my day off

here's the richard serra sculpture near liverpool street station, just a half hour walk from my flat.

yes i did go to the coffee shop and yes i had a brief verbal exchange with CSH and one of his co-workers actually (in which i might've slightly flirted), but no i will not say anything until i have indeed gotten his name and/or have asked him out!

wandered around spitalfields afterwards (as per usual) and visited my favourite gallery at the moment, kinetica. viewed their latest exhibition and absolutely loved it - this really is art from and for the 21st century. check out the link for more on their "luminaries and visionaries" show.

had dinner tonight at classmate T&A's place; T cooked yummy yummy chinese food and my belly was happy happy for it.

today was exactly what my soul needed.

CET :o)

sleepy

my tulips are in bloom! so lovely...

it's almost 2am; vij brought some friends home and we watched an ultra-cheesy yet classic hindi film from the 70's, hilarious. they're still watching it actually; i'm tired and want to go to bed, yet here i am blogging.

before they came home i watched "message in a bottle" (kevin costner, robin wright-penn) on tv. some of the scenes were definitely barf-worthy (like when they were having sex) but funny enough when costner's character died i was peeved; i caught myself actually wanting the hollywood ending!

i want to write more but my brain's too muddled to find the right words. much to sort out in this cranium of mine.

i don't have any classes tomorrow, woohoo! i think a trip to the coffee shop is in order, followed by dinner at classmate T's.

goodnight/good morning,
CET :o)/:o(

psychoanalysis sucks

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!! MAY YOU BE BLESSED WITH HEALTH, HAPPINESS, WEALTH AND PROSPERITY IN THE YEAR OF THE PIG!!!

so canuckian left london yesterday. it was soooooo good to have her here for the week, i can't even tell you; we hung out, did a little bit of touristy stuff but not much, and just generally revelled in each other's company. i'm so glad she got to meet my school friends and check out where i live, experiencing a little of what my life is like here. i miss her already.

vij and i had an epic discussion about me and men last night; i'm exhausted. i don't even know how we got on the topic but it was brutal, in the sense that you're asked questions that force you to really look at yourself and delve deep for answers as to why you do the things you do and why you think the way you think. what emerged were the following points:

- i sell myself short when i really shouldn't
- i (think? still debating this) i want a relationship but don't think i can give it 100% at this point
- i don't want a fling (although it can be convenient at times)
- i deserve better!
- i don't like how i've been handling this whole scottish guy thing...mentally and emotionally, i'm turning into someone i don't like
- i'm much too honest and straightforward to play stupid games with men and have no time nor patience to do so, but i think my honesty and bluntness scares them
- i can't read subtle/indirect signs/words AT ALL; just say what you feel and cut all the indirect bullshit
- finding someone you care about that cares for you in return is fucking hard.

i bought myself tulips today to cheer myself up! partly because of this whole stupid boy business but mostly because i miss my sister.

CET :o)

the world is alright again

coffee shop hottie is BACK!

i was having lunch with canuckian and classmate T at the coffee shop and had just bitten into my smoked ham sandwich when the door opens and in he walks, looking as fine as always. i was so shocked (and in mid-bite) that i didn't know what to do; canuckian, being my twin, knew something was up and instantly realized that CSH was in the vicinity, judging by my expression - she looked around and spotted him instantly. what does she do then? he comes over with a plate of food for classmate T and BOOM, she starts talking to him! asks him to take a picture of us as that's what tourists do, take pictures. i was so stunned all i could do was smile for the camera. man, i really have to work on getting his name now, as canuckian and business woman have each individually managed to speak more words to him in five minutes than i have in over a year.

i'm happy though because he's back. exhale...

CET :o)

we are family!

i'm so happy canuckian's here, i can't even tell you! there's nothing like having family here. i love my twin!

