that's exactly how i feel about pharmacy

eloquently stated by the jinius...

have a lovely weekend!

CET :o)

and can i just say...

i rocked my new frock two fridays ago! i wore it to work at the bar and so funny: a bunch of students were playing "truth or dare" (how old school!) and one of the guys came up to me at the bar and said "my friends dared me to tell you that you look sexy but you DO look sexy!" hahaha, nice. compliment? i'll take it as such.

youngin' was also working the bar with me and, ahem, we ended up in some naughty dealings with each other at the end of the night. oops. it wasn't like fireworks went off and i think that's the problem - i think i've finally, FINALLY, realized that i don't want to shag him ever, ever, ever again. i think all this time i've viewed him through rose-coloured glasses because even when we were kissing i thought to myself "hmmm, i don't remember his kissing technique being this sub-par!" if that doesn't tell you it's not a good idea then i don't know what does. anyhoo, we agreed it was a bad idea to go down this slippy slope again; we also promised each other not to "act weird" about it when we see each other at school. you know how it is, you shag someone you're not suppose to/shouldn't and then the next time you see them it's awkward as fuck. nope, not this time, not if i can help it. i've seen him since then and it's been fine. another youngin'-related thing to irk me however is this:

a) youngin' is a big, flirty whore and will literally flirt the pants off anything that moves, and admits as much;
b) a "friend" of mine, who has told me in the past that she would never do anything with youngin', especially as she knows our history, is flirting with him like NOBODY'S business;
c) seeing this peeves me.

i wish it didn't but it does. on one hand i actually trust youngin' when he tells me nothing has or will happen with this "friend" but on the other hand i'm not so sure. this "friend" likes to be a cock-tease and disturb the shit when it comes to boys; i trust her less than i trust youngin'! then there's always the argument of "why should i care?" i shouldn't really, i know i shouldn't, but i do. argh. i'm not working the next few shifts at the bar (until the new year if i can swing it); i'm glad because it means less exposure to the two of them.

i need to get away from all that malarkey.

CET

no imagination to even think of an appropriate title!

a lovely cupcake a friend surprised me with, as i was feeling a little under the weather and she thought a whole load of chocolately, sugary goodness would cure me. no cure alas but it was tasty, tasty, yummy goodness:



the graham norton show last wednesday! reese witherspoon, paul o'grady and the ting tings were guests. it was my second time to a taping of the show and like the first, it passed by in a flash!



kitty cat! here is one of my landlord's cats hanging out on my desk while i was trying to do homework (or reading blogs, whatever!). he likes to sit on my lap while i'm in front of the computer. i like it because he's like my little radiator:



i stumbled upon a warehouse in my neighbourhood that's been converted to a viennese cafe/bar/craft space/theatre space/music space/general place for artsy-fartsy-ness. i found a lovely dragonfly brooch for a couple of quid! bought a book of illustrations from this cute, painfully shy guy who poured his heart into his illustrations but couldn't look me in the eye for longer than a second. i swear he wouldn't know what flirting was if it came up and punched him in the face. pity.



it's december! i have a couple of deadlines next week that i have to meet, on top of my two jobs and classes and such; all i want to do right now though is sleep. tomorrow, tomorrow i'll get crackin'...

CET :o)

nouveau frock

eeeee, i'm excited - i bought a new dress today! no particular reason, just shopping along brick lane with some friends. i had seen this dress yesterday at my favourite clothes shop but needed a second opinion; they each ended up buying a dress as well! it was a very fruitful excursion for all of us. here are a few pics:







i don't know why i'm so frivolously excited over a new dress but i am. even though i'm working at the school bar tomorrow night i might just wear it anyway.

i'm off to iron my new dress!

CET :o)

geraldine and me

and it's now mid-november.

house: i'm enjoying living in my new place; the landlord and i are getting along and it's been fun having his little boy around the house and two cats that like to be cuddled. i might not be the only tenant though...

a little while ago i had a very scary dream. i don't have nightmares often but when i do they're pretty vivid and pretty frightening. i won't go into the details but suffice it to say it involved ghosts. i woke up so scared that i turned on all the lights and slept with them on until morning. when i went downstairs to the kitchen the next day my landlord asked why i had the lights on so late at night, as he saw light coming through the cracks around the door when he woke up to use the loo. i felt kind of silly telling him it was because i had a dream about ghosts, but my embarrassment grew into fear when he said he believes ghosts do "live" on the premises. WHAT??? he said him and his ex-wife always had a strange feeling about the house and that previous tenants have mentioned the same feeling. uh-oh, this didn't sound good. thank goodness it's only been strange feelings so far and nothing visual - feelings i can handle but visuals? oh HELL no.

anyhoo, i was pretty scared for the rest of that week but things have somewhat settled and i'm fine with it all now, whether or not they do exist. half the time i think it's just my imagination as my mind can get carried away pretty quickly; case in point: while reading a blog i came across a picture of a zombie for literally a millisecond, but it was enough for me to have ANOTHER bad dream, this time involving zombies, knives, blood and murder. talk about taking something and running with it!

job: i started my new part-time pharmacy job last week. even less time for coursework but the money is much needed. it's pretty good as i'm learning a lot and it's a busy pharmacy so the day just flies by. between my pharmacy job and bar job i'm on my feet for almost twenty hours a week...they are pretty sore by the time my shift's done.

barack obama: WOOHOO!!! GO BARACK! i was overjoyed when he won the election. i hate the election coverage and couldn't stand to watch it, plus we're five hours ahead here of washington and it would've been 4am by the time the results came in; i ended up going to bed and then checking the news online the moment i woke up. sheer happiness. i, along with many people - dare i say most of the world - were beaming and giddy with hope for the rest of that day. a black (bi-racial) president in my lifetime. sweetness.

westfield: a new mall opened up in west london recently; malls are largely a north american phenomemon but it's been catching on in these parts in the last few years. on wednesday i went with a couple of friends to check it out/window shop/procrastinate. i must say it's a pretty nice mall, all shiny and new. the support beams have been made to look like trees, all wrapped in fairy lights; we were hoping they'd turn them on while we were shopping there but they didn't. highlights included trying on hideous-looking dresses at topshop, inhaling a limited edition, cookies and cream cupcake from the buttercup cupcake stand, and snatching up a pretty cool hoodie for ten quid from republic. lowlights included a toilet seat that wasn't even screwed on and no hooks in the stall to hang your coat or purchases. boo.

body mass index: so during a quiet period at the pharmacy one day i decided to check my bmi. i got a bit of a shock as it's on the borderline between "okay" and "overweight", for someone of my height. i'm a little weary of bmi's being a true marker of one's weight/general health but even so, it threw me a little. i mean to look at me you wouldn't see an obviously overweight person - at all - but knowing me and even through reading this blog you would know that i do love my food and can never really say no to another helping of dinner or another biscuit or chocolate bar. heck, i ate a limited edition, cookies and cream cupcake without even blinking. hmmm. it's going to be hard but i'm going to try to lay off the sweets a bit and eat more fruits and vegetables. on the fruit and veggie front i'm actually doing pretty good - i add fresh fruit to my cereal in the mornings and at times i'll eat a bowl full of berries, yoghurt and honey - i think the challenge for me will be limiting my sugar intake. CET LOOOOOVES SUGAR. LOOOOOOOOOOVES IT. it's going to be hard.

ball committee: i joined the midsessional ball committee at school. back in high school i was on the ball committee as well. i think i joined it so i can make sure the ball won't suck. i think that's a good reason to join, don't you? we're hoping to hold it somewhere cool like a museum or something, instead of your run-of-the-mill hotel, but these places are pretty pricey so we'll see what we end up with (probably a run-of-the-mill hotel).

have a great week people!

