here's a debate for you

i had a recent email debate with an ex of mine (the only ex i still speak to, come to think of it) about whether it's better to withhold the truth in order to avoid conflict, or tell the truth and deal with the consequence, even if the consequence is conflict. he said some people value avoiding conflict over telling the truth, while i say that telling the truth is the right thing to do, as avoiding conflict just makes you chicken shit. what do you think?

and i know my next statement is a GROSS generalization but it is one made based on my own personal experiences these last few years: canadian guys value telling the truth while british guys value avoiding conflict.

my ex (the one i had the debate with) has always been honest and direct in all his dealings with me, when we were together and now as friends; i respected french-canadian guy because he told me straight up that he had started seeing someone who wanted the same things he did (i.e. a relationship), and that he didn't want to jeopardize that by seeing me, as i only wanted something casual. both are canadian.

on the other hand, my british ex (remember "ex-T?") recently avoided telling me that he got engaged, leaving the dirty work to mutual friends. remember londoner? we had a brief fling before i left for canada for the summer, back at the end of second year; he avoided telling me that he had started seeing someone while i was away, and only came out with the truth when i called him on it. and youngin'? oh my god, don't even get me started on him. i won't go into the gory details but suffice it to say that there were SHITLOADS of things that i didn't find out until well after the fact, because he was too afraid/chicken shit to tell me. all of them are british (or english if i have to be specific - don't want to drag the lovely scots, welsh and northern irishmen into the cesspool of deceit if they don't deserve it).

so there you go. why do you think this is so? what are your opinions/conspiracy theories? am i just particularly "lucky" in meeting all these english guys who avoid the truth like the plague? why do they give the truth so little value? maybe i give the truth too high a value. then again, maybe not.

what are your thoughts? your own experiences? any insight is greatly appreciated.

CET :o)

knots

i've been back in london since last thursday and jet lag is still kicking my butt. woke up around 2:30 this morning and had a hell of a time trying to fall back asleep.

it's gone past 10pm now and given my state of consciousness (or lack thereof), i don't think any studying will get done tonight. i still seem to have half a mind to blog though. :o)

i have that feeling where you need to be out of your own skin, if only for a little while. restless, itchy, wanting to scream and run around but not being able to. melancholy over youngin', stressed about pending exams...my mind and my body can't seem to settle.

i want to punch youngin' and hug him at the same time.

i was talking to a friend today and she said my problem is that i tell the guys i date too soon that it's not my intention to stay in england after i'm done my degree (it never was, it never will be). she says because it's established that i'm not going to live here permanently, it gives them the mindset that this will only be casual and that they don't have to invest their feelings in me, hence they will have fun with me for the time i'm here, but then as soon as i go back home to toronto, whether for christmas or for the summer, by the time i return they have already started dating someone else. depending on the guy they will either have told me right away (i.e. french canadian, youngin'), not at all (office boy), or only after i drag it out of them because they're too chicken shit to tell me of their own accord (i.e. londoner).

do you think this is the case? what's the point of postponing the truth, of telling them later rather than sooner that i won't be in london forever? get them in deep and then spring it on them? i don't think that's fair to the guy at all.

there's definitely a pattern to my dating but are they all connected or have i just been unlucky enough for it to happen to me four consecutive times?

my sister canuckian complained that i've been posting about boys too much lately, but i don't think i can help it. school and boys (well, a particular boy) have pretty much occupied my mind and my time since october. and do people want to read my whinging and whining about school, or about boys? :o)

i continue to have thoughts and observations about living in london and will try to write about them when i can, but at the moment everything seems hazy and grey and it's not just the bad english weather.

CET :o(

two-date cut off, willingly or not

so i've noticed a trend in my dating experiences this past year: i don't seem to get past the two-date mark, whether i want to or not! case(s) in point:

first canadian guy: the guy i first dipped my toes into the online dating pool with. he was nice but there were no sparks on my part, especially after he was extremely late for both dates.

french canadian: okay, so we were shagging by the second date and would've continued to shag i'm sure, if he didn't start dating his still-current girlfriend. i don't begrudge him this at all (absolutely not, in fact i was glad he was so honest and open with me), but it would've been nice to have had to a few more shag-fests before he hooked up with his honey.

office boy: okay, so i never mentioned the fact that i saw him one more time after our initial "non-date" date, but anymore dates after the second were nigh on impossible as i left the country for school, oh and yes, he started dating someone else. i sometimes wonder what would've happened if i was still in toronto around that time - would we have continued to see each other or would his getting-together with his current girlfriend have happened anyway, whether i was there or not? i'm actually glad i wasn't in the city when that all went down, it was hard enough as it was dealing with it on the other side of the ocean.

scottish guy: i've already hashed the story on this blog in gory/glorious detail so i won't go into it again, needless to say his MIA status after our second date pretty much negated a third. left me baffled.

third canadian guy: i didn't mention this guy until now because again like first canadian guy, there were no sparks on my part. our first date was fun (we saw the photographer of the year exhibition at the natural history museum) but by the second date i was sure i wasn't attracted to him. well, i already knew that by the first date but i thought i'd give him another shot. not really wanting a third date at this point.

so where does this leave me? five men, ten dates later and what? i don't know. i guess all this is either a huge coincidence, some higher power's funny joke on me, or a combination of timing and lack of/no lack of chemistry. sigh. on the bright side, i have many a funny/scandalous/horrible story to tell my girlfriends, future progeny and future grand-progeny. i'm cool with that.

what are your thoughts on this? is it me?

CET :o)

new beginnings...

HAPPY NEW YEAR DEAR READERS!

after a christmas hiatus from my blog i am back! i hope everyone had a lovely holiday/christmas/hanukkah/kwanzaa/etc. and a fantastic new year!

the end of another year always brings about a bit of personal reflection; looking back on 2006, i can say that it was a very good year. i finished my first year of pharmacy school, worked a summer job that allowed me to meet wonderful people, and it even provided a bit of excitement in the romance department, albeit short-lived :o). one of my best friends got married and another six (six!) couples i know got engaged; i continued with my dragonboat racing and have made many more happy memories. second year of pharmacy school started and i couldn't be happier living where i'm living in london and with who i'm living with; i truly feel blessed!

emotionally, 2006 was much better than 2005. my heart was slighty bruised by office boy, but nothing that couldn't be mended; i continued to drool into my coffee over coffee shop hottie - he has indeed provided me with much fun and fodder for my blog :o) - and i leaped outside my comfort zone by giving a random boy my number! oh, and we mustn't forget forging new limits with french canadian :o).

anyhoo, here's to a fresh new year and clean slate of 365 days to fill with LIVING LIFE TO THE FULLEST!

CET :o)