psychoanalysis sucks

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!! MAY YOU BE BLESSED WITH HEALTH, HAPPINESS, WEALTH AND PROSPERITY IN THE YEAR OF THE PIG!!!

so canuckian left london yesterday. it was soooooo good to have her here for the week, i can't even tell you; we hung out, did a little bit of touristy stuff but not much, and just generally revelled in each other's company. i'm so glad she got to meet my school friends and check out where i live, experiencing a little of what my life is like here. i miss her already.

vij and i had an epic discussion about me and men last night; i'm exhausted. i don't even know how we got on the topic but it was brutal, in the sense that you're asked questions that force you to really look at yourself and delve deep for answers as to why you do the things you do and why you think the way you think. what emerged were the following points:

- i sell myself short when i really shouldn't
- i (think? still debating this) i want a relationship but don't think i can give it 100% at this point
- i don't want a fling (although it can be convenient at times)
- i deserve better!
- i don't like how i've been handling this whole scottish guy thing...mentally and emotionally, i'm turning into someone i don't like
- i'm much too honest and straightforward to play stupid games with men and have no time nor patience to do so, but i think my honesty and bluntness scares them
- i can't read subtle/indirect signs/words AT ALL; just say what you feel and cut all the indirect bullshit
- finding someone you care about that cares for you in return is fucking hard.

i bought myself tulips today to cheer myself up! partly because of this whole stupid boy business but mostly because i miss my sister.

CET :o)

the world is alright again

coffee shop hottie is BACK!

i was having lunch with canuckian and classmate T at the coffee shop and had just bitten into my smoked ham sandwich when the door opens and in he walks, looking as fine as always. i was so shocked (and in mid-bite) that i didn't know what to do; canuckian, being my twin, knew something was up and instantly realized that CSH was in the vicinity, judging by my expression - she looked around and spotted him instantly. what does she do then? he comes over with a plate of food for classmate T and BOOM, she starts talking to him! asks him to take a picture of us as that's what tourists do, take pictures. i was so stunned all i could do was smile for the camera. man, i really have to work on getting his name now, as canuckian and business woman have each individually managed to speak more words to him in five minutes than i have in over a year.

i'm happy though because he's back. exhale...

CET :o)

we are family!

i'm so happy canuckian's here, i can't even tell you! there's nothing like having family here. i love my twin!

CET :o)

stars and ocean

i saw the stars last night! no, not the celebrity kind but the points-of-light-in-the-sky kind. it's funny/sad how i didn't even notice that i haven't seen them in a long time until i looked up last night and there they were in all their glory - the big dipper, little dipper, orion's belt - winking at me from way up high.

in halifax visiting muttonface this week - halifax, nova scotia, canada, not halifax, england for those who might be confused - walked to the park today after having a monster of a lunch (sweet potato poutine and seafood chowder, mmm) and dipped my hand into the atlantic ocean. c-c-c-c-cold. i realized that i've touched the atlantic ocean from both sides of the world, at four different locations: halifax, nova scotia; delaware, usa; cornwall, england and the algarve, portugal. i feel very blessed to have had the opportunity to do so!

today is my birthday (canuckian's too of course!). happy birthday canuckian!

muttonface's flatmate's cookin' up something good for dinner right now, it smells yummy. will be going to some reggae night thing that muttonface knows of afterwards, should be a good time!

CET :o)

it wouldn't be london without the rain

holy torrential downpour batman! seriously. jeans were soaked from the cuffs to my ass. and my ass is not droopy. and that was WITH an umbrella.

flat hunting day one: saw an okay place, a studenty place, then a really great place but a bit far for my liking. i was in the greenwich area around lunchtime so i stopped for a lovely helping of pie in my most favourite place in london after the coffee shop near spitalfields - well, they're more tied for first but anyway - goddard's pie house near the cutty sark. mmm mmm mmm, chicken and mushroom pie with a side of mash and near waterfall of gravy. the mash was a little bland today but the pie was oh so good. their desserts are where it's at though; a blackcurrent and apple pie, along with a rhubarb pie, made its way home with me today (they will be gone as soon as i am done this post).

walking in the rain, though wet, is thoroughly enjoyable; it was one of the things office boy and i had in common. oh office boy, sigh. i really need to move on - seriously! and canuckian, don't leave a comment like "yeah get over him, for real!" because I KNOW! love and miss you canuckian :o)

okay, i've been staring at the computer for long enough, willing an email from office boy to appear. off to eat pie.

holy, the torrential rain is starting up again! it's SO loud, banging on the windows!