CET :o)

darkness

it's just past five and the sky is pitch black. yuck.

the opposite end of the spectrum

i went to a baby shower yesterday.

don't get me wrong, i think kids are great, but i've realized that my yearly baby shower quota stands at one. one and one only per year thank you; that's all i think i can tolerate.

yes, baby clothes are cute - so tiny and soft like the babies that wear them - but after the millionth "awwwww" over a onesie or towel or bib with an animal of some sort stitched on it i think i was ready to scream.

it seems like you need a whole shitload of things to care for a baby nowadays; people back in the day raised kids with barely more than a rag and they survived - does one really need a top-of-the-line stroller that's as big as a SUV? or a bassinette made of some quality wood or strips of wood or whatever the fuck they make bassinettes with? seriously!

this post isn't meant to sound bitter so i apologize if it does; i personally think baby showers are a big to-do when it's not necessary. i'm not a mom but if there are any moms out there that read this blog (i can think of one), can you tell me if you prefer yet another baby outfit or diapers to last you the month? if i was a mom i know which one i'd prefer.

in other news, it was halloween on friday! i had to work at the bar but dressed up as a cat. here is a pic of my tail, as that's the only pic where you can't see my face:



it was a good night but i got verbally slaughtered by my fellow barman and another friend, who could not stop with the "pussy" jokes because they're mature like that. i knew (too late) that i would be subject to their merciless teasing but oh well! what i could not tolerate was this one student who came up to the bar and screamed "PUSSY!" to get my attention so that i could serve him drinks; i told him to shut the fuck up, as he screamed this in full earshot of my professors who were also at the bar! dickwad.

anyhoo, in addition to my bar work i'm starting a part-time pharmacy job this week; i slightly regret taking this job as it means even less time for schoolwork, but i know i'd regret it if i didn't take it as it's money that's (always) needed. this is the prime difference between me and the other foreign students at my school - they spend their halloween getting VIP table service at a high-end london nightclub (no joke) while i work the bar. :o/

have a great week everyone!

CET

how to feel your age

i'm settling into my new place nicely. the landlord's pretty cool and laidback and it's been fun playing with his three year old son (i.e. another means for procrastination); one of his cats acts more like a dog and is always coming up to me for cuddles which is nice. i think i'll always be a dog person at heart but cats have a wee space there too.

do you remember when you were in your early twenties, and how you thought thirty was positively ancient? do young people today feel the same way about thirty year olds as we did then? god, you know you're old when you use the term "young people".

i'm having thoughts/musings about being a "mature" student amongst 21 year olds but i can't seem to articulate them. i've written and deleted several attempts. basically i think i feel kind of stuck in between the 21 year old's world and the world i think i should be in, which is the thirty-something's. all i do is hang around people much younger than myself (due to my degree course - no, i'm not a perv!) that it actually leaves me feeling somewhat intimidated when i have to carry on a conversation with someone who's my age or older. wtf?

i went to a concert last night with my university friends here; one of them got free tickets to see "one night only". hmmm. i think i might've enjoyed them more if i was a wee bit younger, but then again, if they actually played good music i don't think age would have been an issue. no, they weren't THAT bad - maybe i'm just that jaded? - i had to laugh out loud when the lead singer took off his t-shirt to reveal a red wife-beater underneath - the girls screamed in lusty approval but he was honestly the scrawniest boy i've ever seen in my life, i mean, look at this picture:



see what i mean? and again, skinny jeans rear their ugly head.

wow, this post is about a whole lot of nothin'. hey, here's a picture of the snow that fell in londontown last night:



i was caught unawares and did not have a hat nor scarf to keep the half-ass snow/rain at bay. got a little soaked running to the bus stop. felt slightly damp and miserable upon arrival home but am right as rain today after making a huge english breakfast.

oh, speaking of which, i might be gaining (and maintaining) the "middle aged mid-section" - the belly that won't go away even after a big session on the loo. spare tire, love handles, whatever you call it...i think it's gotten to a point where exercise of some magnitude is in order. now if only i knew what exercise was...

sorry to bother you all with such a shite post! back to work!

CET :o)

movin' on up

a few things i want to jot down before getting carried away with work (HA, who are we kidding - me getting carried away with work - as if that would ever happen!):

friday: i met a reader of my blog! in the flesh! totally out of the blue! i won't go into the details as i'm sure she'd like to keep her anonymity, but she figured out who i was because really, there aren't a lot of chinese-canadian girls in london (at least i don't think there are). it was slightly surreal, standing in front of a person who has been following your blog for the last three years...they knowing lots about you but you knowing very little about them...i must say, whoever would've thought this social dynamic would ever exist? the wonders of the internet, eh? anyhoo, i really enjoyed meeting her and hope to meet her again one day. hello reader!

movin' in, movin' up: i finally, FINALLY, moved into my flat yesterday. it's actually a whole house that i share with the landlord, his son and his two male cats. a house full of men, hmmm...first time i've lived with cats too so this will be interesting. the landlord also has a lovely little garden filled with flowers and fresh herbs - rosemary, basil, mint - i cut some rosemary for my roast potatoes tonight and i must say it's pretty cool to be able to do that. i'm only a bus ride from school and the neighbourhood's full of shops and restaurants that i want to check out; a couple of my friends also live in the area so it'll be nice to be able to pop around for a cuppa. i hope/i think i'll enjoy living here.

all hallows' eve: i'm working the bar that evening...i don't know if my student union's organizing a halloween party but regardless, i'll be dressing up. i must say that because halloween's a bigger deal in north america there is a greater variety of costumes back home than over here. i went into a party shop the other day and the only costumes they had for women were slutty french maid, slutty devil, slutty angel, slutty pirate, slutty witch...you get the idea. it's not too original but i'm thinking of being a black cat (like one of the cats i currently live with, complete with red collar). all you need is cat ears, a tail, some black eyeliner to draw your whiskers on and bob's your uncle. any other costume ideas perhaps you readers would like to share?

okay, got a lot of shit to do; must press on.

word up!
CET :o)

moray, anyone?

wow, a lot has happened in two weeks.

school started last week and i was thrown into that whirlwind, then an email from scotland came inviting me for a pre-registration (pharmacy training) interview at a pharmacy in a wee town along the moray firth coast. if you're reading this and don't know where that is, google it. heck, i had to when i first read the name of the town - i was like "where the heck is that?" anyhoo, a phone call and flights booked later, i was touching down in inverness for a quick jaunt along the coast to see about a job.

the place was beautiful but i knew that even before i went - it is bonnie scotland after all! i fell in love with the country years ago when canuckian and i toured the highlands together. the interview went well and by the end of it i was offered the job. i said i needed to think about it and they understood as it would require a least a year's commitment and the town where i'd be working is pretty isolated.

long story short: i turned down the job. if anything, spending time in scotland made me realize that i want to be home. i want to see my friends' kids grow up, i want to be a member of my hospital league softball team for many years; i want to spend time with family and friends and be an active part of their lives, heck, i want them to be an active part of mine. i told the pharmacist that perhaps if i was a few years younger (i am a "mature" student after all) and didn't feel somewhat of a time pressure, i would definitely say yes to a few years in scotland. and i must say that while the town and surrounds were beautiful, scenery alone should not be the only reason keeping me there; i honestly don't think i could've coped with the isolation. and i would also be the ONLY chinese person within a 20 mile radius - seriously! i met a little boy in town whose grandmother told me that he cried when he first saw an indian man because he had never seen a person with such dark skin before! bloomin' heck! i think i was only the second visible minority he had ever seen in his life.

anyhoo, i am grateful for this experience because i met a pile of lovely people and saw a part of scotland i had never seen before. i actually got a little verklempt when i spoke to the pharmacist as well as the pre-reg tutor on the phone tonight - i don't know why but maybe it was a mixture of guilt at turning them down, realizing how much i miss my family and friends and never allow myself to feel it, leaving a chance to live in scotland behind, a whole host of reasons really that i can't quite articulate...i just know that making this decision has been hard but in the end i've made the right choice for me.

