the winding road

hello hello!

yes, it's been a while. crazy busy and busy crazy pretty much sums up the summer so far:

completion of degree: yes, i have now officially completed (and passed) my pharmacy degree! WOOT WOOT! four years. FOUR YEARS!!! i must say it feels good. four years of blood, sweat, tears and a pile of money the size of a small town and now i get to put some letters after my name. Six letters to be exact - MPharm. nice! :oD

the crazy thing is that this is JUST THE BEGINNING. now comes licensure in ontario, canada and with that is a whole new pile of blood, sweat, tears and money. yikes. speaking of which, i have moved back to toronto, canada for good. time to get licensed and start paying off some billz. it was hard leaving london - not the city itself (which don't get me wrong, i love) - but the people i've met and have become friends with these past four years; i am missing them tons. it's always that way wherever you go: while in city A you miss the people in city B and while in city B you miss the people in city A. i'm just going to have to live with it i suppose. i will be seeing them at the graduation ceremony this fall, so that'll be good. a riot, actually, it'll be a riot! i already can't wait.

so as soon as i landed on canadian soil i had to write the first of many exams towards licensure; this one was a two-day exam covering everything i've learned in the last four years (and then some), as it was an equivalency exam that all foreign-taught/trained students/pharmacists have to take. three hundred multiple choice questions over two days. yikes. i swear my blood pressure must've been markedly higher in the month leading up to this exam; shitting bricks doesn't even begin to describe it. when all was said and done though it was tough for sure, but not as tough as i thought it would be. i thought it would be impossibly difficult but it was possibly difficult and do-able. i had to draw on every brain cell for the answers but i managed, and more importantly, i passed! can i hear another WOOT WOOT!!!

my joy at passing was short-lived however as now i have to start preparing for the licensure exams in november: another two-day, multiple choice exam followed by a one-day practical exam known as the OSCEs. double yikes. i am loathe to pick up the textbooks again but pick them up i must; if i'm MIA from this blog for another couple of months you now know why.

returning home and settling back in has been pretty smooth; in all honesty it feels like another summer at home after a school year away - a part of me expects to be flying back to london come late september! reconnecting with family and friends has been good, and the best part is that i'm not trying to squish as many visits in with friends as i normally am before returning to london, because i don't have to go back this time! sweet! i can plan meetings, parties and hangouts at my leisure.

i do miss the complete independence i had when i was in london; no one to answer to, no one's schedule to follow but my own. living with the family again has been an adjustment for sure, and one of the biggest adjustments has been having to tell my parents where i'm going and when i'll be home. sigh. it's not like i'm an adult or anything. :oS

what i don't miss about london is the loneliness i felt. you can be alone and not be lonely, but while in london there were times where i felt alone AND lonely. london's that kind of a place (though i'm sure most big cities are like that to some extent).

anyhoo, so that's pretty much the last two months in a nutshell. plugging away, plugging away, until i can legally deal drugs in the province of ontario. i'm excited.

CET :o)

solstice and all that

hey party people!

less than a month since my last post and so much (yet so little) has happened:

degree done: i finished my last set of exams for my pharmacy degree!!! WOOHOO!!! words cannot describe the utter joy that i felt when i walked out of the exam hall. all of us fourth years gathered on the steps outside the school and whooped it up; well okay it was only me jumping up and down and doing the jig - c'mon you brits, show a little emotion! - but regardless, a HUGE sense of relief washed over us and it was a good feeling.

the hook up that didn't happen: i'm apparently quite the seductress when i put my mind to it! don't really want to go into the details but i basically seduced my way into a classmate's bed, only to stop before things REALLY got started. i fully admit to being the temptress but when it came down to it i actually used my head instead of my loins, which does happen very often! i'm good friends with this guy and i just didn't want it to get weird or awkward (which i knew it would because it inevitably does), plus i wasn't all that attracted to him in the first place! it was more a "he was there, we were alone, why not?" type of deal. not worth the momentary pleasure, i thought. i can see us being good friends for a long while and so put the brakes on it before it went too far. yay me for abstaining for once! :oD

and then today i read this article in the guardian. food for thought...

the studying continues: instead of whooping it up, travelling a bit and having an all round good time in london before heading home, i'm stuck at my desk studying for a big exam back in canada at the beginning of july. it's an evaluating exam that all foreign-trained pharmacists/pharmacy students have to take (and pass) before writing the actual licensing exam. so no relaxation for me just yet. :o(

well, that's not true, i am heading to barcelona for a total of 48 hours this week, to meet up with my classmates who have been travelling through portugal and spain while i've been at home revising. they're ending their trip in barcelona and although i couldn't do the full trip with them, i can sure as hell do the last two days!

i'm leaving london for good on july 3rd. no more flying back and forth anymore - this is it! well, i'll be back for convocation in november but you know what i mean; it's the end of quite a significant chapter in my life. i think i've posted about this already but yes, i am ready to move on. i'm ready to be in one place for longer than six months; i'm (very) ready to move on with establishing my career. onward and upward for this pharmacist-in-training!

i'm sure i could speak more on my feelings about leaving but there's no time for introspection now; let me just get through this evaluating exam in one piece and then i'll be as introspective as you want.

happy summer solstice!

back to studying,
CET :o)

wick's end

and so another month flies by.

i don't know if you're aware, but i'm nearing the end of my degree and therefore the end of my time in london; i'll be returning to canada at the beginning of july.

so many thoughts and yet i don't know what to say.

