i got an email today from a friend i hadn't heard from in a while. she lives in the states while her boyfriend lives in alberta. he's in film; she's studying to be a teacher. she said she'll probably move up there next year to teach and to be with him.
my flatmate s is doing her phd here; her boyfriend j (my other flatmate) moved here in september, primarily to be with her.
a part of me envies people who can just pick up and move some place to be with the person they love. another part of me though has absolute no idea why people would be willing to change so much of their life to be with someone. i mean, if you're on a certain path and then someone comes along that might divert you from your path, should you take it? yes, i know, "the road less travelled by makes all the difference", blah blah blah but still. a part of what bothered me about getting back together with t (if we were to get back together) is that him, being english, might divert me from my path. i told him from DAY ONE of our relationship that i was going to settle in canada; it wasn't me being selfish, it was me having a preference, for many, many reasons which i won't get into here. and may i just make clear that my love for him was never "conditional", based on the fact that i wanted to live in canada; i'd like to think it was completely unconditional - i mean, why can't a girl just have a preference on where to live?
over dinner last night ms. journalist said "but what if he's the one?" i'm sorry, but "the one" is complete bull crap. if you're talking about soulmates i think one person can have many soulmates; my sister is my soulmate, my close friends are my soulmates. maybe i'm just not at that point where i'd be willing to do anything for someone i loved (and i mean in a romantic sense, as i would do pretty much anything for my sister and my close friends!).
anyhoo, while i'm extremely happy for my friends and support their decisions, it just left me feeling a little bit sad. my mom says i'm too practical sometimes when it comes to matters of the heart; flatmate j said i can't apply my "scientific, analytical side" to emotions and love. and i say "why not?"
i want to know your opinions on this subject, so email me or leave a comment!
CET
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Yeah, I got that e-mail too from teacher and film guy. Remember what I said over the phone the other day (after screaming "Oh my god" for five minutes)? I totally called that one. Just wait for the freakin' wedding invite.
I'm going to call you know.
I mean now, not know. And I was screaming about something else, not the teacher and film guy, if anyone cares.
I'm listening to Snow Patrol's "Chocolate" right now as I'm doing my homework and I love it! Now I love to eat and listen to chocolate. Thanks CET!
OK, here's my two cents. But don't take this as what I think you should do. Only you can decide what you can do for yourself and so fra you seem to be doing a great job at it.
It's great that you have goal and dreams and they involve a single country. Now, does T have the same concerning one particular country? Love should not be about ignoring all those dreams, it's about compromise. You need to be as ready to be willing to move (but not give up all your dreams) as he is. It's a two way street.
However, if he does love you as much as he does, he would realize why it's so important for you to stay in Canada. And if he doesn't know, maybe you should go over every point. Maybe he just needs a complete explanation. (Boys are dense like that sometimes).
Truthfully, I think he should be willing to move back to Canada (with you), considering that you went to the UK for school (and happened to be closer to him by making that move). Does that make any sense?
Visits to England are possible, and will most likely be part of your lives (if you get back together) especially if children come around. Are you willing to deal with that?
And finally, ask him what the big deal about living in England is? Will he has better opportunities there? Isn't Canada even a consideration on his list?
If nothing can be resolved in the end, then it wasn't meant to be. (or maybe it wasn't meant to be at that particular time in your lives). Everything can change by the time you graduate.
If this makes no sense, let me know. It's 3:05 am and I'm sort of tired.
thanks for your thoughts styxxx, i really appreciate them. i will email you soon!
CET
Bah...I don't think scientific principles can be applied to matters of the heart. I'm sure there are plenty of psychologists that are now feeling a bit stung, but if they really tried to properly estimate the error bars in their measurements, they'd be hanging up there around 100%. Emotions are to be observed; never predicted. As for identifying one's soulmates (ditto on them being plural), that's for the souls, not the minds. Our brains are too simple to comprehend such concepts. The only equations that seem to be reliable are:
makes me happy = friend
makes me happy for a lifetime = soulmate
There are almost certainly dozens of additional relations that must be simultaneously satisfied with these; hundreds of corrolaries to be expressed...but I imagine nothing less than a firm understanding of general relativity is required to elucidate them. I might venture a guess that one is:
what you give < what you get
*Perhaps* that should be a less-than-or-equal-to relationship.
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