CET

fuckin' eh!

i am finally done my literature review. THANK FUCKING GOD. seriously.

woohoo!!!

i have been virtually house-bound for the last three weeks. primarily by myself. little to no human interaction except for a daily hello to my two temporary flatmates when they leave for work and come home from work. maybe a few more words with them while in the kitchen, but otherwise nothing. i didn't realize how deprived i was of human contact until yesterday, my first day of school. i saw so many people and talked so much that i started to get fuzzy-brained and incoherent as the day wore on, like i had used up all my speech quota. by the end of the night i was mentally toast. even my throat was sore and dry from all the talking! few words to a million words spilling out of my mouth in one day. whew.

in other news, the "birthday" has already passed but it's been 3 years + 2 days since i started this blog! three years older and 358 posts richer (i hope); i can't believe it's been going for this long. to this day i still have pangs of "is keeping a blog too narcissistic of me?" but i've come to realize that whatever the blog, whatever the topic, whatever the post, it's the viewpoint of the blogger and hence in varying measures but all the same, it's about them.

i think the biggest bonus to come out of writing this blog is (virtually) meeting the people i have met and making the connections i have made, however weak or strong. whether it's been a passing comment, readers that lurk or friendships forged, this blog has allowed me to reach out to people i otherwise would never have met, and for them to reach back. for this reason alone i am glad to have started this thing.

anyhoo, i think i'm going to reward myself for finishing my paper by going to bed early. party animal i know.

love ya,
CET :o)

tookus numbus

1. my butt is numb from sitting in front of the computer all day. it's getting flatter and more numb by the second. i don't think any amount of squats or leg lifts will bring my bum to its former glory (hehehe).

2. what the heck is UP with men wearing skinny jeans??? who actually likes them? i was watching some vacuous fashion show on tv where two fashionistas had to make over a cute guy with absolutely no dress sense. what was the first thing they put him in? skinny jeans. hideous. absolutely hideous. someone should do a study on sperm count and skinny jeans, i'm sure they'd find a correlation.

3. current lit review word count: 4223. c'mon, almost there!

back to the grind,
CET

"rosie cotton...she had ribbons in her hair..."

"lord of the rings III: the return of the king" was on tv saturday night. for the last third of the movie i was in different stages of weepiness, from welly eyes to full-fledged tears. laugh all you want but it still gets to me, especially the bond shared between sam and frodo. bollocks to all those people making fun of their "homosexual" relationship - homosexual or not those two loved and helped each other through hell! the fires of fucking MORDOR, people, MORDOR!

current tally of rejections from hospitals: 3

current tally of offers from hospitals: 0

current tally of hospitals i'm still waiting to hear from: 2

current tally of flats found and rented: 0

current tally of words written in lit review: 1290

current tally of minimum words left to write: 3710

GO CET GO!

CET :o)

satan's spawn and other creatures

hello!

i should be writing my lit review right about now, but instead i will take this time to jot down a few things here.

to quote a friend's facebook status, "i am a pro at this crastination thing."

Satan's Spawn:

this past weekend was spent looking after a friend's brother's dog. let's call him "satan's spawn": a 2 year old yorkshire terrier who's tries to bite your face off when he's not pestering you for cuddles. freakin' weirdo dog.

a part of me feels for him because he's pretty much stuck at home all day and hardly gets taken out for walks; because of this, he doesn't interact with other people and other dogs, aside from his two owners. he also isn't disciplined very well, so this adds up to a dog that freaks out whenever he meets someone new.

friday and saturday were spent with him basically hiding from me when he wasn't all up in my grill trying to rip it off with his tiny teeth. i gave him his food and tried to play with him but he wasn't having any of it. fine, i say, then leave me alone to my writing and procrastination. by saturday afternoon he was coming around a bit; he finally allowed me to put the leash on him and take him for a walk. god knows i needed it as much as he did, after being stuck in front of a computer all day. i think that was our "breakthrough" because afterwards he was pretty much putty in my hands for the rest of the weekend. am i london's version of the "dog whisperer?" perhaps. :o)

i even taught him how to sit and stay! pretty good for someone he wanted to kill just a few days earlier.

anyhoo, chili dog he ain't but it was nice to have a pet for the weekend, plus it was a paying gig that also came with a surpise bottle of latour and a box of chocolates! bonus.

This Thing I Call My Future:

so i've hinted here and there about going to interviews and such...basically i've decided to give licensing as a pharmacist in the UK a shot, before returning home to get licensed in canada. the way things are going though, i don't think the UK wants me to practice pharmacy here!

i'm of two minds on this subject; when i first came over to do my degree i was adamant that i would return home as soon as i finished. it was never my intention to come to england to study pharmacy in the first place but i suppose the fates conspired to bring me here; if i haven't detailed the full story in a previous post (i don't remember if i have or not) then i won't get into it now. suffice it to say that i wanted to return home after this degree PRONTO.

don't get me wrong, i have LOVED my time here in london and wouldn't trade it for the world - i don't regret a second of it - but after moving here, there and everywhere since the age of 18 i think i am ready stay in one place for a while, and that place is canada. anyhoo...

studying here has provided me with an opportunity to get licensed here; if i get offered a great hospital training placement i would be hard-pressed to turn it down. i applied to four hospitals in london and the general NHS training scheme in scotland; here's my current status:

NHS scotland: had the interview, am waiting for their decision to come in the post;
london, hospital #1: turned me down without even granting me an interview;
london, hospital #2: had an interview and they turned me down;
london, hospital #3: had an interview, still don't know their decision;
london, hospital #4: haven't heard anything from them yet.

so my odds look pretty grim. i want to start my career in hospital so am not applying to any community pharmacies; if i stayed in the UK for another year or two it would be for hospital only. i would rather go home and get licensed in canada than spend a year plus in a community pharmacy in the UK.

if i don't get anything here i won't be too disappointed, as that would mean i would be going home! i had nothing to lose by trying and everything to gain so i thought "why not?" and decided to give it the good ol' college try.

i did get feedback from one of the interviewers; she said i babbled on too much (which i knew i did) and that some of my answers to her questions were a bit weak, which showed that i didn't do enough research about the placement itself. hey, the criticism was constructive and appreciated. they interviewed over 150 students for 2 to 9 places so she said if you didn't perform well on the interview day your chances were pretty much slim to none, if they weren't already. i can live with that.

anyhoo, i'll keep you posted on what happens with the other places i still haven't heard from. i have a feeling i won't get anything but we'll see.

okay, okay, back to the lit review.

CET :o)

kindness

a longtime reader of my blog surprised me in the most touching way: she gave me a bunch of flowers to brighten my mood, after reading my last post!

i've never met her though we have had a few exchanges through email. she knows my real name and left the flowers under such name at a location specified in an email.

this random act of kindness has touched me profoundly; to reach out to someone you don't know, to lift their spirits with a simple gesture, is so poignant given the times we live in.

i am going to do my best to pay it forward.

thank you so much, for more than just the flowers. for reaching out.

CET :o)

loose screw

wow. i think i'm a cliche. i just spent the evening watching old "sex and the city" episodes while eating leftover curry. i think the cliche involves eating ice cream but bah, close enough.

how the heck do you put the accent agu on top of the e in "cliche"? where is the button for that???

it's times like now that i think i should just finish my last year here and go home. fact is that while london is cool and exciting and just full of so much stuff to do, i don't feel like anyone here cares for me. no, i'm not being self-pitying, i'm pretty sure it's a fact. i've been here for a week and a half and i've barely seen anyone. everyone's too busy - everyone's always too busy - i don't think anyone would notice whether i lived in london or not!

no wait, there is one person who's happy to see me back: my friend gabby. love her to bits. she's preggers, working full-time and doing her masters of finance in the evenings. she is also the most beautiful woman i know. seriously. fucking knockout with a heart of gold. i wish i could see her right now.

okay, okay, i'm going to slap myself now. as cher said in a movie once, "SNAP OUT OF IT!"

rant over. must suck it up and move on. if progress was made in the lit review i have to write i would probably be feeling better right now.

oh no wait, rant not over. I HATE FACEBOOK. i hate it for telling me youngin' is now in a relationship. i hate it for the fact that i can click on his new girlfriend's profile and see what she looks like. i hate it for the fact that he's been tagged in a photo with his arm around her. i hate the fact that i'm still curious about him. i hate the fact that i even liked him! i hate the fact that he's good-looking in that roughian kind of way that just makes me want to jump and ride him everytime i see him! i hate the fact that he still has that effect on me. i hate the fact that i still want to shag him, even when the sex wasn't stellar in the first place! even with his knob being so big! i hate the fact that i know his knob is big!!!

whew. i'm spent. goodnight.

