psychoanalysis sucks

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!! MAY YOU BE BLESSED WITH HEALTH, HAPPINESS, WEALTH AND PROSPERITY IN THE YEAR OF THE PIG!!!

so canuckian left london yesterday. it was soooooo good to have her here for the week, i can't even tell you; we hung out, did a little bit of touristy stuff but not much, and just generally revelled in each other's company. i'm so glad she got to meet my school friends and check out where i live, experiencing a little of what my life is like here. i miss her already.

vij and i had an epic discussion about me and men last night; i'm exhausted. i don't even know how we got on the topic but it was brutal, in the sense that you're asked questions that force you to really look at yourself and delve deep for answers as to why you do the things you do and why you think the way you think. what emerged were the following points:

- i sell myself short when i really shouldn't
- i (think? still debating this) i want a relationship but don't think i can give it 100% at this point
- i don't want a fling (although it can be convenient at times)
- i deserve better!
- i don't like how i've been handling this whole scottish guy thing...mentally and emotionally, i'm turning into someone i don't like
- i'm much too honest and straightforward to play stupid games with men and have no time nor patience to do so, but i think my honesty and bluntness scares them
- i can't read subtle/indirect signs/words AT ALL; just say what you feel and cut all the indirect bullshit
- finding someone you care about that cares for you in return is fucking hard.

i bought myself tulips today to cheer myself up! partly because of this whole stupid boy business but mostly because i miss my sister.

CET :o)