CET :o)

don't read this if you're a boy

i just saw some fireworks outside my window...at first i heard them and thought they were gunshots (hahaha, ahhh...), but then when i looked outside i saw all this glorious colour. i don't know why they were being set off, but it was lovely to watch all the same.

i feel kinda bummed today...i called scottish guy to let him know i was back from my trip; he said he wanted to meet when i got back. our conversation was fine, funny and flowing as always, but then he said he was "fully booked up" this weekend and how about this coming week? i told him canuckian's in town as of monday for the week, plus he himself has a relative coming to visit next weekend, so basically we kind of left it for the week after this one.

needless to say i was a bit disappointed, as we haven't met up for over two weeks now. i know, i know, i had exams and then my trip and all, but i was hoping he would be at least a little more keen to meet up, and would've at least had a bit of time this weekend to do so. it's just that in between dates (yes i know, i know, we've only had two but still) he's really not communicative at all, and it's always me sending an e-mail or a text here and there that he then replies to, and not right away either, more like twelve plus hours after the fact. is he just not a prompt e-mailer/texter/responder like myself? am i over-analyzing this? why does he seem so nonchalant about me in between dates, but the dates themselves are so great and i can obviously see that he's really into me? why is it so hard to find someone that likes you as much as you like them and wants to spend time with you?

so later on in the afternoon after our initial conversation, a friend gave me the idea to give him a quick ring and see if he would be free this afternoon for a coffee, seeing as how he his plans were for the evening. i called him but ended up interrupting him at an art gallery; i was so embarrassed i tried to get off the phone as quickly as i could. he said to give him a ring or an e-mail tomorrow but what's the point? I WANT HIM TO RECIPROCATE! PUT IN A BIT OF EFFORT! YOU CALL ME BUDDY, I DESERVE AT LEAST THAT MUCH!

i know i'm female and i obviously can't help it, but i hate it when i reduce myself to that type of female that i hate: neurotic, over-analytical, consumed by boys/a boy and what they think, what they feel, why they do this and why they do that, what does it mean when he does this, blah blah blah BARF. i hate it because more often than not (and if this is a generalization who cares, bite me) the boy in question/analysis isn't thinking ANY of these things, and probably doesn't even think of his actions or the consequences, he just does what he does and there probably isn't even a real reason for doing so, he's just being a boy. i hate thinking and thinking and thinking of possible explanations for said boy's actions when in reality there are no explanations there to be had. argh.

okay, i'm done my emotional purge for the evening, ugh. off to smoke some shisha with the girls.

CET

kissing the welsh in scotland

glasgow: really cool city, completely without pretense or snobbery; it has a character and style all its own, with a pretty vibrant arts and music scene. saw dan sartain at the nice and sleazy - knew nothing about him or his music going into the show, and came out of it pretty impressed - definitely want to go back to glasgow one day.

edinburgh: lovely mix of old town and new town...i've been there before so this trip was just about having a wander and relaxing. was at the pub last night having dinner (haggis of course) when four welshmen in town for the rugby sat beside me and started chatting me up! they plied me with a couple of double gin and tonics and it was fun flirting with them for a while, but then like the good girl i am (most of the time), i made my way home while they went on to the clubs...well, not before kissing each of them in turn goodnight (on their cheeks!).

made the four and a half hour train ride back to london, followed by the hour-long bus ride back to my flat (friday night traffic and all); showered, ate and now i'm so ready for bed (and it's 10pm).

goodnight!
CET :o)

glasgow is feckin' cold...

...but great so far!

left dublin on sunday morning. i woke up with plenty of time to pack and get ready, but then two minutes after i'm out of bed the door buzzer sounds - tan called me a cab and didn't even tell me! her and her man came back from their engagement party saturday night/sunday morning pretty damn pissed, ha ha ha...so here i was, scrambling around throwing my clothes in my backpack, barely having time to get dressed and brush my teeth. oh, and there was a thick fog over dublin where you could barely see two feet in front of you - i wondered how the heck my plane was suppose to fly.

anyhoo, made it to the airport and my plane took off and landed in glasgow no problem. schlepped it to the city centre to meet my friend shirl. pretty much chilled sunday evening as i was a bit hungover myself!

yesterday: on scottish guy's recommendation i started off my day at the university of glasgow, britain's fourth oldest university. beautiful main building with two cloisters in the middle - i felt like i was on the set of "harry potter" or something.

walked through kelvingrove park adjacent to the university - breathed in the crisp, winter air and enjoyed a bit of nature - then off to the city centre. checked out the shopping on buchanan street, then had a lovely afternoon tea at the willow tea rooms, a set of tea rooms around the city designed and decorated by charles rennie mackintosh. my afternoon was spent at the gallery of modern art (GoMA).

today i'm going to try and do a bus tour of the city as well as check out the kelvingrove art gallery and museum. then i'm meeting shirl and going to her tuesday night cooking class with her!

and yes, is friggin' cold here - my fingers are freezing!

pure dead brilliant,
CET :o)

a pint for you and a pint for me...

i'm done exams, woohoo! all in all i think they went well.

