jamie, t and me

saw jamie oliver last night talk about his new book. he's EXACTLY the same in person as on tv. i think that's cool that what you get on tv is what you get in person, though perhaps his "public" persona may not be a reflection of his true self. anyhoo, the guy "interviewing" him on stage was a real idiot, trying to sound all knowledgeable but ending up sounding like a ponce. to keep him from talking, jamie would at times face the crowd and talk to us for about five minutes, just so the interviewer couldn't speak! i like jamie.

i went to the show with t. we walked back to king's cross and were chatting at king's cross for a while and...we talked about where each of us are in our respective lives and what each of us want for ourselves...turns out what he wants did not match what i want (which i knew already), so basically i think i broke his heart by telling him that i need time and space to figure things out. it was horrible, talking and crying at king's cross station, people catching trains around us wondering what the heck is going on. i mean, we've been "exes" since february, but what with me moving to london, thereby pretty much throwing our respective "grieving" processes for a loop and then out the window...this felt more final than the other time, when there was an ocean between us and we were breaking up over the phone. the biggest irony is that the physical distance kept us apart and was the primary reason why we broke up, but now that the physical distance is gone, we're not together...talk about deja vu, as this happened to me previously a long while ago...i sure know a thing or two when it comes to long-distance relationships and irony.

so i went home and cried in the bathroom. my flatmate j came to comfort me which was nice. i think it's just as hard for the "dumper" as it is for the "dumpee", especially when there's still so much feeling there. i love t and still think the world of him, i just know that he can't be in my life in a boyfriend capacity right now. i need to figure out myself, by myself, before i can let someone in. i know i'll be okay - i'm more worried for t than for myself, as this is his first breakup - i guess time will tell the full story.

CET