CET

flat hunting

i saw a house tonight and it was lovely - i'd be living with two guys and a girl - i told them i was definitely interested but they still have people viewing the place until friday, and told me they would get back to me with their final decision then.

basically it comes down to who they think will be most compatible to live with.

i feel like a contestant on a dating show - what was that one called? oh yeah, "love connection" - i'm viewing their house but really they are viewing me, inspecting me with a critical eye wondering "will she be a suitable housemate?"

i really like the house and even texted them afterwards, making a joke about swaying their decision with my mean pot of chili and the fact that i like watching the footie...do you think i just pissed away a chance at the house because i might come across as a stalker housemate wannabe? just from one text message joke? i hope not! :oS

i don't like feeling like i'm being judged. i bet you with two guys in the house they'll probably go for the hottest chick that viewed the place. not that i'm not hot (i have my moments of hotness!) but you know, it'll probably be some tall, leggy blonde.

hmpf.

CET

class with a capital "C"

i thought i'd post since it looks like no work is going to get done tonight; i had full intentions of starting my literature review (as part of my research project) in earnest tonight, but got caught up watching "the fellowship of the rings" on tv as well as a bio on girl with a one track mind. if i'm not going to be productive work-wise i might as well be productive blog-wise!

LOTR: have i ever written on this blog how much i love "the lord of the rings"? my university boyfriend first turned me onto the books; i remember borrowing "the hobbit" from the library, devouring the words and falling head-first into middle earth with abandon. I LOVED IT. the LOTR trilogy followed shortly after along with "the silmarillon" and tolkien's "unfinished tales". you know you're obsessed when you read "the silmarillion" - seriously, it's the history of middle earth before any of the events of LOTR take place - i even read the APPENDICES where tolkien explains the different elvish dialects - yes people, i was obsessed. fast forward to when the films came out; i followed the making of the film online, bought the special edition of each film (the editions that came with the models of the pillars of argonath, gollum and minas tirith), and even tried to hunt down the action figures they sold at burger king, hoping to collect them all!

wow. that's pretty scary, isn't it? i hope i haven't lost any readers. HA! :o)

you know, i still get teary-eyed when gandalf falls in the mines of moria, and when sam finds frodo trying to slip away alone at the end of the film. yep, that's me.

so much to update you on and here i am blogging about LOTR!

well needless to say i'm in london now; this week was a flurry of activity. a day after arriving i was back on the road on my way to glasgow, for an interview with the NHS (another post about all that later). i get back to londontown on thursday night, view a flat to possibly rent (i am staying at a friend's while trying to find a place), followed by a few hours' of sleep before T&A's wedding. today's the first day where i feel like i can breathe.

T&A's wedding was so freakin' lovely! class and style all the way, as only A would have it. he wore a CRAVAT for christ's sake - heck, their wedding "carriage" was a rolls royce! damn. and T was so freakin' beautiful it was absolutely ridiculous - gorgeousness and smiles the whole day long.

A and i have always had this running joke where he's the snobby, upper class corporate yuppie all about the "finer things in life" (like travelling first class, or at the very least business class) while i'm the leftist, bleeding heart liberal commoner who schleps it in economy. what i thought was ironically hilarious was a number of events during their wedding day that proves just what a classy girl i am:

- saying things like "for christ's sake" and "jesus christ!" in the ROMAN CATHOLIC church where they got married;

- giggling during the ceremony, when a baby next to me was getting burped after feeding and promptly upchucked the recently-ingested milk all over the stone floor;

- chasing the waiters carrying the trays of hor d'oeuvres because CET is HUNGRY AND NEEDS TO EAT (might i just add i had a partner in crime who was equally as hungry);

- taking the bride's fruity champagne glass off the tray for myself, only to be told to put it back because it wasn't meant for me (hey, how was i to know? it was free booze on a tray in front of my face! what do you expect a girl to do?);

- digging into my lamb dinner only to spray gravy all over myself, the table cloth and the two ladies sitting immediately to my right.

ahhh, it's always class and style with CET, isn't it?

i will have you know that i am, hands down, THE DANCING QUEEN. the music started after dinner and CET did not leave that dance floor except to get drinks or go to the loo; i was breakin' it down until the last bloody song. good times indeed.

anyhoo, ending this post here. these next few weeks are going to be hellish as i have two more interviews, the continuing agony that i call writing my lit review, and the never-ending search for a place to call home.

here's a pic of the lovely rolls:



sweetness.

CET :o)

let's fly away

i should be sleeping right now as my flight back to london is in less than eight hours.

i've been away from london for so long that it feels like i'm starting over again.

feeling a wee anxious, a bit sad - a post about how friends disappoint will be forthcoming - but at the same time excited and ready to move on to the next chapter of my life. it's my fourth year! my last year of school! so much to say about that.

okay, okay, must get some shut-eye. next time i blog i'll be back in blighty.

kisses,
CET :o)

articulated better than i ever could

from glamourpuss:

disquieting disquisition

CET

the way in which we die

hello!

note to self: must stop spending all this time on the computer only to turn it off without blogging a single thing. must write on blog first before getting side-tracked by all the great blogs out there, or else this blog will suffer (it already has). okay, here we go...

so my summer job at the hospital finished last week; it was there one day that i saw a dead body. the department where i work is located in the basement. i half-realized the morgue was down there too (i mean, that is where they usually put it), but i never really gave it much thought.

i was walking down the hall to the women's washroom (loo/toilet/restroom, whatever!); at the end of the hall is another hall perpendicular to the first, forming a t-junction of sorts. i had just about reached the door to the loo when right in front of me, at the t-junction, a lady and a man dressed in suits (from the funeral home i was later told) walked by with a gurney carrying its deceased load, underneath a wine-coloured blanket. i must say, the last thing you'd expect to see while on the way to the loo is a dead body but there you go; my heart leaped a little into my throat and i froze for a second, which was all it took for the gurney to whizz by past me.

this job (and this particular experience) made me think about death and dying, and the years right before you reach the end. death was the palliative care ward, death was the casual mention by my colleagues of "so-and-so" dying in this ward or that; death was going on clinical rounds, meeting patients who were in the active process of dying - patients who were bed-bound, requiring g-tubes and total care, non-responsive and cognitively impaired - basically (in my opinion) being kept alive until the mounting physical problems stopped giving way to solutions.

i had discussions with my colleagues about what they thought of death - did it ever affect them when a patient died? how so? how much? - i also asked them if they ever considered their own end-of-life scenario, and how they would like to be treated when the time came. morbid topic of conversation perhaps, but being exposed to the knife's edge of living vs. dying everyday, one does think of these things. it made me realize that sometimes just because we can sustain life doesn't mean we should - i personally would not want tubes stuck in me for years, with all cognitive capabilities having left me, being a burden not only on my family but on the system as well; i believe in quality of life as well as quality of death, and to me that is not dying with dignity. a lot of it has to do with the family's decision on how to best care for their loved one - i can certainly understand the need to try everything possible to keep the one you love alive - but in the end is it more to satisfy your own feelings, or is it actually about doing what's best for the patient? i have seen both sides of the coin.

anyhoo, i hope this post doesn't get you down and if anything, i hope it gives you some food for thought. i read an article today about scientific research into how to live a long life; there was a quote which read "the goal is to live to 90 or 95 and then die in your sleep." compared to what i've seen this summer, that option sounds pretty good.

