here's a debate for you

i had a recent email debate with an ex of mine (the only ex i still speak to, come to think of it) about whether it's better to withhold the truth in order to avoid conflict, or tell the truth and deal with the consequence, even if the consequence is conflict. he said some people value avoiding conflict over telling the truth, while i say that telling the truth is the right thing to do, as avoiding conflict just makes you chicken shit. what do you think?

and i know my next statement is a GROSS generalization but it is one made based on my own personal experiences these last few years: canadian guys value telling the truth while british guys value avoiding conflict.

my ex (the one i had the debate with) has always been honest and direct in all his dealings with me, when we were together and now as friends; i respected french-canadian guy because he told me straight up that he had started seeing someone who wanted the same things he did (i.e. a relationship), and that he didn't want to jeopardize that by seeing me, as i only wanted something casual. both are canadian.

on the other hand, my british ex (remember "ex-T?") recently avoided telling me that he got engaged, leaving the dirty work to mutual friends. remember londoner? we had a brief fling before i left for canada for the summer, back at the end of second year; he avoided telling me that he had started seeing someone while i was away, and only came out with the truth when i called him on it. and youngin'? oh my god, don't even get me started on him. i won't go into the gory details but suffice it to say that there were SHITLOADS of things that i didn't find out until well after the fact, because he was too afraid/chicken shit to tell me. all of them are british (or english if i have to be specific - don't want to drag the lovely scots, welsh and northern irishmen into the cesspool of deceit if they don't deserve it).

so there you go. why do you think this is so? what are your opinions/conspiracy theories? am i just particularly "lucky" in meeting all these english guys who avoid the truth like the plague? why do they give the truth so little value? maybe i give the truth too high a value. then again, maybe not.

what are your thoughts? your own experiences? any insight is greatly appreciated.

CET :o)

yeah, whatever.

the builder who tried to pick me up yesterday stops me today and says "you know what i said yesterday? well i apologize; i was just trying to be friendly" (yeah, "friendly", right. "friendly" is not asking if i have a husband and then giving me the bedroom eyes). he continues to say that his boss "roughed him up" when he caught wind of what happened - i'm sorry, like i'm suppose to feel bad for you? you're only apologizing to me because you got the verbal bitchslap from your boss. i wanted to tell him that the walls of this house are thin; i heard everything his boss said to him and you know what? he deserved it! take that creepoid!

CET :o)

um no.

one of the builders today tried to pick me up.

he asked if i had a husband. my "what the fuck?" face made him ask "why not? don't you want one?" uh yeah perhaps but he definitely won't be you buddy! then he asked if he could take me out for a drink sometime. i told him no; thanks but no thanks. he insisted so i busted out the "i'm leaving the country soon" and "i'm in the middle of exams" to shut him up.

i find out later from my landlord that he's married.

dickhead.

grecian sun

well i'm finally back in my own house...the bathroom's not 100% finished but at least the shower, toilet and sink are working again. i had such a great time staying with my friend at his flat though, i didn't want to leave! hanging out with him made me miss having a flatmate. don't get me wrong, i like living with my landlord, but it's definitely not the same as living with a friend.

i'm feeling a bit better about things, though i'm still scared about the future. i cleared things up with one of the people who hurt me so that's good; we came to the unanimous decision that he's a big fat idiot and that he's sorry, so i'm moving on. i also got to see "wolverine" this week in theatres; seeing hugh jackman semi or completely naked always brightens my day.

i thought posting some pics of my recent trip to greece would cheer up the few readers of this blog, so here they are:



the parthenon!



there were lots of stray dogs everywhere. here's one lying in the shadow of the parthenon.



canuckian and canuckian's evil twin!



athens was also covered in graffiti; this is a great pic of graffiti found in the gazi area.



mmm, "donuts"...



sunset over the harbour in aegina.



wee baby turtle amongst the ruins of keramikos!



st georgios church on top of lykavittos hill.



best tzatziki i've tried yet.



sunset over athens, viewed from atop lykavittos hill.

ah, to be back in the sunshine again...

CET :o)

wick's end

and so another month flies by.

i don't know if you're aware, but i'm nearing the end of my degree and therefore the end of my time in london; i'll be returning to canada at the beginning of july.

so many thoughts and yet i don't know what to say.

to be honest i am glad that this chapter in my life is ending. don't get me wrong; i love london and have had a wonderful time here these past four years and have met and made such amazing friends. coming here for pharmacy school was the last thing i ever expected to do but now that i've done it (and almost finished) i can say that i've made the most of my time here and have many cherished memories to always remember london by. i have no regrets (save for a few boys perhaps).

i'm almost finished a four year degree and yet it feels like the path to becoming a pharmacist is only just beginning.

i want the cog wheels of my life and career to move forward, and yet i'm afraid of moving forward at the same time.

i sometimes wonder if i have enough brain power and capacity to become a pharmacist! i have enough heart i know that, but my brain seems a little less reliable. these licensing exams are SCARY SHIT!

i wish i wasn't so melancholy today but a shit week will do that to a person.

i've been sick this whole week with a flu of some description (if i had a penny for the number of times i've heard "swine flu"...); my landlord's renovating the bathroom so i've been staying at a friend's place this week. i've also had three assignment deadlines this week, which has meant late night after late night of work, culminating in a marathon session that had me up until 4:30am friday morning finishing an assignment due that afternoon, followed by working at the bar all friday night. i am tired. i am burnt out. and i haven't even reached exams yet.

a couple of people this week have also hurt and disappointed me deeply. why do people have no regard for how i feel? why does selfishness pervade? why is it so hard for people to do what they say and say what they do? why is it so hard to tell the truth? it is all i ask of anyone and yet the truth is something that seems to evade me. it's like a sick joke.

in some small measure i am glad to be leaving london for the simple fact that it takes me far away from these people who have hurt me.

but this isn't meant to be a whingy post. this is just me trying to sort out my heart and my mind so i can take a deep breath for this last push to the end of finals.

goodnight and good luck,

CET