to be honest i am glad that this chapter in my life is ending. don't get me wrong; i love london and have had a wonderful time here these past four years and have met and made such amazing friends. coming here for pharmacy school was the last thing i ever expected to do but now that i've done it (and almost finished) i can say that i've made the most of my time here and have many cherished memories to always remember london by. i have no regrets (save for a few boys perhaps).

i'm almost finished a four year degree and yet it feels like the path to becoming a pharmacist is only just beginning.

i want the cog wheels of my life and career to move forward, and yet i'm afraid of moving forward at the same time.

i sometimes wonder if i have enough brain power and capacity to become a pharmacist! i have enough heart i know that, but my brain seems a little less reliable. these licensing exams are SCARY SHIT!

i wish i wasn't so melancholy today but a shit week will do that to a person.

i've been sick this whole week with a flu of some description (if i had a penny for the number of times i've heard "swine flu"...); my landlord's renovating the bathroom so i've been staying at a friend's place this week. i've also had three assignment deadlines this week, which has meant late night after late night of work, culminating in a marathon session that had me up until 4:30am friday morning finishing an assignment due that afternoon, followed by working at the bar all friday night. i am tired. i am burnt out. and i haven't even reached exams yet.

a couple of people this week have also hurt and disappointed me deeply. why do people have no regard for how i feel? why does selfishness pervade? why is it so hard for people to do what they say and say what they do? why is it so hard to tell the truth? it is all i ask of anyone and yet the truth is something that seems to evade me. it's like a sick joke.

in some small measure i am glad to be leaving london for the simple fact that it takes me far away from these people who have hurt me.

but this isn't meant to be a whingy post. this is just me trying to sort out my heart and my mind so i can take a deep breath for this last push to the end of finals.

goodnight and good luck,

CET

satan's spawn and other creatures

hello!

i should be writing my lit review right about now, but instead i will take this time to jot down a few things here.

to quote a friend's facebook status, "i am a pro at this crastination thing."

Satan's Spawn:

this past weekend was spent looking after a friend's brother's dog. let's call him "satan's spawn": a 2 year old yorkshire terrier who's tries to bite your face off when he's not pestering you for cuddles. freakin' weirdo dog.

a part of me feels for him because he's pretty much stuck at home all day and hardly gets taken out for walks; because of this, he doesn't interact with other people and other dogs, aside from his two owners. he also isn't disciplined very well, so this adds up to a dog that freaks out whenever he meets someone new.

friday and saturday were spent with him basically hiding from me when he wasn't all up in my grill trying to rip it off with his tiny teeth. i gave him his food and tried to play with him but he wasn't having any of it. fine, i say, then leave me alone to my writing and procrastination. by saturday afternoon he was coming around a bit; he finally allowed me to put the leash on him and take him for a walk. god knows i needed it as much as he did, after being stuck in front of a computer all day. i think that was our "breakthrough" because afterwards he was pretty much putty in my hands for the rest of the weekend. am i london's version of the "dog whisperer?" perhaps. :o)

i even taught him how to sit and stay! pretty good for someone he wanted to kill just a few days earlier.

anyhoo, chili dog he ain't but it was nice to have a pet for the weekend, plus it was a paying gig that also came with a surpise bottle of latour and a box of chocolates! bonus.

This Thing I Call My Future:

so i've hinted here and there about going to interviews and such...basically i've decided to give licensing as a pharmacist in the UK a shot, before returning home to get licensed in canada. the way things are going though, i don't think the UK wants me to practice pharmacy here!

i'm of two minds on this subject; when i first came over to do my degree i was adamant that i would return home as soon as i finished. it was never my intention to come to england to study pharmacy in the first place but i suppose the fates conspired to bring me here; if i haven't detailed the full story in a previous post (i don't remember if i have or not) then i won't get into it now. suffice it to say that i wanted to return home after this degree PRONTO.

don't get me wrong, i have LOVED my time here in london and wouldn't trade it for the world - i don't regret a second of it - but after moving here, there and everywhere since the age of 18 i think i am ready stay in one place for a while, and that place is canada. anyhoo...

studying here has provided me with an opportunity to get licensed here; if i get offered a great hospital training placement i would be hard-pressed to turn it down. i applied to four hospitals in london and the general NHS training scheme in scotland; here's my current status:

NHS scotland: had the interview, am waiting for their decision to come in the post;
london, hospital #1: turned me down without even granting me an interview;
london, hospital #2: had an interview and they turned me down;
london, hospital #3: had an interview, still don't know their decision;
london, hospital #4: haven't heard anything from them yet.

so my odds look pretty grim. i want to start my career in hospital so am not applying to any community pharmacies; if i stayed in the UK for another year or two it would be for hospital only. i would rather go home and get licensed in canada than spend a year plus in a community pharmacy in the UK.

if i don't get anything here i won't be too disappointed, as that would mean i would be going home! i had nothing to lose by trying and everything to gain so i thought "why not?" and decided to give it the good ol' college try.

i did get feedback from one of the interviewers; she said i babbled on too much (which i knew i did) and that some of my answers to her questions were a bit weak, which showed that i didn't do enough research about the placement itself. hey, the criticism was constructive and appreciated. they interviewed over 150 students for 2 to 9 places so she said if you didn't perform well on the interview day your chances were pretty much slim to none, if they weren't already. i can live with that.

anyhoo, i'll keep you posted on what happens with the other places i still haven't heard from. i have a feeling i won't get anything but we'll see.

okay, okay, back to the lit review.

CET :o)