"rosie cotton...she had ribbons in her hair..."

"lord of the rings III: the return of the king" was on tv saturday night. for the last third of the movie i was in different stages of weepiness, from welly eyes to full-fledged tears. laugh all you want but it still gets to me, especially the bond shared between sam and frodo. bollocks to all those people making fun of their "homosexual" relationship - homosexual or not those two loved and helped each other through hell! the fires of fucking MORDOR, people, MORDOR!

current tally of rejections from hospitals: 3

current tally of offers from hospitals: 0

current tally of hospitals i'm still waiting to hear from: 2

current tally of flats found and rented: 0

current tally of words written in lit review: 1290

current tally of minimum words left to write: 3710

GO CET GO!

CET :o)

satan's spawn and other creatures

hello!

i should be writing my lit review right about now, but instead i will take this time to jot down a few things here.

to quote a friend's facebook status, "i am a pro at this crastination thing."

Satan's Spawn:

this past weekend was spent looking after a friend's brother's dog. let's call him "satan's spawn": a 2 year old yorkshire terrier who's tries to bite your face off when he's not pestering you for cuddles. freakin' weirdo dog.

a part of me feels for him because he's pretty much stuck at home all day and hardly gets taken out for walks; because of this, he doesn't interact with other people and other dogs, aside from his two owners. he also isn't disciplined very well, so this adds up to a dog that freaks out whenever he meets someone new.

friday and saturday were spent with him basically hiding from me when he wasn't all up in my grill trying to rip it off with his tiny teeth. i gave him his food and tried to play with him but he wasn't having any of it. fine, i say, then leave me alone to my writing and procrastination. by saturday afternoon he was coming around a bit; he finally allowed me to put the leash on him and take him for a walk. god knows i needed it as much as he did, after being stuck in front of a computer all day. i think that was our "breakthrough" because afterwards he was pretty much putty in my hands for the rest of the weekend. am i london's version of the "dog whisperer?" perhaps. :o)

i even taught him how to sit and stay! pretty good for someone he wanted to kill just a few days earlier.

anyhoo, chili dog he ain't but it was nice to have a pet for the weekend, plus it was a paying gig that also came with a surpise bottle of latour and a box of chocolates! bonus.

This Thing I Call My Future:

so i've hinted here and there about going to interviews and such...basically i've decided to give licensing as a pharmacist in the UK a shot, before returning home to get licensed in canada. the way things are going though, i don't think the UK wants me to practice pharmacy here!

i'm of two minds on this subject; when i first came over to do my degree i was adamant that i would return home as soon as i finished. it was never my intention to come to england to study pharmacy in the first place but i suppose the fates conspired to bring me here; if i haven't detailed the full story in a previous post (i don't remember if i have or not) then i won't get into it now. suffice it to say that i wanted to return home after this degree PRONTO.

don't get me wrong, i have LOVED my time here in london and wouldn't trade it for the world - i don't regret a second of it - but after moving here, there and everywhere since the age of 18 i think i am ready stay in one place for a while, and that place is canada. anyhoo...

studying here has provided me with an opportunity to get licensed here; if i get offered a great hospital training placement i would be hard-pressed to turn it down. i applied to four hospitals in london and the general NHS training scheme in scotland; here's my current status:

NHS scotland: had the interview, am waiting for their decision to come in the post;
london, hospital #1: turned me down without even granting me an interview;
london, hospital #2: had an interview and they turned me down;
london, hospital #3: had an interview, still don't know their decision;
london, hospital #4: haven't heard anything from them yet.

so my odds look pretty grim. i want to start my career in hospital so am not applying to any community pharmacies; if i stayed in the UK for another year or two it would be for hospital only. i would rather go home and get licensed in canada than spend a year plus in a community pharmacy in the UK.

if i don't get anything here i won't be too disappointed, as that would mean i would be going home! i had nothing to lose by trying and everything to gain so i thought "why not?" and decided to give it the good ol' college try.

i did get feedback from one of the interviewers; she said i babbled on too much (which i knew i did) and that some of my answers to her questions were a bit weak, which showed that i didn't do enough research about the placement itself. hey, the criticism was constructive and appreciated. they interviewed over 150 students for 2 to 9 places so she said if you didn't perform well on the interview day your chances were pretty much slim to none, if they weren't already. i can live with that.

anyhoo, i'll keep you posted on what happens with the other places i still haven't heard from. i have a feeling i won't get anything but we'll see.

okay, okay, back to the lit review.

CET :o)

kindness

a longtime reader of my blog surprised me in the most touching way: she gave me a bunch of flowers to brighten my mood, after reading my last post!

i've never met her though we have had a few exchanges through email. she knows my real name and left the flowers under such name at a location specified in an email.

this random act of kindness has touched me profoundly; to reach out to someone you don't know, to lift their spirits with a simple gesture, is so poignant given the times we live in.

i am going to do my best to pay it forward.

thank you so much, for more than just the flowers. for reaching out.

