my crush

okay, it's been a week since my last post - A LOT has happened!

my crush: there's a co-worker of mine that i think i am falling very hard for! it pretty much started when i started working at this organization about three weeks ago; i want to describe him on this blog but am slightly afraid to, as he does work with me and even though the chances of him finding this blog are slim to none, i'm not sure if i want to risk it. i will say that he is tall, very cute, has a deep and distinct voice that i can pick up anywhere in our open-concept office, and is a genuinely nice, funny, sweet and lovely person.

the kicker: i am moving to another department on tuesday, as they have hired someone to take over this post permanently (it's been occupied by temp after temp until just recently). i am only moving up two floors to another department in the same company, but i wonder how this will affect my crush and our 'relationship'? we have had lunch on a number of occasions, and i always stop by his cubicle to chat; we do have some laughs and half the time i wonder whether he's nice to me because he's just such a nice guy, or whether it's because he might feel a little bit of something for me! i mean, our hands did linger a bit when i said goodbye to him at the bar after drinks with colleagues on friday night, yes?

it's always weird too because as soon as you realize your own feelings for someone, your interactions with that person change; you're so aware of your own emotions that every word, every action, every look directed towards this person is heightened - constructed and delivered so that your 'best face' is always on show. being 'me' however, i have managed to put my foot firmly in my mouth a few times, and have walked away from him with more than just a mild case of embarassment on a number of occasions. i won't go into details except to say that while some people are smooth operators when it comes to navigating their crushes to fruition, i am not one of them; i am constantly stumbling and fumbling and generally making a fool of myself.

i guess, as with most things, i will have to wait and see - not sit idly by mind you, but actively take steps to making this more than just a crush. as canuckian's friend once said to me, 'this is the SUMMER OF OPPORTUNITY, and you have nothing to lose'. she's right.

CET