CET :o)

thrown

people surprise you. i've been surprised quite a bit these last two weeks!

people are unpredictable and i love that. that is what makes life exciting.

i have been trying to pack for the last five hours and am not succeeding at all. how can one person have so much crap?

i think the next time you hear from me i will be in londontown!

toronto family and friends: i love you so much and will miss you all dearly.

london family and friends: here i come! can't wait to see you all!

big kiss, MWAH!
CET :o)

rainy day observation

today was a thoroughly rainy day. non-stop, whether it be a downpour or a sprinkle.

spent most of today doing absolutely nothing. watched the prison break episode my dad taped for me this week - wentworth miller, mmm mmm good... :o)

made the observation that a rainy day like today is the perfect weather to spend all day in bed with someone. if only we could bypass the commute to that person's bed, or vice versa...poof! he or she instantly appears on your bed, ready to while away the hours with you.

ended up at vaughan mills mall in the evening with my grandma, cousins and aunt. went on a slight shopping spree and bought a few tops and some cds - my excuse is that it's 'back to school'. bought cesaria evora's cafe atlantico; am quite excited to put it on.

happy events occurring tomorrow:

- the parental unit are driving down to DC to pick up canuckian
- i'm going to the cne with brown goddess and soo-c
- muttonface is in town (yay!) and we're meeting up later tomorrow night
- gluttony awaits in the food building - bring on the pulled pork sandwich, jerk chicken dinner, beavertail, chicken wings, tiny tom donuts, columbian coffee from the international building, dried mango, cotton candy, and any other food stuff that i can fit into my mouth and tummy in one, 24 hour period. BRING IT ON!!!

oh, had a 'hot' date on wednesday with closednode, the 'hot' part being dinner at the hot house cafe at church and front, ha. yes, the gnocchi was delicious. want to write more but feel like i can't!

dreaming of tiny toms,
CET :o)

onward and upward!

okay, this might disappoint some of you while others may rejoice: i will not be posting about my crush today. in fact, i will not be posting anything until something significant happens, for better or for worse!

tidbits i've been meaning to tell but got sidetracked with the whole crush thing:

- canuckian's home! she arrived yesterday. she'll be home until after mr. bing's wedding, at which point her life is, as of this moment, undecided. i am very glad to have my sister home, not to mention chili's very happy too, as this is the first time since we got him back in december that both of his sisters have been home together. we just finished celebrating the completion of her masters with some cake. congratulations canuckian!!! :o)



- i was wearing my "Rock How To" t-shirt from Threadless one day on the streetcar (see above) when two guys i was standing across from starting to motion to me with their hands. i realized they were both deaf and had noticed my t-shirt. the one guy asked me, through mouthing the words and signing, whether i knew any sign language. i only remember one phrase that brown goddess had taught me when she was learning how to sign, "my name is ________", so i signed it for them and they were very impressed! we then proceeded to fumble through a conversation in sign language and reading lips! i must say i was the one that did most of the fumbling, as they could comprehend me but i couldn't comprehend them very well. we managed to establish each other's names, where we all lived, where we all were heading, why i knew only that one phrase, and the fact that the one guy was flirting with me, saying i had a very pretty smile and a beautiful face :o) it was really cool to be able to converse with them, and lovely that such a random occurence could happen out of the blue.

- mr. bing's stagette party: two words pretty much sum up that evening - MALE STRIPPER. where do i even begin? ahhh yes, we begin with a "fireman" showing up at our door and being led to the bride-to-be to put out her "fire". the stripping music begins and we are treated to quite the show and smell, as this guy must've bathed in his cologne before coming over. PEEEE-YEW! he did his dance around the bride while the rest of us were hooting and hollering and taking pictures. when he was naked except for his g-string (yikes), he then turned to us and proceeded to LAY HIS BODY ON US, one by one, while taking our hands and rubbing them down his chest and smacking his behind. OHHHHHHH MY! then came the full monty, though you couldn't see too much of his bits because he kept hiding behind a little towel. not that i wanted a close up of his bits - he was just a tad too smarmy for my liking! i didn't let him do this to me, but apparently with one of the girls he LAY HIS PENIS ON HER CHEST and gyrated to the music! EEK! one of the other girls and i were clutching each other in half-fear when he came over to us; he proceeded to stand on the sofa, his bits dangling in our faces (though mine was buried in the sofa pillows), swinging his hips to and fro. hmmm...needless to say, by the time he left, each of us had memories (mentally etched and scarred) to last a lifetime :o) oh, and we also had his stench on us too, which i was only too happy to wash off when i got home! GOOOOOD TIMES...

