onward and upward!

okay, this might disappoint some of you while others may rejoice: i will not be posting about my crush today. in fact, i will not be posting anything until something significant happens, for better or for worse!

tidbits i've been meaning to tell but got sidetracked with the whole crush thing:

- canuckian's home! she arrived yesterday. she'll be home until after mr. bing's wedding, at which point her life is, as of this moment, undecided. i am very glad to have my sister home, not to mention chili's very happy too, as this is the first time since we got him back in december that both of his sisters have been home together. we just finished celebrating the completion of her masters with some cake. congratulations canuckian!!! :o)



- i was wearing my "Rock How To" t-shirt from Threadless one day on the streetcar (see above) when two guys i was standing across from starting to motion to me with their hands. i realized they were both deaf and had noticed my t-shirt. the one guy asked me, through mouthing the words and signing, whether i knew any sign language. i only remember one phrase that brown goddess had taught me when she was learning how to sign, "my name is ________", so i signed it for them and they were very impressed! we then proceeded to fumble through a conversation in sign language and reading lips! i must say i was the one that did most of the fumbling, as they could comprehend me but i couldn't comprehend them very well. we managed to establish each other's names, where we all lived, where we all were heading, why i knew only that one phrase, and the fact that the one guy was flirting with me, saying i had a very pretty smile and a beautiful face :o) it was really cool to be able to converse with them, and lovely that such a random occurence could happen out of the blue.

- mr. bing's stagette party: two words pretty much sum up that evening - MALE STRIPPER. where do i even begin? ahhh yes, we begin with a "fireman" showing up at our door and being led to the bride-to-be to put out her "fire". the stripping music begins and we are treated to quite the show and smell, as this guy must've bathed in his cologne before coming over. PEEEE-YEW! he did his dance around the bride while the rest of us were hooting and hollering and taking pictures. when he was naked except for his g-string (yikes), he then turned to us and proceeded to LAY HIS BODY ON US, one by one, while taking our hands and rubbing them down his chest and smacking his behind. OHHHHHHH MY! then came the full monty, though you couldn't see too much of his bits because he kept hiding behind a little towel. not that i wanted a close up of his bits - he was just a tad too smarmy for my liking! i didn't let him do this to me, but apparently with one of the girls he LAY HIS PENIS ON HER CHEST and gyrated to the music! EEK! one of the other girls and i were clutching each other in half-fear when he came over to us; he proceeded to stand on the sofa, his bits dangling in our faces (though mine was buried in the sofa pillows), swinging his hips to and fro. hmmm...needless to say, by the time he left, each of us had memories (mentally etched and scarred) to last a lifetime :o) oh, and we also had his stench on us too, which i was only too happy to wash off when i got home! GOOOOOD TIMES...

- i'm in pain at the moment because i had my first dragonboat practice on thursday since last year; holy muscle spasm, batman! i was impressed with my stamina (because let's face it folks, CET is not the most active person in the world) but the next day i was feeling it big time. it was even worse the day after that, as business woman and i went to the beaches international jazz festival and proceeded to walk along queen street for three and a half hours. ouch.

- canuckian, brown goddess and i are heading to mr. bing's cottage this coming long weekend, can't wait! our last reconnaissance together before mr. bing becomes a wife :o)

CET

*sigh*

thank you for all your suggestions and advice folks, i really appreciate it!

what am i going to do, you ask? well, some people say that if i tell him how i feel i might be 'burning bridges' so to speak, as things might end up getting really awkward, leaving me without a relationship or even a friendship! muttonface said i should just relax and be myself around him (which i wasn't really, at least not 100%, because of this crush), and get to know him more as a person...things might not work out this summer (or at all in fact), but at least i'll have gained a friend.

we had lunch today and it was nice; we didn't head back up to the office right away but instead walked around downtown a little. i like how we can talk but there are times where we're silent and it's comfortable. perhaps this is a generalization, but i do find that with a lot of guys i've met, they do have a tendency to talk about themselves and never ask questions to the person their speaking to. it's always me asking the questions, creating the conversation, moving it along...maybe it's because i tend to talk a lot while others don't? perhaps they're just narcissistic? can you tell i like using that word, and that this post is starting to sound like crap? i feel like i'm writing in my strawberry shortcake diary from when i was little, spewing nonsense about my silly, schoolgirl crush...must stop before i make myself barf...BLAHHHHH...

i still find myself daydreaming about him for the rest of the day though, sigh...