CET :o)

loose screw

wow. i think i'm a cliche. i just spent the evening watching old "sex and the city" episodes while eating leftover curry. i think the cliche involves eating ice cream but bah, close enough.

how the heck do you put the accent agu on top of the e in "cliche"? where is the button for that???

it's times like now that i think i should just finish my last year here and go home. fact is that while london is cool and exciting and just full of so much stuff to do, i don't feel like anyone here cares for me. no, i'm not being self-pitying, i'm pretty sure it's a fact. i've been here for a week and a half and i've barely seen anyone. everyone's too busy - everyone's always too busy - i don't think anyone would notice whether i lived in london or not!

no wait, there is one person who's happy to see me back: my friend gabby. love her to bits. she's preggers, working full-time and doing her masters of finance in the evenings. she is also the most beautiful woman i know. seriously. fucking knockout with a heart of gold. i wish i could see her right now.

okay, okay, i'm going to slap myself now. as cher said in a movie once, "SNAP OUT OF IT!"

rant over. must suck it up and move on. if progress was made in the lit review i have to write i would probably be feeling better right now.

oh no wait, rant not over. I HATE FACEBOOK. i hate it for telling me youngin' is now in a relationship. i hate it for the fact that i can click on his new girlfriend's profile and see what she looks like. i hate it for the fact that he's been tagged in a photo with his arm around her. i hate the fact that i'm still curious about him. i hate the fact that i even liked him! i hate the fact that he's good-looking in that roughian kind of way that just makes me want to jump and ride him everytime i see him! i hate the fact that he still has that effect on me. i hate the fact that i still want to shag him, even when the sex wasn't stellar in the first place! even with his knob being so big! i hate the fact that i know his knob is big!!!

whew. i'm spent. goodnight.

CET

flat hunting

i saw a house tonight and it was lovely - i'd be living with two guys and a girl - i told them i was definitely interested but they still have people viewing the place until friday, and told me they would get back to me with their final decision then.

basically it comes down to who they think will be most compatible to live with.

i feel like a contestant on a dating show - what was that one called? oh yeah, "love connection" - i'm viewing their house but really they are viewing me, inspecting me with a critical eye wondering "will she be a suitable housemate?"

i really like the house and even texted them afterwards, making a joke about swaying their decision with my mean pot of chili and the fact that i like watching the footie...do you think i just pissed away a chance at the house because i might come across as a stalker housemate wannabe? just from one text message joke? i hope not! :oS

i don't like feeling like i'm being judged. i bet you with two guys in the house they'll probably go for the hottest chick that viewed the place. not that i'm not hot (i have my moments of hotness!) but you know, it'll probably be some tall, leggy blonde.

hmpf.

CET

class with a capital "C"

i thought i'd post since it looks like no work is going to get done tonight; i had full intentions of starting my literature review (as part of my research project) in earnest tonight, but got caught up watching "the fellowship of the rings" on tv as well as a bio on girl with a one track mind. if i'm not going to be productive work-wise i might as well be productive blog-wise!

LOTR: have i ever written on this blog how much i love "the lord of the rings"? my university boyfriend first turned me onto the books; i remember borrowing "the hobbit" from the library, devouring the words and falling head-first into middle earth with abandon. I LOVED IT. the LOTR trilogy followed shortly after along with "the silmarillon" and tolkien's "unfinished tales". you know you're obsessed when you read "the silmarillion" - seriously, it's the history of middle earth before any of the events of LOTR take place - i even read the APPENDICES where tolkien explains the different elvish dialects - yes people, i was obsessed. fast forward to when the films came out; i followed the making of the film online, bought the special edition of each film (the editions that came with the models of the pillars of argonath, gollum and minas tirith), and even tried to hunt down the action figures they sold at burger king, hoping to collect them all!

wow. that's pretty scary, isn't it? i hope i haven't lost any readers. HA! :o)

you know, i still get teary-eyed when gandalf falls in the mines of moria, and when sam finds frodo trying to slip away alone at the end of the film. yep, that's me.

so much to update you on and here i am blogging about LOTR!

well needless to say i'm in london now; this week was a flurry of activity. a day after arriving i was back on the road on my way to glasgow, for an interview with the NHS (another post about all that later). i get back to londontown on thursday night, view a flat to possibly rent (i am staying at a friend's while trying to find a place), followed by a few hours' of sleep before T&A's wedding. today's the first day where i feel like i can breathe.