busy busy though right after; had lunch at my coffee shop (hottie still wasn't there, i'm getting worried...), a quick wander around spitalfields again and then home to meet evil hypnotist. had a good chat in my room while i was packing for dublin. JUST managed to get to the airport before the check-in desk closed (tip: when travelling to airports around london, ALWAYS give yourself more time than you think you need because trust me, you'll need every second) and then boom, on the plane and an hour later in dublin to meet tan.

slept in today until 1:30pm, it was so sweet. haven't done that in goodness knows how long. didn't do much today, in the car mostly with tan and her man driving around the city. had a yummy portobello mushroom burger at the porterhouse, a brewery as well as a chain of bars. checking e-mail now before heading out drinking with tan and some friends later on tonight. went for a drink last night from the airport too; the irish are serious about their drinking!

scottish guy update: not much to update other than we didn't end up meeting up on tuesday as he was busy and i really needed to study. he wants to see me when i'm back from my travels so i guess we'll see what happens then!

CET :o)

not too bad i think...

wrote the first exam this morning...went pretty well i think! save for a few muck-ups here and there i answered pretty much everything in full. hand was cramping up a few times, there's that much writing to be done, but i feel good about it!

headed to my coffee shop afterwards for a long, relaxing lunch. a cause for alarm (somewhat): coffee shop hottie wasn't working today, and i noticed they had put up a "help wanted" sign - i hope this doesn't mean he's left??? will have to go back a few more times to see if this is indeed the case...

wandered around spitalfields for a bit before walking home. i wish i could describe to you what living in east london feels like; books like "brick lane" by monica ali, "salaam brick lane" by tarquin hall, or "the east end" by alan palmer try to invoke the sights, sounds and smells of the community but i say you just have to come here and experience it for yourself! it's chaotic, gritty, lively and real and i love it.

CET :o)

the light at the end of the tunnel

my first exam is tomorrow, woohoo!

i'm excited because this means the end of studying, THANK GOD.

i know i shouldn't whinge so much about it as i've willingly gone back to school and thereby put myself in this situation but man, revision is torture. instead of whipping them or pulling their limbs apart, people back in the day should have just forced prisoners to read facts on emulsions, formulation of liquid dosage forms and colloids, yeah.

haven't heard from scottish guy yet so don't know if i'll be meeting him tomorrow evening after my exam. will keep you posted...

right, need to cram!
CET :o)

shisha, smoke and snog

the date went VERY well! i had such a lovely time and i'm pretty sure scottish guy did too.

spent the day chillin' with vij as i knew no work was to be done...puttered about until half an hour before i was to leave the house and then all hell broke loose! a hectic, last-minute wardrobe change, a huge surge of nerves then a quick hug from vij and i was off, flying down the street to catch the bus.

we met up and he had had a stressful day; i think we were both in one of those crazy moods where everything makes you laugh and you feel slightly unhinged inside. i liked it because we were joking lots and quickly felt at ease with each other. the photographer's gallery was pretty small so we were done rather quickly; walked around and ended up having a drink at the spice of life pub (where the sunday jazz sessions take place). again as on the first date we did nothing but talk, talk, talk - i love it when each person has so much to say to the other and the conversation's not one-sided. i did tell him about my blog - i figured the sooner he knows about it the better - and the fact that i've written a bit about him. i'm sure his curiousity peaked when i said that but he was cool about it - he didn't press me for the web address and respected my privacy. i'm sure that won't stop him from at least doing a preliminary search for this blog, but i didn't tell him anything specific so i don't know how he would even manage to find it! here's hoping anyway...

afterwards we wandered around soho for quite a long while, trying to find a restaurant i had in mind. my sense of direction, while normally pretty good, is completely shot whenever i'm in soho and i have no idea why; we finally found the place only to discover a huge line-up outside. thwarted. ended up at a burger joint stuffing our faces with HUGE hamburgers and chocolate and strawberry milkshakes, mmm...

the night was still young but i didn't want to visit yet another bar after dinner; i suggested a hookah lounge on brick lane and it was a hit - we smoked hookah/shisha with peach-flavoured tobacco, sipped our sweet mint tea and completely relaxed. we both don't smoke so it was pretty funny having two non-smokers trying to smoke a huge shisha pipe.

seeing as how brick lane is in my hood and the fact that i can walk home from there, he walked me home afterwards. ooo, i forgot to tell you - we were holding hands all evening and there were lots of little touches here and there so i knew something was going to happen (!) - so i asked if he wanted to come up to my place for a bit.