CET :o)

unrequited

so i'm still kinda bummed at this recent revelation by my crush; emotions are fluctuating by the millisecond - what should i do? should i tell him how i feel anyway? should i just drop it and appreciate the friendship? how can i, he so damn cute! argh!

i've always been the type of person to tell the object of my affection my feelings for them, regardless of the consequences; i figure, nothing ventured nothing gained, right? a classmate told me somewhat recently that there's no point in having a crush on someone if you're not going to do anything about it, and i think this is very true. i mean, you might as well get it out in the open because once you know whether or not the feelings are mutual, you can move on, whether it be as a couple or as a single. better to know the truth than nothing at all.

the only thing is that i already pretty much know that he feels nothing for me. a) he's seeing someone, even if he said it was only 'sort of', b) sure we have lunch together sometimes, but it's mostly been me doing the asking, the emailing, the chatting, and c) if the guy was interested in me, i'm pretty sure he would've asked me out by now. i know there's something to be said for being shy, but i'm pretty sure he's not.

so, should i tell him? should i not? i actually do want to tell him just to get all these emotions out of me, a cathartic vomit if you will. that's how i've always functioned; i used to be fearless when it came to stuff like this, and i want to remain fearless now.

oh, and i know my blogging has been next to non-existent this summer but i figure, i don't live my life just to blog and i'm glad for it! i want to enjoy the sun, the city, my family and friends, and even now i still think blogging (specifically diary-like blogging) is innately narcissistic - i mean, just read what i just wrote, it's all about me and my stupid crush for goodness sake! blah! - so while i'm very grateful for my small group of loyal readers, you'll just have to wait until school starts again for a daily entry of my 'so-called' life! :o)

CET

p.s. let me know what you think i should do about my crush; to tell or not to tell?

big pile o' poo

i found out yesterday that my crush is 'sort of' seeing someone, whatever that means.

i am a wee bit upset :o(

i want to go to bed now so i will fill you all in later.

this sucks big poo!

CET :o(

my crush

okay, it's been a week since my last post - A LOT has happened!

my crush: there's a co-worker of mine that i think i am falling very hard for! it pretty much started when i started working at this organization about three weeks ago; i want to describe him on this blog but am slightly afraid to, as he does work with me and even though the chances of him finding this blog are slim to none, i'm not sure if i want to risk it. i will say that he is tall, very cute, has a deep and distinct voice that i can pick up anywhere in our open-concept office, and is a genuinely nice, funny, sweet and lovely person.

the kicker: i am moving to another department on tuesday, as they have hired someone to take over this post permanently (it's been occupied by temp after temp until just recently). i am only moving up two floors to another department in the same company, but i wonder how this will affect my crush and our 'relationship'? we have had lunch on a number of occasions, and i always stop by his cubicle to chat; we do have some laughs and half the time i wonder whether he's nice to me because he's just such a nice guy, or whether it's because he might feel a little bit of something for me! i mean, our hands did linger a bit when i said goodbye to him at the bar after drinks with colleagues on friday night, yes?

it's always weird too because as soon as you realize your own feelings for someone, your interactions with that person change; you're so aware of your own emotions that every word, every action, every look directed towards this person is heightened - constructed and delivered so that your 'best face' is always on show. being 'me' however, i have managed to put my foot firmly in my mouth a few times, and have walked away from him with more than just a mild case of embarassment on a number of occasions. i won't go into details except to say that while some people are smooth operators when it comes to navigating their crushes to fruition, i am not one of them; i am constantly stumbling and fumbling and generally making a fool of myself.

i guess, as with most things, i will have to wait and see - not sit idly by mind you, but actively take steps to making this more than just a crush. as canuckian's friend once said to me, 'this is the SUMMER OF OPPORTUNITY, and you have nothing to lose'. she's right.

CET

VIVE LA FRANCE...oh darn...

ah well, so italy won. i don't think they deserved to win - i don't even think they deserved to make it to the final, but champions are not always the most well-deserving. i'll give them the fact that they won the penalty shoot-out fair and square (barthez didn't stand a chance) but really, france were playing far better than italy for most of the 90 minutes. and what was with zidane headbutting the italian player??? dude, you're a soccer superstar in what will probably be your last world cup game - go out with some class, will ya???

friday: lovely and unassuming evening with business woman. did a bit of shopping (bought a beautiful pink and white strapless dress for $50, suh-weet!), did a bit of eating (butter chicken and paneer jalfrezi, droooool...) and did a bit of meandering up yonge (where we gave the leftovers to a homeless man, who hesitated before taking them, asking if it was 'spicy' - cracked me up, that's fo sho).

saturday: night on the town with miss suzy-q and her band of old high school friends. easy on the fifth was our destination and decked out were we! it was the usual meat market scene...the guy i laid eyes on i think was gay, as he was with another man and ignored all advances from women, focusing his full attention on his male friend alas...suzy-q got some lip action but that was about it. i just tried to get my groove on with the on and off musical stylings of the dj that night. i mean, 'home for a drink' by spirit of the west??? while i loved that song in my days at waterpoo, gimme an effin break, this is NOT university anymore!!! quit reliving the past and play something decent! and in the same vein, 'engine engine number 9, on the new york transit line' yadda yadda yadda, YAWN...despite the music though, i had a pretty fun time and it was great to finally meet the other half of suzy-q's world! the two halves finally collided, yay!!!

corso italia/world cup match: not too many stalls - i think everyone was too busy watching the game - stood outside a bar, standing on my tippy toes, trying to get a glimpse of the tv screen. lots of scantily-clad women waiting to pick up the pumped-up men after the game milling about, the italian flag being made into tiny tube tops and mini skirts. had an orange freezie and some water to beat the heat; left after the 90 minutes and ended up watching the shoot-out at a bar near yonge and eglinton. went with ferris and jmo - great to meet up, woohoo! went home to a happy chili and a seafood dinner, YUM...

ooo, gotta call brown goddess and fill her in on the gossip...

world cup withdrawal about to commence...