CET

the fury that is life

AHHHHHH!!! i've wanted to post in sooo long yet i have no time! even now this post is going to be but a short list of the stuff i want to properly write about but have no time to bang out on my computer. in the future i'd like to/will be posting about:

- randomly seeing a dead body (okay, it was under a blanket and it wasn't so random given my environment, but it was still jarring to my senses);

- a story about my grandfather, and why i want to record some of my family history on here;

- a discussion of my life's plan for the next couple of years (gulp)

i also want to get back to writing about my daily observances of all things strange, quirky, boring, sedate, whatever; i feel like this blog has lost its direction (well, if it had any in the first place) and i'd like to steer it back on track. ooo, and can i just say i'm headed back to london in a little over a week's time, and that i'm slightly excited at saying hello to coffee shop hottie again? let's hope he's still working there!

over and out for now,
CET :o)

skin? who needs skin?

hello hello!

yes i'm alive, but barely - i was thoroughly battered at my weekly softball game yesterday. stupid, stupid me thought it was a good idea to slide along the gravel into third base while wearing shorts - dumb, dumb, dumb - i ended up with a sizeable chunk of skin missing from my right leg and butt cheek. i also managed to hyper-extend some ligaments in my left ankle somehow, oh, and i got hit in the left shoulder/chest area with the softball. whew, i get tired just typing that! but CET is a trooper and stayed in the game even though her wounds were bleeding - i'm a trooper, RAWR! :o)

did i mention before that i might be getting published? my research project went so well that my supervisors didn't hesitate to ask me to be first author on the first paper to come out of our study - fingers crossed it will be accepted by our journal of choice without any major revisions! i'm excited because all this has been such a surprise, the icing on the cake - totally unexpected but much appreciated.

procreation: my lovely friend mr. bing had a baby boy at the end of june. sooo friggin' cute. huge feet and hands, like his mom. :o) two other friends also gave birth in the month of june, so three babies have been born out of the seven that i know are due this year! babies poppin' everywhere, like an epidemic.

i've also completed three of five weddings, with the fourth happening this weekend. freakin' insane.

i normally read (for pleasure) a lot over the summer - while on the subway, at lunch, etc. - but i haven't picked up a book at all since i've been home. i think it's because i've had to read billions of journal articles for my paper and also at my summer job, that i want to give my brain a break and let it relax. i want to make sure that i leave a bit of each day to just let life sink in a bit, instead of always go, go, go.

walking home today i came across a dead rat in the middle of the sidewalk, UGH. how did it die so randomly like that? my mom thinks people have put traps out and the mice ingest whatever poison is laid out and die a slow, painful death, outside of the house and on the street. hmmm.

so while absent from the blogosphere, life continues unbound. as always i hope to be a more consistent blogger (i'm surprised there are still people that check this site!) but of course i can't promise anything - i'm just glad you're still watching this space. :o)

wherever you are, i hope you're well and having a great summer!

love CET :o)

bloodshot

hello to the few readers that are still out there!

i am REALLY starting to suck at this blogging thing, if i haven't already been sucking at it for a long time. other bloggers are just so much more disciplined about writing regularly, at times multiple posts in a day. and their writing style is definitely to be envied - they have such a distinct voice! - that i wonder whether my blog is just adding to the stinky blog crap out there. some blogs that i think are awesome are bete de jour, the pole affair, the over-educated nympho and the jinius. such different people from different walks of life with insightful, touching stories to share, all written with humour and tremendous wit.

life has been stressful since coming back from my week-long jaunt to londontown. i've had a manuscript to write, a new job to start and two presentations to do, the second one this thursday. i also have my weekly sports - frisbee, softball and beach volleyball - which leaves me pretty much wiped out by the end of the week.

i realized too that i know six people that are having babies this year. SIX! are we experiencing a another baby boom or is it just me?

i'm enjoying life but i also feel like i am just trying to survive it at the moment; my head is just barely above the water line. after this week i am seriously sleeping for three days straight.

this summer is going fly by like a streaker. i know it.

i hope this finds you all well!

CET :o)

high highs and low lows

found out someone i used to work with passed away recently and suddenly. what is UP with this week in london???

CET :oS

is the stork following me?

i'm here in london for a week to attend evil hypnotist's wedding. over the past two days visiting with friends, i've found out two of them are pregnant! i am very happy for both women but must say i'm in a bit of a state of shock. i thought i was still in the "friends getting married" phase but apparently i'm running headlong into the "friends having kids" phase as well!

CET :o)

a story about a cake

Once upon a time in a land far, far away, two women talking deep into the night. Shoe Gal and CET were discussing the heady topic of the number of men they had each slept with.

Upon hearing Shoe Gal's "magic number", CET joked "If you reach number X I will bake you a cake to celebrate!", knowing full well that Shoe Gal wasn't too keen on increasing that number anymore than she had to. The two women laughed and continued chatting until the early hours.

Fast forward to present day - Shoe Gal has met the "Man of her Dreams" and CET couldn't be happier for her, though laments to Shoe Gal that "Now you'll never reach number X so I'll never get to bake you a cake! Oh for shame!" Upon hearing Shoe Gal's account of CET's cry of despair over the lack of baked goods, the knightly Man of Shoe Gal's Dreams decides to take matters into his own hands, unbeknownst to CET.

The day he is to meet CET for the first time (also known as the "Hallowed Meeting of the Friends"), the Knightly Knight hatches his plan. He uses the instrument known as the "World Wide Web", combined with the tool "Canada 411" to look up bakeries in the Toronto area. You must be thinking "Oh how sweet, Knightly Knight is going to buy a cake for CET" but oh no dear readers, he goes one step further: he is going to bake the cake himself, but he needs some help. Knightly Knight may be knightly and all, but he can't bake a cake to save his life.

(phone ringing)

Hippie Bakery Lady: "Hello?"

Knightly Knight: "Hello! I would like you to help me bake a cake."

HBL: "We have plenty of cakes here at our bakery, why don't you pop by and choose one?"

KK: "Oh no, I want to bake the cake myself but I need you to help me."

HBL: "Um sir, we don't allow customers into the kitchen to bake their own cake; I am sorry but I cannot allow it."

KK: "I understand dear Hippie Bakery Lady, but if you listen to me tell my tale and deem it a worthy one, will you relent and allow me to bake a cake with you?"

HBL: "Hmmm, well this story had better be a good one."

Knightly Knight proceeds to weave the tale of Shoe Gal's magic number and how she'll never reach number X now that she's found KK, because he will be her last. "A cake will be lost because of me, so I am determined to make it up to CET," he says. Hippie Bakery Lady is entranced by the tale and deems it a worthy one, so she agrees to allow Knightly Knight into her kitchen where they will bake a cake like no other.

A few hours later the deed is done; a cake emerges from the depths of the bakery - deep, rich chocolate covered in an oozing waterfall of caramel and coconut - the likes of which few have seen and few will ever see. Knightly Knight is pleased.

At the appointed time and place that evening, Shoe Gal brings Knightly Knight to have an audience with CET. Their greeting is warm and friendly; in his hands Knightly Knight is holding a big white box that puzzles both Shoe Gal and CET. With a flourish he presents the box to CET and recounts the events of the day, leading up to this glorious masterpiece. Both Shoe Gal and CET are shocked and overwhelmingly impressed; the cake is an edible aria that delights all the senses. With this simple act Knightly Knight has accomplished three things:

1) He has made an immediately grand and lasting impression on CET, which is of extreme importance in any relationship - the winning over of the significant other's friends;

2) He has gained a multitude of brownie points with Shoe Gal, resulting in lots of hot nooky that Knightly Knight has so richly deserved;

3) He has baked a cake that will go down in history not only for it's unbelieveable taste, but for the story attached to it that will be passed on through the ages.

They all sat down and thoroughly enjoyed the chocolate and caramel dream, and all was well in the Kingdom.



Moral of the story: If you're a dude dating a chick, bake her friends a cake.

THE END

CET :o)

mmm, brownie...

my mom's friend came by with a plate of brownies...i'm getting distracted by the thought of them downstairs - gooey, rich, chocolatey goodness, mmm - i'm just going to pop down for a bite (make that a mouthful, who am i kidding, several mouthfuls), even though it's past 11pm at night.

one moment please...

