it's my lunch hour at the moment but instead of feeding my rumbling belly i am blogging because i am just slightly upset.
so i was suppose to go to a friend's housewarming tomorrow and i knew that office boy was going to be there. no big deal as it's SO in the past and he has a girlfriend anyway and i'd like to think we're both adults but i guess he proved me wrong. i spoke to my friend today and apparently when she mentioned i would be at the party he got all "weirded out" and basically made it obvious that he was not comfortable with me being there. WHAT THE FUCK IS UP WITH THAT? how old are we office boy, TWO?
i know you might think "well, what about your friend, she should've told him to suck it up as you're her friend as well". i forgive her because it's not so much about choosing which friend's side but more of "i don't want there to be an uncomfortable atmosphere in the room". besides, i kind of did that to her once so i suppose we are now even. there's karma for you, eh?
i just can't help shaking my head and laughing at this whole debaucle. i honestly wonder what's going through his head and why after all this time he is acting the way he's acting. he has a girlfriend, for christ's sake! oh yeah, they got back together after he shattered her ice-cold heart. whatever.
does he still think i like him? do boys think girls, once they admit their crush, will always like them - will like the boy to the end of the girl's daying days? i mean, for real? he is so full of himself if he thinks i still want him. my god, if anything now he just makes me want to puke. oh, and punch him in his stupid-ass face.
ah, feel a bit better now. off to forage for some food.
CET :o/
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
4 comments:
boys are stoopid.
I'm interested in knowing this too - maybe the boys out there can pipe up...once a girl admits she has a crush on you, do you honestly think she still likes you after time has passed? Whether something becomes of the crush or not, do boys honestly think girls still pine for them?
Speak up!
Ummmmm...maybe? I have no clear answer on this. What you suggest may be lurking in the back of some guys' mental processes, but I think the awkward/weird feeling CET is describing is more a function of guilt and perhaps cowardice.
(Remembering of course that this 2-cent psychology has been developed over too many pints and WAAAAAAAAY too little data collection from our society at large--) Let's assume the stereotype that men are goal-oriented. They like to complete a task and be able to look back at it as a job well done. If this mindset extends to their intimate relationships, they would ideally like to compile a list of women they 'hooked up with', i.e. made out with, slept with, how many times...this is all statistical fodder for self-evaluation. Such a list is simple to compile since the goals are clearly identified. Evaluating the emotional triumphs of relationships is much more difficult, and lists such as 'women that cried with joy when I made their birthday really spectacular' are rarely assembled.
Now, physically intimate accomplishments--because they are interwoven with emotions--become tarnished when the relationships end poorly. Men with no conscience might be able to look back at their list and say, "yep, I slept with 14 women, yay me!" whereas most men would admit, "I slept with 14 women, eight of them hate my guts and none of them talk to me anymore." In a complex way, this diminishes their achievement, and they feel a general sense of regret as a 'poor achiever', in addition to the specific regret they (hopefully) feel with respect to the loss of the individual relationships.
This scenario is exacerbated because most men do not know how to end relationships on a positive note. Consciously, they do not want to disappoint their partner, but when the man recognizes that he is no longer satisfied with the relationship, an unconscious will to sabotage it kicks in. They may drive their partner away after (perhaps subtle) negative behavioural alterations, later citing that, "she went crazy." If the man doesn't analyze and eventually rationalize the dissolution, he could feel a combination of confusion, regret for the failure, and guilt that he unintentionally hurt the other person.
How can the man resolve these negative feelings? The best answer (on paper) is that he seek out his ex-partner(s), have an honest and empathetic conversation with her, and sort out specifically what went wrong and how they can apologize to each other appropriately. This, unfortunately, is rarely accomplished since it requires extra work for a poorly understood (or valued) goal. Moreover, accomplishing such an emotional healing with the woman brings with it the possible consequence of reigniting the relationship. If the man has already decided that this is not in his best interest, then he will not take the risk.
The simple, and probably most efficient, method for resolution is to just chalk it up as a failure and try to forget it ever happened. Time, money and effort were wasted; few, if any, goals were accomplished; it's time to move on to the next task.
Fast forward, and the man crosses paths with his ex-partner. He is reminded not only of the specific failure in their relationship, but perhaps also of his (perceived) general failure to connect with many women. Her presence is a reminder of his poor track record and spawns fear that his current or future relationships could succumb to the same fate. Avoidance is the key to prevent this from happening, although this is almost certainly an unconscious realization.
"...the awkward/weird feeling CET is describing is more a function of guilt and perhaps cowardice."
i think that's so true.
guilt: office boy knew i had a crush on him and still went ahead with the sex even when he didn't feel the same way. i don't feel for a second that i was 'used', as i enjoyed it just as much as he did (well, almost) and knew exactly what i was getting myself into, even if it burned me in the end. i do think he feels guilty though that he took advantage of my feelings to get some nooky.
cowardice: before i left for london that year he e-mails me and tells me "he likes me". then nothing. two months later i find out from a friend (via my sister) that he's dating someone at the office. he didn't tell me himself. he knows he's a coward, a dickless wonder.
as for the rest of your theory sillyhead, i honestly know very few guys that would think about stuff like this to such depth, and be able to articulate it so well too. kudos to you! i do think what you say is probably a shape or a feeling at the back of most mens' minds, though they can never explain it as well.
thanks for your comments!
CET :o)
Post a Comment