- i'm in pain at the moment because i had my first dragonboat practice on thursday since last year; holy muscle spasm, batman! i was impressed with my stamina (because let's face it folks, CET is not the most active person in the world) but the next day i was feeling it big time. it was even worse the day after that, as business woman and i went to the beaches international jazz festival and proceeded to walk along queen street for three and a half hours. ouch.

- canuckian, brown goddess and i are heading to mr. bing's cottage this coming long weekend, can't wait! our last reconnaissance together before mr. bing becomes a wife :o)

CET

'the modern day ken and barbie'

holy shit what a weekend. let me break it down:

friday: cousin's wedding tea ceremony, then reception at banquet hall

conclusion: disorganization, chaos, relatives coming out to whazoo, happiness, joy, tears, lucky money, lots of gold = glad that's over with!


saturday: family friend's daughter's wedding

background: we use to play together when we were young, before a spat between one of the other families and my family caused us to not hang out anymore. bygones are now bygones, hence we were invited to her wedding (along with the other family that we feuded with). oh, and this was the first time we've seen our old playmate in about 10-15 years.

conclusion: some people are put on this earth to make you feel bad about yourself - she is one of them. no fault of her own mind you, i don't blame her at all, but it was all just so perfect it made me want to puke. she used to work as a model and her fiance (now husband) still works as a model; it was like i was dropped off on some alien planet that had a golf and country club, where all the aliens are wearing white (yes my friends, it was a 'themed' wedding where all the guests had to wear white. what did canuckian and i wear? black. foxy black dresses mind you, but black. i mean, white flatters less than 0.0001% of the world's population, am i really going to drop a fortune on a dress that makes me look fat? i don't think so. plus white is the colour of funerals and death in chinese culture, not weddings, so i was not under any circumstances going to wear white.) and look like they've stepped off the pages of a fashion magazine. at least the food was good and they had a jazz band, plus it was canada day so we got to see a bit of the fireworks coming from canada's wonderland.

best/worst moment: i was wearing a diamond ring on my right hand (a graduation gift from my family, using my grandmother's old diamond earrings), and would switch the ring onto my left hand whenever they played games where they asked all the singletons to come to the front of the stage, thus anyone who would try to get me to go to the stage would be met with a "i am engaged." of course the time comes for the throwing of the bouquet; i didn't want to go up there of course, but under intense pressure from my mom and her friend (plus canuckian had gone to the bathroom so i had no backup support), i slowly made my way to the front of the room. i hesitated for a second, when suddenly one of the 'aunties' - one that i despise, mind you - shouts out to me to get up on stage. i yell back at her "i'm engaged!" and she turns to my mom and asks "is this really TRUE?" of course my mom has to tell the truth, so when i'm back from not catching the bouquet the auntie asks that question that all singletons dread at functions like these, "so when's it your turn???"

auntie: "so when's it your turn?"
CET: "not for a long, long time thank you very much."
auntie (condescendingly): "but why not? it's a part of LIFE you know"
CET (fighting the urge to smack auntie's face): "i suppose so, but i'm busy doing other things. perhaps eventually, sure, but at the moment, NO."

then i looked at her with a "ask me one more question pertaining to my single status and i will bitch slap you from here to kingdom come" look. i think she took the hint. her young daughter was sitting next to us as we had this exchange; i could almost see the auntie reach out to cover her daughter's ears, lest she be exposed to such blasphemy. anyhoo, needless to say i was glad to see that evening over with too.


sunday: vegetarian reception for my cousin and his new bride, with 99% of the guests being from our temple

conclusion: i was the designated photographer and was glad for the job (to keep me busy); the food was fine, the guests were fine, everything was fine except for the bloody sermon delivered by the "religious figurehead" of our temple. she wanted to bless the couple and ended up on a tirade about the evils of eating meat. sigh. that is SO not going to happen if and when i get married. again, i am glad that's all over with!

final thoughts: if and when i get married it's going to be a) small, b) simple and c) involve a barbeque in my backyard with close family, friends and lots of meat.

oh, and 'the modern day ken and barbie' line is a direct quote from the groom's mother - 'nuff said.

CET