*deep, satisfying sigh*

that shit is good.

does anyone who read this blog watch "the hour"? they had a contest on the show to see what the "greatest thing ever" was; the final was between sex and velcro. sex won (OF COURSE) but i swear if sex was pitted against chocolate it would be a totally different outcome. i'm not even kidding.

ANYHOO, much has happened since my last proper post over two weeks ago. nothing juicy or gossipy to report, just the busy-ness of life and random musings in general. in the past two weeks i've:

- joined an ultimate frisbee team, a softball team and a beach volleyball team (yes, i'm crazy);
- had a friend visit from chicago and another one from london (though i ended up not being able to meet up with him);
- spent mother's day planting flowers in the front garden that canuckian and i bought for my mom (hopefully they'll live up to their name of "perennial" and we'll see them next year);
- filled out a survey about blogs that had me thinking about this blog and what it's all about;
- been continually amazed at the great blogs out there and the quality writing that abounds in them...blog envy? perhaps. more like writing envy; and
- bruised my arm from the palm of my hand up to my elbow

oh! and i have a wicked story about a cake (yes a cake, but not just ANY cake, a chocolate cake with caramel and coconut drizzled icing, OH YES) that i want to share with you all. can you tell i'm thinking of nothing but FOOD at the moment???

okay, okay, i will blog about all this but now i'm tired, plus i want more brownie. i swear, how do people find time to blog, let alone compose and edit their posts? sleep beckons, food beckons...

i think sleep wins this round.

CET :o)

p.s. blogger on macs sucks - there are less buttons for all the stuff you want to do. here are the links for "the hour", "greatest thing ever" and the blog survey i filled out:
http://www.cbc.ca/thehour
http://www.cbc.ca/thehour/greatest_wk7.php
http://betedejour.blogspot.com/2008/05/bte-report-truth-about-stats-and-blogs.html

sorry sorry sorry!

been really busy with stuff but my head's (somewhat) full of stuff to blog...just need enough time to sit down uninterrupted! hope everyone's well - will be back to blogging soon!

CET :o)

i just found myself on youtube

no, no, no, it's not porn (just in case you were wondering)...i was an actor in a trailer for a film a good friend of mine shot many years ago, i didn't realize he had uploaded it onto youtube! eek! you could click on the link and then click on the you tube link from his webpage, but i won't be telling you which video clip in particular features moi. judging by my low reader numbers however, i'm pretty sure most of you that read this are my friends and will figure out which clip i'm in. enjoy!

CET :o)

answer me this

when does cultural appreciation become appropriation?

shoo flu shoo, don't bug me!

two different viruses in two weeks! ugh, what an existence as of late.

glad to report that all that remains (knock on wood) is an itchy throat, runny nose and moments of phlegm. you needed to know that of course.

while i'm home in toronto i want to post pics and talk about it the way i do about london when i'm there. i've already noticed lots of things around my work that i want to photograph...just been waiting for the snow to melt and the sun to come out. now that it has i must remember to carry my camera...

creepy white guy/asian fetish: it's funny how there's so many blogs/articles/books/opinions out there about this topic that i can do a blogroll on it alone - box of jack - stuff white people like - how not to attract an asian woman - okay, so a blogroll of three so far but you get what i mean. everyone has an opinion!

CET :o)

i feel influenza

CET has missed work this week because of the flu. it hit her like a mac truck on monday morning and raged within her until wednesday evening, when it was replaced by influenza's good friend the HEAD COLD FROM HELL. can sinuses hurt anymore than this? i don't think so.

you know the video to feist's song "i feel it all?" it makes me emotional. it's weird, i know - the video's just of leslie feist running around oil drums giving off fireworks - but the combination of visual and aural, of bursts of light in time with her wonderful music and voice, makes me teary and red-eyed. perhaps it just my sinuses doing their inflamed thing but i don't think so. i love it. i love that music does that to me.



CET :oS

"promise not to stop when i say when"

hello readers!

long time no post. no one particular reason really...writer's block? void of thought? hibernation mode? busy but lazy at the same time? take your pick really.

highlights:

a classic girls' night out with sue, vij, canuckian and i: we had a yummy dinner full of good food and long-awaited gossip/catch-up, followed by glamming ourselves up and then heading out for some drinking and dancing. even if the club we ultimately found ourselves in was a bit on the slow side (where was everyone that saturday evening? obviously we didn't know where the "hip" spots were) we had a marvelous time. we shook our respective booties to the beat and i dropped some cheesy 80's dance moves (think "the butterfly") into the mix for some laughs. i chuckle to myself when i think that no matter how glammed up i get, no matter how hot i look in my backless top, when i'm on the dance floor with friends the goofy moves inevitably make an appearance. nothing screams "hot stuff" like doing the running man. :o)

FOO FIGHTERS CONCERT: OH MY GOD CANUCKIAN AND I WENT TO SEE THE FOO FIGHTERS ON SATURDAY AND IT EFFIN' ROCKED SO BIG TIME THAT I'M TYPING THIS ALL IN CAPITALS TO CONVEY HOW EFFIN' AWESOME IT WAS!!! I AM IN SOME SERIOUS LOVE WITH THAT DAVE GROHL - HE IS JUST PURE MAGIC - MUSICALLY TALENTED, FRIGGIN' HILARIOUS, CAN ROCK OUT WITH THE BEST OF THEM - THAT IS WHAT I WANT IN A MAN! OH, AND RUSH MADE AN APPEARANCE, CAN YOU BELIEVE IT??? WHAT A TREAT. RUSH AND THE FOO FIGHTERS ON THE SAME STAGE. EFFIN' ACE. HERE ARE SOME CRAPPY PICS FROM MY CAMERA:





i am still on my foo fighters high. mmm...

canuckian's in new orleans (i.e. n'awlins) at the moment for a conference. lucky bum gets to experience some lovely weather. i told her to buy me stuff. hopefully she will.

my research is going i suppose, the data i need from a certain department is finally coming in in drips and drabs...i don't want to get into it too much as it'll consist of me bitchin' and moanin' about office politics and whatnot...i get bored just thinking about it, let alone typing it all out for you to read it and get bored reading it...MOVIN' ON...

chili doesn't know it but i've arranged a playdate with him and two of my friends' dogs next saturday, two lovely bulldogs named aiko and norm! it'll be the first time they meet so i really do hope they get along. chili loves just about everyone (man or beast) but sometimes they don't love him back - may this not be the case with aiko and norm!

musings:

no musings to report really...like many people i have thoughts and opinions on many things constantly swirling in my head...none of these thoughts settle for long enough to crystallize into anything significant, at least not as of late. oh well, no worries...one can't be so introspective all the time!

gossip:

talk about a cyber-soap opera: i've been reading bete de jour (an ugly man's guide to life, love and happiness) and apparently bete has slept with his best friend's ex, right after they broke up! OH, and his best friend might have multiple sclerosis! sordid shit fo sho. check out their blogs, not only for the drama but for some pretty awesome writing too (well, bete's mainly, his best friend is very angry right now - totally understandable - and just swears a lot).

okay, i think that's about it.

CET :o)

another perspective

found this and thought it was an interesting post on being single. kind of relates (in a way) to my post from yesterday.

