angela chase

i caught a glimpse of myself in the train window the other day, and realised that with my haircut, now grown out a little, i look like angela chase from 'my so-called life'. remember that show? canuckian and i watched it religiously. the funny thing is that for the longest time (even now) i've wanted to dye my hair red. well, if i'm angela chase, then where's my jordan catilano? i hope he shows up soon, i'm looking forward to our make-out sessions in the boiler room of the school. :o)

i think it might be my hormones, but these last 48 hours have been depressing. i have been in the weirdest funk, even my classmate T noticed and commented that she had never seen me like this before. i don't know what it is, but i've been going through the day in a fog.

i feel like i'm back in high school. seriously. i go to class with a bunch of idiots who do nothing but talk during lecture. they're nothing but walking attitudes and they're not even all that smart as the admissions criteria would lead you to believe - i wouldn't trust them with tylenol, let alone any other drug. i know it sounds a bit harsh, but having to sit in class with them everyday makes me feel like i'm regressing instead of progressing in my degree. it got me thinking about whether i should even be here.

i know i shouldn't let stupid kids stop me from pursuing my dream, but i think about how long this degree will take and how much money i'm going to have to spend (and then spend the rest of my life paying back) and i don't know if i can do it. well, i know i can, but sometimes i just don't feel the will to. it's days like these that make me wish i could be happy at some regular 9-to-5 job, one where you don't really need to use your brain, and just be content to get off of work and relax. i think about being a hermit somewhere out in the country, perhaps raise llamas or something. i'm not saying raising llamas isn't hard work, it just that that kind of life seems simpler.

i ride the tube every morning to school, and i'm always looking around at people. i realise that i'm the only one that does so - everyone else is busy reading their paper/book, listening to their ipod, and generally not making eye contact with anyone. it's so sad to see a train full of human beings try their best not to connect with each other. sometimes london can be such a vibrant place, but other times it's just cold.

CET