T&A's wedding was so freakin' lovely! class and style all the way, as only A would have it. he wore a CRAVAT for christ's sake - heck, their wedding "carriage" was a rolls royce! damn. and T was so freakin' beautiful it was absolutely ridiculous - gorgeousness and smiles the whole day long.

A and i have always had this running joke where he's the snobby, upper class corporate yuppie all about the "finer things in life" (like travelling first class, or at the very least business class) while i'm the leftist, bleeding heart liberal commoner who schleps it in economy. what i thought was ironically hilarious was a number of events during their wedding day that proves just what a classy girl i am:

- saying things like "for christ's sake" and "jesus christ!" in the ROMAN CATHOLIC church where they got married;

- giggling during the ceremony, when a baby next to me was getting burped after feeding and promptly upchucked the recently-ingested milk all over the stone floor;

- chasing the waiters carrying the trays of hor d'oeuvres because CET is HUNGRY AND NEEDS TO EAT (might i just add i had a partner in crime who was equally as hungry);

- taking the bride's fruity champagne glass off the tray for myself, only to be told to put it back because it wasn't meant for me (hey, how was i to know? it was free booze on a tray in front of my face! what do you expect a girl to do?);

- digging into my lamb dinner only to spray gravy all over myself, the table cloth and the two ladies sitting immediately to my right.

ahhh, it's always class and style with CET, isn't it?

i will have you know that i am, hands down, THE DANCING QUEEN. the music started after dinner and CET did not leave that dance floor except to get drinks or go to the loo; i was breakin' it down until the last bloody song. good times indeed.

anyhoo, ending this post here. these next few weeks are going to be hellish as i have two more interviews, the continuing agony that i call writing my lit review, and the never-ending search for a place to call home.

here's a pic of the lovely rolls:



sweetness.

CET :o)

let's fly away

i should be sleeping right now as my flight back to london is in less than eight hours.

i've been away from london for so long that it feels like i'm starting over again.

feeling a wee anxious, a bit sad - a post about how friends disappoint will be forthcoming - but at the same time excited and ready to move on to the next chapter of my life. it's my fourth year! my last year of school! so much to say about that.

okay, okay, must get some shut-eye. next time i blog i'll be back in blighty.

kisses,
CET :o)

articulated better than i ever could

from glamourpuss:

disquieting disquisition

CET

the way in which we die

hello!

note to self: must stop spending all this time on the computer only to turn it off without blogging a single thing. must write on blog first before getting side-tracked by all the great blogs out there, or else this blog will suffer (it already has). okay, here we go...

so my summer job at the hospital finished last week; it was there one day that i saw a dead body. the department where i work is located in the basement. i half-realized the morgue was down there too (i mean, that is where they usually put it), but i never really gave it much thought.

i was walking down the hall to the women's washroom (loo/toilet/restroom, whatever!); at the end of the hall is another hall perpendicular to the first, forming a t-junction of sorts. i had just about reached the door to the loo when right in front of me, at the t-junction, a lady and a man dressed in suits (from the funeral home i was later told) walked by with a gurney carrying its deceased load, underneath a wine-coloured blanket. i must say, the last thing you'd expect to see while on the way to the loo is a dead body but there you go; my heart leaped a little into my throat and i froze for a second, which was all it took for the gurney to whizz by past me.

this job (and this particular experience) made me think about death and dying, and the years right before you reach the end. death was the palliative care ward, death was the casual mention by my colleagues of "so-and-so" dying in this ward or that; death was going on clinical rounds, meeting patients who were in the active process of dying - patients who were bed-bound, requiring g-tubes and total care, non-responsive and cognitively impaired - basically (in my opinion) being kept alive until the mounting physical problems stopped giving way to solutions.

i had discussions with my colleagues about what they thought of death - did it ever affect them when a patient died? how so? how much? - i also asked them if they ever considered their own end-of-life scenario, and how they would like to be treated when the time came. morbid topic of conversation perhaps, but being exposed to the knife's edge of living vs. dying everyday, one does think of these things. it made me realize that sometimes just because we can sustain life doesn't mean we should - i personally would not want tubes stuck in me for years, with all cognitive capabilities having left me, being a burden not only on my family but on the system as well; i believe in quality of life as well as quality of death, and to me that is not dying with dignity. a lot of it has to do with the family's decision on how to best care for their loved one - i can certainly understand the need to try everything possible to keep the one you love alive - but in the end is it more to satisfy your own feelings, or is it actually about doing what's best for the patient? i have seen both sides of the coin.

anyhoo, i hope this post doesn't get you down and if anything, i hope it gives you some food for thought. i read an article today about scientific research into how to live a long life; there was a quote which read "the goal is to live to 90 or 95 and then die in your sleep." compared to what i've seen this summer, that option sounds pretty good.

CET