CET :o)

floundering in the snow

yet another snowstorm to hit toronto is right on top of us at the moment...have already been outside twice to shovel the snow (thank god for snowblowers)...this weather event has resulted in CET, along with most people in the city, being shut up in their homes hibernating/willing the snow to go away. i actually don't mind all the snow, i just hate being stuck at home on the weekend!

research project: a bit slow-going but it's getting there, just waiting on some data to come in. the supervisor who i'm in awe of is actually based in the states so i won't have too much contact with him...it's all good now as he doesn't intimidate me as much anymore, not after i had to tell him who justin timberlake was...funny story that. anyhoo, i'm deep in the middle of research for my literature review and i must say, lit reviews are not a favourite of mine.

musing: this past week and a half has seen me meet up with two friends of mine (separately), each with the news that they have found "the one". i am in awe of this because these two women are not the "typical" women who believe in the one and actively seek him out - if anything they don't believe in the one at all - but BAM! it happened, when they never expected it to.

i don't believe in "the one" or "your soulmate". why can't your soulmate be your twin, your friend, a family member? why can't you have more than one soulmate? why is there always such an emphasis on romantic love and not familial love or friendship love? and how come people always conveniently seem to find their soulmate at a time when they (according to society) should get married? i'm not saying it's not genuine for my two friends (and i am sooo happy for them both); yes i'm cynical but perhaps i'm also feeling the societal pressure of finding "my match", especially when i see it happening to people around me. a friend of mine said we need to "get our crap together, hurry up and track down our guys". i don't know about that.

i guess i'm somewhat conflicted because on one hand i find you always meet someone when you least expect it (i know i have), so a part of me thinks i should just do my thing and it'll happen when it happens. another part of me though knows you can't sit around waiting for that person to come along, you have to be pro-active about it, so putting yourself out there, whether it be joining an online dating site or just being more forward in approaching people (i.e. do whatever works for you), is definitely a good thing.

so which is it? one or the other or a little of both? if it does happen when you least expect it, then actively seeking people out will mean you DO expect it, so then perhaps it won't happen? who the fuck knows.

anyhoo, that's my musing for the day. thoughts and comments always welcome. i think i'm experiencing a bit of cabin fever.

word up!

CET :o)

quick note

i have a bit to blog about but need time to construct it and put it together. this is not helped by the fact that the internet connection's in canuckian's room and she's being a stroppy biatch at the moment. hahaha, i know she'll read this and say "SHUT UP COW!" ahhh, gotta love it.

yes we do have wireless but the hub is in her room, attached to her computer, which needs to be on in order for the wireless to work. her computer hums (as all computers do), thus resulting in canuckian's biatchiness because although it's not even 10pm, she needs her BEAUTY SLEEP.

as she would say "whatevs."

i think "the hills" is the worst thing to hit TV.

will blog more when i can!

CET :o)

holy mutha

it's fair to say that i'm overwhelmed.

today was my first day at the centre where i'm doing my research project. met with most of my supervisors and fleshed out what's going to happen/what needs to happen in the next three months i'm there. all of my supervisors are bloody brilliant (i.e. friggin' smart), but one in particular left me slightly quaking by his genius. actually, it was watching the speed at which his mind works added to all the tech-speak pouring out of his mouth, directed at me, that left me feeling exhausted just listening to him.

i need my shower and i need my bed. my brain is fried.

eek.

CET :oS

hot pot

well it's been three days since i got home...it's funny how my life is so different here than in london, primarily because i live with the parental unit while in toronto. there is always this "lull" when i first get home, settling in and whatnot, before my life picks up again. i have a feeling my time here will be busy.

i LOVE it when the plane isn't full and i get two seats to myself, ahhh...it's time like these that i curse not choosing the middle aisle, thereby getting a whole FOUR seats to myself!

i finally finished reading "the amber spyglass" by philip pullman, the last book in "his dark materials" trilogy, while on the plane home. i'm always kind of sad when i finish such a great book - i want to stay immersed in their world a little while longer - and you never have another chance to read the book for the first time. i would LOVE a daemon, though perhaps i already have one but just can't see him?

here are a few more pics of london (while walking along the southbank) the sunday before i left:



browsing for books



some guy on the edge of the thames at low tide creating a sand sculpture of a sea turtle



i liked the line of trees

CET :o)

change

i'm leaving london for toronto today. i'm starting a research project back home, although it will count towards my degree here. just finished packing my life up (how did i acquire so much?). my bed beckons.

whether i leave toronto for london or london for toronto, every single time i feel like i'm leaving just when things are good. like michael buble's song, "home", "it's like i stepped outside, when everything was going right."

don't get me wrong, i love going home, but i will definitely miss my londontown. here are some pics from the last few days:



Brockwell Park



View of the London Skyline from the Southbank



Christchurch in my beloved Spitalfields

goodbye london! hello toronto!

CET :o)

beautiful things

EXAMS ARE DONE, WOOHOO! and that's all i'm going to say about that. :o)

i came across this blog where the author chronicles three beautiful things that happen in her life each day. i have a week to bring you up to date on, and i can't keep it to just three, but i will pinch the format for today's post:

Beautiful Things In the Past Week:

1. sitting on the side of the bathtub with nunuk at 3am after a night of dancing after my last exam; we were soaking our aching, dance-worn feet while munching on fried chicken and chips.

2. chatting with coffee shop hottie and finding out he was born in the year of the monkey (making him 27).

3. having the time to wander around my favourite haunts (coffee shop, spitalfields, brick lane) without a care in the world.

4. going to bluewater with some friends and buying a sexy, very scandalous top.

5. finally starting philip pullman's "the amber spyglass" and being totally engrossed in it, so much so that i got in trouble at the pharmacy by my boss (but i didn't care). I LOVE IOREK.

6. celebrating the year of the rat with family, friends, parades, fireworks and GOOD FOOD.

7. a beautiful weekend of weather here in londontown.

8. youngin' telling me in his indirect, boyish but sincere way that he doesn't want to see me leave england. it made me smile.

number 8 happened at the school bar on friday; i was working and he showed up, buying me G&Ts (a job where you can drink on the job!) and chatting with me for a few hours before heading out with his mates for a boys' night on the town. he asked me what my plans were after graduation (i still have over a year left); i told him most likely i'll be going home to canada, though i have had thoughts lately about qualifying here in england first. he then proceeds to tell me that england needs more people like me, that i'm unique (although he used the word "obscure" i think, hahaha) and that he'll be sad to see me go. he then leaned over the bar and gave me a quick kiss on the cheek before dashing off.

before you get any negative thoughts in your head don't worry, nothing happened or will happen; i just think we share a mutual fondness for each other and that was his way of telling me he'll miss me. his speech reminds me of the scene from "bridget jones' diary" where bridget makes an ass of herself in front of everyone at the darcy's anniversary party when it's announced that mark darcy is moving to new york; she gives a speech about england losing its "top person" and "legal brain" and when youngin' gave his little schpiel to me, that scene came to mind.

i got this off of youtube (of course); it's a little long and i think it downloads a bit slow, but the scene's somewhere in the middle and it still cracks me up:



CET :o)

for a particular reader...

i hope you know who you are! enjoy!

CET :o)

one down...

...and one to go!

had my first exam today. i did the best that i could and that's that. am so glad that's over with! no more microbiology, woohoo!

am slightly drunk on a fine red wine at the moment...i was so giddy that i got through the first of two brutal exams that i couldn't wait to drown myself in red wine...mmm, wine...

watched "what women want", you know that film with mel gibson and helen hunt? ugh. i've seen that movie already but it's one of those things where it's on tv and you can't be bothered to change the channel...anyway...god, do i have a problem with it or what?!? like women even think of half of the crap that they think of in the film...i was telling my flatmate (male) that women only think of these things when actively psychoanalyzing a particular situation, geez...it's not like we think of men all the bloody time. and i think as a guy it would be an excellent skill to have, knowing what women want - no games, no bullshit just everything straight up - men always complain about not being able to read a woman's mind so now here's their chance! i would love to be able to read a man's mind, even for just one day...i'm sure there wouldn't be much there that i didn't already know (hahahahahahahaha)...sex, sex, and more sex, yadda yadda yadda...whatever, anyhoo, that was a crap film but i still watched it nonetheless, in my wine-induced haze...

now "weird science " is on, god i love john hughes...

gonna take my last gulp of the red wine, mmm...

CET :o)

just a quick note...

it's the day before "Exam D-Day #1" so i'll have to keep this short (something about having to revise); just wanted to point out to you all a new link under "Blogs I Like" - a hearty welcome to Random Pinkness! she's a student in aberdeen, scotland and i think it's fair to say we've become mutual fans of each other's blogs. in the grand scheme of the blogsphere my blog isn't either well-read or well-known but that's besides the point; i know there's a blogger community out there that i have yet to really explore and with ms. pinkness i think i'm starting to. so welcome RP and to my readers out there, check her out!

