lather. rinse. repeat.

back home over christmas i saw the movie "juno" and i loved it! paulie bleecker IS boss. and canadian too (the oh-so-sweet-you-want-to-pinch-his-cheeks michael cera). i didn't realize until today that it was written by a blogger, diablo cody to be exact. she seems like one pretty cool chick. i like her. here's her myspace link.

and finally, i stole this from diablo cody's blog but heck, it's from youtube. in regards to youngin' i think i'm feeling a little like angela chase at the moment, though perhaps with a little less teenage angst:



CET :o)

a desk instead of a ball

exam time is here and CET is deep in revision, that is when she's not checking e-mails every two seconds, checking facebook every two seconds, browsing her itunes every two seconds, going to the kitchen for a snack every two seconds, and generally procrastinating every two seconds, she is getting her work done. :o)

still actually quite bummed out about youngin'...the same questions that will never be answered keep swimming in my head; i think about what he's up to, whether he thinks about me and if so what he thinks...i want him to think about me and regret not taking a chance with me. i want him to miss me. and i wonder what's worse - not seeing him these next couple of weeks but thinking about him, or seeing him everyday at school and thinking about him - i just want him out of my head already. if i could just remove that part of my hypothalamus in charge of emotions from my brain, place it in a box on my desk, keep it there for the duration of exams and then place it back into my brain afterwards, i'd be fine. that's what i need, a hypothalamic lobotamy.

i left the flat for a walk yesterday afternoon, after not leaving for three days in a row (yes people, i am literally chained to my desk); i had to get out to remind myself what fresh air smelled like (in london it smells pretty much like pollution) and to stretch my muscles before they atrophied. i walked to the nearby village and came across a pile of tulips on sale...i ended up buying tulips in the same colours as the ones i bought last year, when living in whitechapel with vij. deep purple, bright fuschia and pale pink.

oh, and i popped by the coffee shop on wednesday and chatted briefly with coffee shop hottie; still as cute as ever and still with the same brown eyes that i could happily swim in. i daydreamed today that he came into the bar where i work and promptly chatted me up!

i miss vij. i miss my american classmate too (she's finishing her degree in the states). i miss having another fun, brilliant, slightly crazy single girl to hash the gossip with, to hit the town with and paint it red. anyone know where i can meet one?

right, back to studying.

CET

hope and redemption

took an (extended) break from studying tonight to watch "shawshank redemption" - i have always caught bits and bobs of it but have never seen it from start to finish - and it's beautiful. slow, understated but resonant with feeling. and morgan freeman? i love him. one day when i'm old i want the wrinkles on my face to be as deeply etched as his, each one telling a story.

in other news, i've realized i am quite annoyed with facebook and reading the current status updates of my friends. i mean, it's a well-known fact that facebook is a great stalking tool - you KNOW i'm not talking scary stalking, more like creepin' on your latest crush, that's all - and don't TELL me you haven't at least once looked up a past love, a current lover, or a long-time crush; what i don't like are the updates that suggest something about how the person's feeling or what they're doing, like they want the whole world to know but they don't say it outright - it leaves you guessing as to what they mean. shit like "(insert name) is up against the naughty wall." huh? do i even want to know? i DON'T want to know and yet now i sort of know and my mind's going in a thousand different directions! ARGH!

lesson learnt: do not read friends' status updates; disable function that allows them to pop up on the news feed and along the side bar. and don't blog when you think you're going to end up sounding slightly crazy. make that extremely crazy.

CET :o)

penile discussion

through The Girl's blog i found this new one from the male (or, three males) perspective, called Todger Talk. it's funny, witty and a great forum where men can talk honestly and openly about sex and relationships.

there was a particular post today on todger talk that i felt like was written just for me, given my recent experience with youngin'. click on the link and let me know what you think! i definitely do agree with the statment though that "in most people's minds masculine man = male chauvinist pig" when this doesn't have to be the case!

guys: you can be masculine without being an asshole.

CET :o)

signs

someone who works for the city of london needs to learn how to spell:



so true:



recycling is the devil's work:



just all in a day in londontown.

CET :o)

knots

i've been back in london since last thursday and jet lag is still kicking my butt. woke up around 2:30 this morning and had a hell of a time trying to fall back asleep.

it's gone past 10pm now and given my state of consciousness (or lack thereof), i don't think any studying will get done tonight. i still seem to have half a mind to blog though. :o)

i have that feeling where you need to be out of your own skin, if only for a little while. restless, itchy, wanting to scream and run around but not being able to. melancholy over youngin', stressed about pending exams...my mind and my body can't seem to settle.

i want to punch youngin' and hug him at the same time.

i was talking to a friend today and she said my problem is that i tell the guys i date too soon that it's not my intention to stay in england after i'm done my degree (it never was, it never will be). she says because it's established that i'm not going to live here permanently, it gives them the mindset that this will only be casual and that they don't have to invest their feelings in me, hence they will have fun with me for the time i'm here, but then as soon as i go back home to toronto, whether for christmas or for the summer, by the time i return they have already started dating someone else. depending on the guy they will either have told me right away (i.e. french canadian, youngin'), not at all (office boy), or only after i drag it out of them because they're too chicken shit to tell me of their own accord (i.e. londoner).

do you think this is the case? what's the point of postponing the truth, of telling them later rather than sooner that i won't be in london forever? get them in deep and then spring it on them? i don't think that's fair to the guy at all.

there's definitely a pattern to my dating but are they all connected or have i just been unlucky enough for it to happen to me four consecutive times?

my sister canuckian complained that i've been posting about boys too much lately, but i don't think i can help it. school and boys (well, a particular boy) have pretty much occupied my mind and my time since october. and do people want to read my whinging and whining about school, or about boys? :o)

i continue to have thoughts and observations about living in london and will try to write about them when i can, but at the moment everything seems hazy and grey and it's not just the bad english weather.

CET :o(

no more

no more "benefits" with youngin. that's it. i'm done.

we had a talk last night and we decided (due to our respective reasons) that our friendship is more important than the benefits, and that continuing the benefits will only hurt (me mostly, of course). i told him how much he has hurt me and he feels like shit and i'm glad, because he deserves it. At least for a little while.

he asked for my forgiveness but i said that will have to come with time.

i've also noticed a pattern in the men that i've dated and/or slept with in the last two years and i don't like it; while i don't ever want the fear of getting hurt to stop me from meeting people/starting a relationship with them, i seriously need a break from all this bullshit, and will perhaps be more discerning with who i will allow in my heart next.

in other news, i have an endocrinology test on my first day back at school next monday, as well as a pharmacy practice assessment graded by the royal pharmaceutical society of great britain on friday. i have to pass in order to enter my fourth year. oh joy!

wish me luck people,
CET :o)

a bit of my everyday

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

i want to start off the new year with the picture below - i pass by it everyday while on the train to charing cross. two little words but it brightens my day and reminds me to have strength. i hope looking at this will help you find your courage too!



all the best in 2008! i wish nothing but joy and success (in its many forms) for everyone.

CET :o)