it's been a long month.
i'm sorry for my absence from the blogsphere - i'll state the usual about how school is crazy and absolutely hectic but it's true, in addition to my two part-time jobs - but let's just skip all that and get to the gossip:
i met a boy and boy oh boy, it's been up and it's been down (it's currently down). what shall i call him? hmmm, i've had a few suggestions from a friend that i will not repeat here...suffice it to say he is a few years younger than me (i seem to have a knack for attracting the younger man)...let's call this one "the youngin'".
i met him while working at the bar, about a three weeks ago...yup, he was successful in picking up the bartender. the first two weeks were great - he's funny, teases me relentlessly, is straightforward and doesn't play games (well, until recently). all that changed last week.
i don't want to get into the details (i want to be somewhat respectful and not spill his beans, only mine) but basically the youngin' has certain issues to deal with and it's a case of "it's not you, it's me". it's also a case of his idea of "casual dating" being very different from mine.
i don't know how to write this without spilling everything, so instead i'll just tell you how i'm feeling. i feel sad. frustrated. angry. everything was going so well, and now he just leaves me feeling upset all the time. things are complicated by the fact that i see him pretty much everyday (it's slightly scandalous because he works at my school! don't worry, there's absolutely no conflict of interest here, promise), not to mention that he's a regular at the bar. and whatever happens between us (currently what's happening is shitsville), i'll have to see him until i'm done my degree in over a year and a half's time. great.
why do things have to be so complicated? why do boys always leave me feeling upset and empty, and even lonelier than when i was alone? perhaps this is what i get for letting myself go with people too quickly, and i don't even mean physically but emotionally. i don't know how else to be though, and i'm not sure if i want to change that aspect of myself.
it's only a week and a half before i fly home for christmas. i will be glad for it.
CET :o(
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7 comments:
Sheesh - we seriously need a catch up! Maybe when you are back in Canada? How long are you home for?
xxx K
i'm home for about a month, starting december 10th!
a catch up is needed indeed.
CET :o)
Seems like you get left hurt emotionally because maybe you expect every guy to be "the one."
j.l.: heck no, i do not believe in the concept of "the one" AT ALL. i've even been meaning to write a post on why i don't believe in "the one" for a long time now, i just haven't done it yet. so no, that is definitely not the reason why i get hurt.
i think the notion of "the one" is absolutely ludicrous.
CET :o)
CET - I agree. I really don't believe in "the one" at all.
I think people meet someone, fall in love, and then work on staying in love or don't.
I truly believe there are literally hundreds of people in this world we could fall in love with.
x K
Keep at it kiddo. Let's try to get together in late December and catch up. We're planning to be up there from the 22nd through 28th, perhaps staying in the big city for a night or two. Let's trade some emails before then and make sure we have all the necessary contact numbers. BETTER YET: you should steal a car and drive down here to visit our new home around the 21st and we'll drive back up together. Or, catch a bus down and we'll drive up in one car. Teleporter? Float plane? The possibilities are endless...
kiwigirl: you are so right, especially the line you wrote about falling in love and then working on staying in love or no. i find people seem to think that once you fall in love that's it, you don't have to do anything to keep that "lovin' feeling" when, if anything, you have to make the effort and show that you still absolutely adore the person you first fell in love with!
sillyhead: we will meet up, oh don't you worry! we'll continue this through email.
CET :o)
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