another one bites the dust

so my "dalliance" with scottish guy is over. i deleted his mobile and landline numbers from my phone today and it was very cathartic for me.

before i launch into what happened, i should start by filling you in on a very important but up until now un-divulged fact: after making out on our second date he informs me that he JUST broke up with his long-distance girlfriend (of THREE YEARS) less than THREE MONTHS AGO! my first reaction was "aren't you heartbroken?" because i would think he would still be hurting at this point, and wouldn't want to be on a date with anyone, let alone kissing them. he kind of brushed it off and said something along the lines of "the breakup was coming and inevitable and we both knew it; it was just a matter of time"; he seemed really non-chalant and quite fine about the situation, so i kind of left it, plus he had to run to catch his train.

now, i'm a pretty straightforward (yes, at times even blunt, tactless even) person, and i really do not understand/have no time for indirectness, innuendo or anything of the sort; if you have something to say you just say it, no beating around the bush. it took up until last week for vij and sue to point out to me that maybe that was his way of telling me that he doesn't want anything serious, and that even though we're kissing, to not get any ideas about starting a relationship. i'm sorry, but what the fuck? who said i had ANY of those expectations? who said i had any expectations to begin with? at that point i was

a) attracted to him (both physically and mentally); and
b) just wanted to continue to date him and see what happens.

oh, and yes, maybe i'm a bit dense for missing that "clue", but why the heck my friends didn't point it out to me earlier is something i'm still trying to figure out! needless to say i gave both vij and sue an earful and told them to point these things out to me in the future as soon as possible! :o)

anyhoo, so after that whole brouhaha occurred where i called him and interrupted him at the art gallery, i emailed him the next day basically saying to call me when he's free. he replied to my email three days later and since then, nada. that was two weeks ago.

two weeks without a peep pretty much tells me he's not into me, or is scared; whatever the reason, he doesn't want to see me again. it hurt me and disappointed me; i think the feeling of disappointment was worse, as i thought he was a better person than to just ignore me - i'm a firm believer that even if you think the truth hurts, the avoidance of truth hurts even more. everyone told me to move on, but muttonface, a self-proclaimed softy, said i should try to call him one more time, put in that last bit of effort, so i can say without a doubt that i tried, and would have no "what if's" floating around in my head, no regrets. i thought this was reasonable.

so tuesday night i called his cell - switched off; his landline - not home. i tried both numbers again last night, and no one answered either line. that's it, i'm done, hence deleting both his numbers today.

i was talking to a male friend of mine and he said that from what he could gather from this blog, he thought i was "too aggressive", and that i took away scottish guy's chance to "chase" me. i'm pretty sure my male friend doesn't believe this crap for a second (i hope not!), but he pointed out that this is what other men may think. he also said that my one extra phone call that saturday (where i interrupted him at the art gallery) was too much, too "stalkerish", and might have scared scottish guy off. this is what i think:

do i really want to date a guy where one "extra" phone call has him running for the hills? ummm, no.

it's funny because there were moments where i was racked with self-doubt; is it me? is there something wrong with me? was i too forward? too honest? too geeky? not sexy enough? that self-doubt was obviously short-lived (hehehe), because at the end of the day i want to date someone wants to be with ME, and that includes all my faults (along with all the oh-so fabulous things about me). if he can't see that he's missing out on an awesome person well then i say TOUGH SHIT. :o)

oh, and i didn't want to be catty or mean so i didn't include this other fact until now (hehehe): he was a really horrible kisser! i can't even begin to describe what he did with his tongue but trust me, you do not want to witness or experience it. ever. bad kissing is a post (a few posts) in and of itself but let me leave you with this: how can someone come out of a THREE YEAR RELATIONSHIP and can't kiss for shit??? i know i know, to each his own but still, that was wacked.

CET :o)