wee man

my landlord's three-year old son was crying tonight; long story short but on tuesday nights there's about an hour in the evening when my landlord's out and his ex-wife - who comes to put the little one to sleep - leaves after doing so. it was in this window of time that the wee man gets up to find both parents not home. he was sitting on the steps crying and my heart went out to him. poor little guy, feeling all alone. he obviously wasn't going to go back to bed so he sat with me for a while watching CSI with me. okay, maybe i shouldn't expose a three-year old to an autopsy and obvious signs of rigor mortis but it was CSI! anyhoo, i had to study so he slept on my bed while i tried to do some work, waiting for his dad to get home.

i'm sure commentary on the fallout of divorce and parenting is in this post somewhere, but right now it's not for me to make. i just want the little guy to be happy.

Year of the Ox and German biscuits

HAPPY LUNAR NEW YEAR!!! may you all be blessed with health, happiness and wealth. :oD

i'm sat at my desk trying to study today and not getting very far.

i just opened a pack of choco leibniz biscuits and the smell is effin' intoxicating. must devour.



(image courtesy of c ray dancer)

have a great new year's day everyone!

CET :o)

self-realization (not the good kind)

yep, i am that girl. that crazy girl.

youngin' is not dating ex-flattie. it was all in my head. me and my jumping-to-conclusions. me and my own issues.

eek. i'm that girl.

as one of my lecturers pointed out a little while ago (and not in reference to me might i add - it had something to do with something or other that i don't remember now), "(i am) locked in the tragedy of my own story."

gotta get out of that, pronto!

in other news, today marks the start of my study/revision period until exams in the first week of february. wish me luck!

a beautiful moment

watching this made me all emotional and slightly teary. president or not, it's wonderful to see the obamas so clearly in love and enjoying themselves. and beyonce made me even more emotional, seeing her so proud and so touched to be a part of such a special moment.

gawd, i am just full of emotions lately.

a wee announcement...

i'm getting published! no, no, no, not a book deal or anything flash like that - the research i did in early 2008 is getting published in a well-respected scientific journal! and guess who's first author? moi! woohoo!!! needless to say i'm thrilled. it's my first publication, from someone who NEVER thought she'd be published, let alone in a scientific journal.

i spent the afternoon today watching obama's inauguration. i teared up a few times. and aretha's hat! smashing. you go girl.

i feel lucky to have been a witness to history today.

my landlord's three-year old son was watching a bit of it with me; i was trying to explain to him what was happening, in the hopes that he might remember this day too, even if he's only three. :o)

did i tell you i'm a member of my university's spring ball committee? i joined so i could make sure it doesn't suck. seriously. and thank goodness i did. anyhoo, the venue's been booked and it's elegant and fabulous; i am so excited. even better is the fact that i bought my ball gown yesterday - a floor-length, blood red ball gown - for only 38 quid!!! that's like, $75 canadian dollars! bargain! it was left over from the christmas sales and was discounted from 150 to 49 pounds. i got another 25% off at the register and voila, a slammin' dress for 38 quid. i'll post a pic of it on the day of the ball - no sneak peeks until then!

gotta go, gotta eat and do some semblence of work.

CET :oS

unconscious fear rearing its ugly head

you can't control other people's actions, only your own.

only you can control your reaction to other people.

this is what i keep telling myself.

i had a dream on thursday night in which i woke up drenched in sweat, my heart palpitating so hard and so fast that it scared me. oh no, it wasn't a good dream at all.

for those that have been reading this tiny blog since its inception (2005), you may remember that i had a flatmate in first year whose boyfriend was seriously weird and who seriously pissed me off. anyhoo, this is not about him; this is about her. more specifically, it's about the fact that she is friends with youngin' in a way that makes me uncomfortable. very uncomfortable.

i won't get into the details here (it's long and tedious and i would rather not write about this at all, but for the fact that it's bugging the fuck out of me); i will say that both youngin' and ex-flattie, each separately at some point, have told me that they were not interested in nor would date the other person. youngin's reasoning was that he did not want to do anything to hurt me; ex-flattie's reasoning being that she puts friendship above boys. so why don't i trust either of them?

i realized after my dream that my mistrust stems from an incident that happened way back in first year of university in canada, many years ago. i broke up with my high school boyfriend then (he was a miserable jerk, the relationship was long distance, yadda yadda yadda); months later he starts dating a friend of mine. i didn't have a problem with it at first but that was before i saw them together; he treated her with so much care and kindness, more than he ever treated me, that it upset me greatly - i remember leaving the house party in a state of emotional upheaval, and broke off ties with that whole group of friends shortly thereafter.