CET :o)

coming down to the wire

four days until my first exam, it's getting close...i just want these horrid things over with! i will be happily viewing the world through beer goggles on friday afternoon, shaking my booty to cheesy music like i've never shaken it before. oh yes, mark my words.

the last time i took a walk i made sure i took a picture of the roof of this house:



how cool is that? not something you see everyday. i wonder what possessed the owner to build that?

here's another picture of my current hood though it was taken a while back, late last year:



i love the sky in that picture.

i was so bad today, i was surfing the net reading all my usual blogs when i came across a jewellery website (based in australia) and ended up buying a necklace! it was on sale and will be in my grubby little paws in seven days' time. i think it's beautiful, and will post a pic of me wearing it when it arrives! talk about procrastination costing you.

okay, back to revision! i am such an exciting girl on an early saturday night.

CET :o)

yep, angry phase kicking in

i had a good long telephone catch-up with my friend nunuk tonight (he was in france visiting his luv-ah); i gave him an update on youngin' and upon talking about it with nunuk i realized something, which was enforced when i went back and read all my posts on him:

it was all youngin's fault.

i gave him the benefit of the doubt FAR too many times. i was there for him, empathized with him and took his side when he totally didn't deserve it! if it wasn't one issue with youngin' it was another. first it was him, then it was his family, next it was outstanding issues with his ex; god, and every time i sympathized, like he was the victim in all of these problems when really he orchestrated it (or pretty much most of it). i didn't want him to hurt so i let myself get hurt instead. what a fool i was! argh!

in a strange sort of way he reminds me of my very first boyfriend oh so many years ago, in my last year of high school; a moody, miserable git that blamed his parents and the whole world for his misery. only difference is youngin' wasn't by any means as moody as first bf was, plus he's a helluva lot more good-looking than first bf (a girl's gotta move up, not down!). :o)

though it's useless saying this now i should've known better with youngin' than to start something with him; his middle name is the same name as first bf - that should've been the tip-off.

CET :o)

diabolical writing

another day of revision comes and goes...left the flat today for a late lunch in the village, followed by a snail's pace stroll back to the flat. then more revision. then dinner. then revision. lather. rinse. repeat. lather. rinse. repeat.

back home over christmas i saw the movie "juno" and i loved it! paulie bleecker IS boss. and canadian too (the oh-so-sweet-you-want-to-pinch-his-cheeks michael cera). i didn't realize until today that it was written by a blogger, diablo cody to be exact. she seems like one pretty cool chick. i like her. here's her myspace link.

and finally, i stole this from diablo cody's blog but heck, it's from youtube. in regards to youngin' i think i'm feeling a little like angela chase at the moment, though perhaps with a little less teenage angst:



CET :o)

a desk instead of a ball

exam time is here and CET is deep in revision, that is when she's not checking e-mails every two seconds, checking facebook every two seconds, browsing her itunes every two seconds, going to the kitchen for a snack every two seconds, and generally procrastinating every two seconds, she is getting her work done. :o)

still actually quite bummed out about youngin'...the same questions that will never be answered keep swimming in my head; i think about what he's up to, whether he thinks about me and if so what he thinks...i want him to think about me and regret not taking a chance with me. i want him to miss me. and i wonder what's worse - not seeing him these next couple of weeks but thinking about him, or seeing him everyday at school and thinking about him - i just want him out of my head already. if i could just remove that part of my hypothalamus in charge of emotions from my brain, place it in a box on my desk, keep it there for the duration of exams and then place it back into my brain afterwards, i'd be fine. that's what i need, a hypothalamic lobotamy.

i left the flat for a walk yesterday afternoon, after not leaving for three days in a row (yes people, i am literally chained to my desk); i had to get out to remind myself what fresh air smelled like (in london it smells pretty much like pollution) and to stretch my muscles before they atrophied. i walked to the nearby village and came across a pile of tulips on sale...i ended up buying tulips in the same colours as the ones i bought last year, when living in whitechapel with vij. deep purple, bright fuschia and pale pink.

oh, and i popped by the coffee shop on wednesday and chatted briefly with coffee shop hottie; still as cute as ever and still with the same brown eyes that i could happily swim in. i daydreamed today that he came into the bar where i work and promptly chatted me up!

i miss vij. i miss my american classmate too (she's finishing her degree in the states). i miss having another fun, brilliant, slightly crazy single girl to hash the gossip with, to hit the town with and paint it red. anyone know where i can meet one?

right, back to studying.

CET

hope and redemption

took an (extended) break from studying tonight to watch "shawshank redemption" - i have always caught bits and bobs of it but have never seen it from start to finish - and it's beautiful. slow, understated but resonant with feeling. and morgan freeman? i love him. one day when i'm old i want the wrinkles on my face to be as deeply etched as his, each one telling a story.

in other news, i've realized i am quite annoyed with facebook and reading the current status updates of my friends. i mean, it's a well-known fact that facebook is a great stalking tool - you KNOW i'm not talking scary stalking, more like creepin' on your latest crush, that's all - and don't TELL me you haven't at least once looked up a past love, a current lover, or a long-time crush; what i don't like are the updates that suggest something about how the person's feeling or what they're doing, like they want the whole world to know but they don't say it outright - it leaves you guessing as to what they mean. shit like "(insert name) is up against the naughty wall." huh? do i even want to know? i DON'T want to know and yet now i sort of know and my mind's going in a thousand different directions! ARGH!

lesson learnt: do not read friends' status updates; disable function that allows them to pop up on the news feed and along the side bar. and don't blog when you think you're going to end up sounding slightly crazy. make that extremely crazy.

CET :o)

penile discussion

through The Girl's blog i found this new one from the male (or, three males) perspective, called Todger Talk. it's funny, witty and a great forum where men can talk honestly and openly about sex and relationships.

there was a particular post today on todger talk that i felt like was written just for me, given my recent experience with youngin'. click on the link and let me know what you think! i definitely do agree with the statment though that "in most people's minds masculine man = male chauvinist pig" when this doesn't have to be the case!

guys: you can be masculine without being an asshole.

CET :o)

signs

someone who works for the city of london needs to learn how to spell:



so true:



recycling is the devil's work:



just all in a day in londontown.

CET :o)

knots

i've been back in london since last thursday and jet lag is still kicking my butt. woke up around 2:30 this morning and had a hell of a time trying to fall back asleep.

it's gone past 10pm now and given my state of consciousness (or lack thereof), i don't think any studying will get done tonight. i still seem to have half a mind to blog though. :o)

i have that feeling where you need to be out of your own skin, if only for a little while. restless, itchy, wanting to scream and run around but not being able to. melancholy over youngin', stressed about pending exams...my mind and my body can't seem to settle.

i want to punch youngin' and hug him at the same time.

i was talking to a friend today and she said my problem is that i tell the guys i date too soon that it's not my intention to stay in england after i'm done my degree (it never was, it never will be). she says because it's established that i'm not going to live here permanently, it gives them the mindset that this will only be casual and that they don't have to invest their feelings in me, hence they will have fun with me for the time i'm here, but then as soon as i go back home to toronto, whether for christmas or for the summer, by the time i return they have already started dating someone else. depending on the guy they will either have told me right away (i.e. french canadian, youngin'), not at all (office boy), or only after i drag it out of them because they're too chicken shit to tell me of their own accord (i.e. londoner).

do you think this is the case? what's the point of postponing the truth, of telling them later rather than sooner that i won't be in london forever? get them in deep and then spring it on them? i don't think that's fair to the guy at all.

there's definitely a pattern to my dating but are they all connected or have i just been unlucky enough for it to happen to me four consecutive times?

my sister canuckian complained that i've been posting about boys too much lately, but i don't think i can help it. school and boys (well, a particular boy) have pretty much occupied my mind and my time since october. and do people want to read my whinging and whining about school, or about boys? :o)

i continue to have thoughts and observations about living in london and will try to write about them when i can, but at the moment everything seems hazy and grey and it's not just the bad english weather.

CET :o(