anger

just thought i'd expunge this here so i can get on with painting my toenails.

remember how ex-T didn't tell me about his engagement, leaving the dirty work to friends?

so my phone rang just a little while ago; i check the caller ID and it's ex-T. i wasn't expecting to hear from him for - oh i don't know, ever - so i hesitated for a few rings before answering it. he heard from a mutual friend that i was leaving town for good soon and so wanted to say one last hello and wish me all the best. throughout the exchange of niceties i kept debating whether or not to call him out on his cowardliness; on one hand "let sleeping dogs lie" and all that, but on the other i thought "fuck, why should i hang up without saying anything?" so nearing the end of the conversation i say "isn't there something you're forgetting?" to which he immediately replied "oh, that i'm engaged?" um yeah DUH, that you're engaged and forgot to tell me. at first he claims that he already told me, or at least he thought so, then he says he forgot, as he had to tell so many people that he must've forgotten to tell me. right.

i told him that it wasn't all that nice having to hear news like that from mutual friends (quite shit, frankly) when it's something that he should have told me himself. he then goes on - and this confirms for me YET AGAIN, why breaking up with him was the right thing to do - to imply that he's the VICTIM, that he's the victim of my horrible accusations. sigh. once a coward, always a coward.

even if it was true, that he sincerely thought he told me and that if he didn't it was an oversight, what a shitty thing to do to someone who was your first girlfriend (he's engaged to his second) for three years and the first person you ever loved and deeply at that?

i got off the phone with him and my hands were shaking. i hate how after all these years he can still affect me like that.

this particular boy sucks the chunk monkey SO large right now.

CET

i tham thuffed up

the rain hasn't stopped since saturday.

my sore throat from all last week has now turned into a head cold.

my nose is stuffed up.

revision is slow-going. what else is new?

i still don't have a job for the summer.

i am so ready to go home.

CET :oS

'the modern day ken and barbie'

holy shit what a weekend. let me break it down:

friday: cousin's wedding tea ceremony, then reception at banquet hall

conclusion: disorganization, chaos, relatives coming out to whazoo, happiness, joy, tears, lucky money, lots of gold = glad that's over with!


saturday: family friend's daughter's wedding

background: we use to play together when we were young, before a spat between one of the other families and my family caused us to not hang out anymore. bygones are now bygones, hence we were invited to her wedding (along with the other family that we feuded with). oh, and this was the first time we've seen our old playmate in about 10-15 years.

conclusion: some people are put on this earth to make you feel bad about yourself - she is one of them. no fault of her own mind you, i don't blame her at all, but it was all just so perfect it made me want to puke. she used to work as a model and her fiance (now husband) still works as a model; it was like i was dropped off on some alien planet that had a golf and country club, where all the aliens are wearing white (yes my friends, it was a 'themed' wedding where all the guests had to wear white. what did canuckian and i wear? black. foxy black dresses mind you, but black. i mean, white flatters less than 0.0001% of the world's population, am i really going to drop a fortune on a dress that makes me look fat? i don't think so. plus white is the colour of funerals and death in chinese culture, not weddings, so i was not under any circumstances going to wear white.) and look like they've stepped off the pages of a fashion magazine. at least the food was good and they had a jazz band, plus it was canada day so we got to see a bit of the fireworks coming from canada's wonderland.

best/worst moment: i was wearing a diamond ring on my right hand (a graduation gift from my family, using my grandmother's old diamond earrings), and would switch the ring onto my left hand whenever they played games where they asked all the singletons to come to the front of the stage, thus anyone who would try to get me to go to the stage would be met with a "i am engaged." of course the time comes for the throwing of the bouquet; i didn't want to go up there of course, but under intense pressure from my mom and her friend (plus canuckian had gone to the bathroom so i had no backup support), i slowly made my way to the front of the room. i hesitated for a second, when suddenly one of the 'aunties' - one that i despise, mind you - shouts out to me to get up on stage. i yell back at her "i'm engaged!" and she turns to my mom and asks "is this really TRUE?" of course my mom has to tell the truth, so when i'm back from not catching the bouquet the auntie asks that question that all singletons dread at functions like these, "so when's it your turn???"

auntie: "so when's it your turn?"
CET: "not for a long, long time thank you very much."
auntie (condescendingly): "but why not? it's a part of LIFE you know"
CET (fighting the urge to smack auntie's face): "i suppose so, but i'm busy doing other things. perhaps eventually, sure, but at the moment, NO."

then i looked at her with a "ask me one more question pertaining to my single status and i will bitch slap you from here to kingdom come" look. i think she took the hint. her young daughter was sitting next to us as we had this exchange; i could almost see the auntie reach out to cover her daughter's ears, lest she be exposed to such blasphemy. anyhoo, needless to say i was glad to see that evening over with too.


sunday: vegetarian reception for my cousin and his new bride, with 99% of the guests being from our temple

conclusion: i was the designated photographer and was glad for the job (to keep me busy); the food was fine, the guests were fine, everything was fine except for the bloody sermon delivered by the "religious figurehead" of our temple. she wanted to bless the couple and ended up on a tirade about the evils of eating meat. sigh. that is SO not going to happen if and when i get married. again, i am glad that's all over with!

final thoughts: if and when i get married it's going to be a) small, b) simple and c) involve a barbeque in my backyard with close family, friends and lots of meat.

oh, and 'the modern day ken and barbie' line is a direct quote from the groom's mother - 'nuff said.

CET