i feel like youngin' and ex-flattie are repeating history. i'm afraid of getting hurt again.

it would be one thing if i didn't see or hear from either of them; this is the part where DON'T EVER DATE SOMEONE YOU HAVE TO BE PHYSICALLY IN THE SAME BUILDING WITH, EVEN AFTER EVERYTHING GOES TO SHIT comes in. he works at the university where i'm a student; she's a phd student at my university. we all work at the student union bar. great.

how do i deal with this? i certainly know that i may possibly be making a mountain out of a mole hill and absolutely nothing exists between them but then again, i might not. i try not to care and i try to put it out of my mind but the feeling is always there; the bated breath my heart holds, waiting for the proof to jump out at me that leaves me hurting again.

why hello there!

i figured that if i'm sitting in front of the computer reading blogs when i should be working on my papers and projects, i should at least bang out a post on this poor little blog!

i'm sorry blog, i've neglected you for a long time. and my readers! well, the ones i have left anyway. for a while now i've stopped looking at my counter at the bottom because i don't really want to know that no one is reading this anymore. i don't blame them really, seeing as how i've been so shite about blogging. i always seem to find other bloggers articulating SO WELL the stuff i've also been feeling that i'm like "what's the point of repeating it in a less articulate, less witty fashion?" i don't want to add to the absolute crap out there in the blogosphere but then i feel guilty for not posting. dumb thing is i always make mental notes to "blog about this or blog about that" but then i never do it! argh.

and if blogging wasn't enough, what's up with this twitter business? i seriously don't understand the obsession with it. a blog and a facebook profile should be MORE THAN ENOUGH to let the whole world know how you're feeling/what you're thinking every minute of everyday, why bombard them with more status messages? i suppose though that people who follow twitter actually want to follow it so who am i to judge, right? well, i'm judging anyway.

and can i just say that facebook is just TOO MUCH INFORMATION sometimes. "in a relationship" becomes "it's complicated" becomes "in an open relationship" becomes "single", all in the space of a few hours, let alone a few days or even months! i really need to turn that stupid option off on my newsfeed.

so, HAPPY NEW YEAR! i hope everyone had a lovely holiday and spent it eating lots and growing their bums and muffin tops. that's what i did. pictures taken at the beginning of december show CET's well-defined jawline; pictures taken after new year's show that the jawline is now missing and has been replaced with a roll of chin fat. nice. i suppose because of this, losing weight should on my list of new year's resolutions but a) i don't have a list and b) at this point i don't think i need to exercise to lose weight - the sheer stress of deadlines and exams looming alone should cause enough weight to fall off. and i don't think i need to change my diet because a) i'm a student which means b) i'm poor which means c) i don't buy a lot of food which means d) my daily caloric intake will be far less than in the last month which means e) by default i should lose some weight. that's sound logic, no?

before flying home to canada for the holidays, a friend of mine came over to visit and we took a four-day trip to prague together! as this is my last year in london i made a list of places in europe i would like to visit before i fly home for good; prague was at the top of my list. when i lived in london years ago with my sister, canadians needed a visa to get into the czech republic, so we never really exerted the time, money or effort to visit when so many other places could be explored without the hassle of a visa. skip to present day and canadians no longer need a visa to visit, so off i went! i think i picked the best time to go to prague too - right before christmas; this meant christmas markets in all the town squares were in full swing! oh it was so beautiful. if you weren't taking thousands of pictures of the stunning architecture you were drinking in the atmosphere of christmas and of happiness, and stuffing your face with yummy things like trdelniks and hot chocolate that gave you instant orgasms. mmm. here are a few of my favourite pics:



ahhh, my ode to the czech pilsner. cheaper than juice!



the baroque church of st. nicholas, with horses and carriage in the foreground.



walking down from petrin hill; i like to call this pic the "czech montmartre".



looking through into the old jewish cemetery. bodies buried in some places twelve people deep, because jews were not allowed to be buried outside the jewish quarter back in the day.



the "obecni dum" or municipal house, a visual symphony dedicated to art nouveau. LOVED IT. and finally...



a trdelnik! dough wrapped around metal poles rotisseried over an open pit, then coated with sugar and spices. drooooooool. i had one everyday (of course).

i have loads more pictures but my computer's taking bloody forever to upload these things so i will stop here. off to scavenge for food and then it's an early night i think (the jet lag's starting to get to me).

welcome back (hopefully!)

CET :o)