i had a recent email debate with an ex of mine (the only ex i still speak to, come to think of it) about whether it's better to withhold the truth in order to avoid conflict, or tell the truth and deal with the consequence, even if the consequence is conflict. he said some people value avoiding conflict over telling the truth, while i say that telling the truth is the right thing to do, as avoiding conflict just makes you chicken shit. what do you think?
and i know my next statement is a GROSS generalization but it is one made based on my own personal experiences these last few years: canadian guys value telling the truth while british guys value avoiding conflict.
my ex (the one i had the debate with) has always been honest and direct in all his dealings with me, when we were together and now as friends; i respected french-canadian guy because he told me straight up that he had started seeing someone who wanted the same things he did (i.e. a relationship), and that he didn't want to jeopardize that by seeing me, as i only wanted something casual. both are canadian.
on the other hand, my british ex (remember "ex-T?") recently avoided telling me that he got engaged, leaving the dirty work to mutual friends. remember londoner? we had a brief fling before i left for canada for the summer, back at the end of second year; he avoided telling me that he had started seeing someone while i was away, and only came out with the truth when i called him on it. and youngin'? oh my god, don't even get me started on him. i won't go into the gory details but suffice it to say that there were SHITLOADS of things that i didn't find out until well after the fact, because he was too afraid/chicken shit to tell me. all of them are british (or english if i have to be specific - don't want to drag the lovely scots, welsh and northern irishmen into the cesspool of deceit if they don't deserve it).
so there you go. why do you think this is so? what are your opinions/conspiracy theories? am i just particularly "lucky" in meeting all these english guys who avoid the truth like the plague? why do they give the truth so little value? maybe i give the truth too high a value. then again, maybe not.
what are your thoughts? your own experiences? any insight is greatly appreciated.
CET :o)
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3 comments:
We brits do avoid confrontation. And most British men are cowards in my experience. Saying that, I don't believe in telling the truth for the sake of it, especially when it will hurt someone's feelings unnecessarily, but that is used as a cop out far too often for my taste and if someone asks you a question, you should answer it straight or say you don't want to answer it rather than lie.
Puss
well, you are aware of my experience with english men. and i really do agree. even the irish would rather avoid and ignore you you like the plague instead of just saying 'i'm not that into you.' or 'i have a new girlfriend'. maybe it's women who are to blame? maybe the women on this side of the pond are more scarey or vengeful when dumped so these men avoid it altogether? but in my opionon, if you just want something to end, just bloody say it. to me, it obviously avoids the lengthy questioning periods or the constant texing wondering where the hell he went. did he lose his phone? is he dead? chicken poops.
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