CET

hmmm...

i went out last night. ate food, walked, talked and laughed. laughed a lot. i liked it. it was good times. hope to do it again soon!

go france go! go france go! i'm going to be somewhere in little italy this sunday and i guarantee you it's going to be complete madness...CANNOT wait...

got my marks today in the mail finally, not too good but not too bad either, just as i expected. as usual my biochem mark was lower than my chem mark but i don't mind, i'm just glad i passed, seeing as how absolutely shite i was at studying this past term! yeah!

looking forward to the weekend...

CET

p.s. i love walking my dog after dinner - setting sun, gentle breeze, doggy trotting happily along - i think it's bliss...

p.p.s. there he is getting 'attacked' by his rubber chicken!

'the modern day ken and barbie'

holy shit what a weekend. let me break it down:

friday: cousin's wedding tea ceremony, then reception at banquet hall

conclusion: disorganization, chaos, relatives coming out to whazoo, happiness, joy, tears, lucky money, lots of gold = glad that's over with!


saturday: family friend's daughter's wedding

background: we use to play together when we were young, before a spat between one of the other families and my family caused us to not hang out anymore. bygones are now bygones, hence we were invited to her wedding (along with the other family that we feuded with). oh, and this was the first time we've seen our old playmate in about 10-15 years.

conclusion: some people are put on this earth to make you feel bad about yourself - she is one of them. no fault of her own mind you, i don't blame her at all, but it was all just so perfect it made me want to puke. she used to work as a model and her fiance (now husband) still works as a model; it was like i was dropped off on some alien planet that had a golf and country club, where all the aliens are wearing white (yes my friends, it was a 'themed' wedding where all the guests had to wear white. what did canuckian and i wear? black. foxy black dresses mind you, but black. i mean, white flatters less than 0.0001% of the world's population, am i really going to drop a fortune on a dress that makes me look fat? i don't think so. plus white is the colour of funerals and death in chinese culture, not weddings, so i was not under any circumstances going to wear white.) and look like they've stepped off the pages of a fashion magazine. at least the food was good and they had a jazz band, plus it was canada day so we got to see a bit of the fireworks coming from canada's wonderland.

best/worst moment: i was wearing a diamond ring on my right hand (a graduation gift from my family, using my grandmother's old diamond earrings), and would switch the ring onto my left hand whenever they played games where they asked all the singletons to come to the front of the stage, thus anyone who would try to get me to go to the stage would be met with a "i am engaged." of course the time comes for the throwing of the bouquet; i didn't want to go up there of course, but under intense pressure from my mom and her friend (plus canuckian had gone to the bathroom so i had no backup support), i slowly made my way to the front of the room. i hesitated for a second, when suddenly one of the 'aunties' - one that i despise, mind you - shouts out to me to get up on stage. i yell back at her "i'm engaged!" and she turns to my mom and asks "is this really TRUE?" of course my mom has to tell the truth, so when i'm back from not catching the bouquet the auntie asks that question that all singletons dread at functions like these, "so when's it your turn???"

auntie: "so when's it your turn?"
CET: "not for a long, long time thank you very much."
auntie (condescendingly): "but why not? it's a part of LIFE you know"
CET (fighting the urge to smack auntie's face): "i suppose so, but i'm busy doing other things. perhaps eventually, sure, but at the moment, NO."

then i looked at her with a "ask me one more question pertaining to my single status and i will bitch slap you from here to kingdom come" look. i think she took the hint. her young daughter was sitting next to us as we had this exchange; i could almost see the auntie reach out to cover her daughter's ears, lest she be exposed to such blasphemy. anyhoo, needless to say i was glad to see that evening over with too.


sunday: vegetarian reception for my cousin and his new bride, with 99% of the guests being from our temple

conclusion: i was the designated photographer and was glad for the job (to keep me busy); the food was fine, the guests were fine, everything was fine except for the bloody sermon delivered by the "religious figurehead" of our temple. she wanted to bless the couple and ended up on a tirade about the evils of eating meat. sigh. that is SO not going to happen if and when i get married. again, i am glad that's all over with!

final thoughts: if and when i get married it's going to be a) small, b) simple and c) involve a barbeque in my backyard with close family, friends and lots of meat.

oh, and 'the modern day ken and barbie' line is a direct quote from the groom's mother - 'nuff said.

CET