OK, OK, OK, so in "date speak" i know this type of invite usually means some sort of action is going to take place. i really HATE it when the guy assumes it's going to be action of the heavy-duty kind, because sometimes a girl doesn't want that and just wants somewhere private (instead of outside the tube station in front of the drunks and weirdos) to first kiss a guy! THANK GOD scottish guy is such a gentleman and didn't maul me as soon as we entered my flat (though sometimes mauling suits me just fine!).

i showed him around, gave him a glass of water, and we sat down to watch some telly. i KNEW some snogging action was going to take place but how do you get to that point? we chatted for a bit and then he took my hand and held it for a while; i'm glad that when he decided to lean in for a kiss i decided to lean in for a kiss too - it was warm and sweet and we spent the next ten minutes making out. it was nearing midnight and he had to dash to catch the last tube home so it cut our snogging session short; i didn't mind though because i think it was the perfect end to a lovely evening.

snogging or no snogging, i had so much fun! dates like that leave you on a high - just the high i need to carry me through exams.

CET :o)

relax and be nervous...

today's not going to be a study day.

no running water in the flat from 1:30am until this morning. i wonder why? it got me all worried before i went to bed and then kept me up thinking about the consequences - buying bottled water at the store, going to a friend's house to shower, going to the library to study instead...my thoughts quickly turned apocalyptic in nature and so i had a troubled sleep! my imagination is much too crazy sometimes.

it snowed yesterday and a little bit today, though it's all melted by now. as long as i live i'll never tire of getting up in the morning, looking out the window and seeing everything covered in a lovely blanket of white. i think it's one of the most beautiful things in the world.

countdown to date time today and yes, vij and i discussed wardrobe and settled on an outfit last night. i wonder if boys think about dates as much as girls?

wish me luck!
CET :o)

human contact please!

this studying business is driving me a little nutty - it's going well overall (i think), but my days are spent chained to my desk, confined to my flat - not getting up except to eat and pee. the only time i'm physically outside is when i walk to the internet cafe to check e-mail - my only interaction with the outside world all day! argh!

thankfully this will change on thursday night when i have my second date with scottish guy! we're to meet at trafalgar square and then check out the photographer's gallery nearby. i must admit i'm excited at the prospect of kissing this fine scottish gentleman; i've been thinking about it a lot because i'm not exactly good at this whole first kiss thing. well, not good in the sense that i've never had to initiate it - the boys have always been the ones kissing me first, ha ha ha - i mean, i may not have to initiate it on thursday but a girl always likes to be prepared.

i was talking to kiwigirl about this and we realized that while i'm brave enough to approach a complete stranger (something she says she could never do), she's brave enough to kiss someone first (which i'm not sure i am); perhaps rolling the two of us into one would result in the perfect date!?!

i have a tendency to get a bit nervous and shy, especially when i realize the boy's attracted to me, and end up laughing when "the moment" approaches. laughing is bad because invariably the boy will think you're laughing at them, while in fact you're laughing at your own nervousness and the situation in general. comments/advice/tips anyone?

okay, off to the grocery store to stock up on food stuffs...

CET :o)

gale force winds can't keep me away...

for those not living in the uk, we had gale force winds rock the island all day yesterday...scottish guy texted me in the afternoon asking if i still wanted to meet up. as if an 80 mph breeze can keep me away from a date!

my nerves were growing as date time drew near. as per usual there was nothing decent in my wardrobe to wear, so i end up in one of vij's concoctions. was looking pretty cute though if i do say so myself!

i was walking towards the station (our designated meeting place) wondering if i would even recognize him - i mean, we only met just briefly and that was over a month ago - i wondered if he would even recognize me! thankfully we recognized each other right away and after an awkward hug (one of those where you don't know which way to go, your arms bumping into each other) we started walking to the pub of my choosing.

he was cuter than what i remembered which was a definite bonus; he was in his suit (coming from work) and looked very handsome. we got to the pub which was packed, and found ourselves squeezed into the tiniest possible corner. from there the conversation just flowed and flowed; i was myself throughout the date, though perhaps from the nervousness i was talking a bit more than usual. he didn't seem to mind though. i must admit i got a little bit buzzed from the pint of beer, which i downed pretty quickly, followed by my usual gin and tonic; i hope it wasn't too obvious! i could tell that he was enjoying himself very much, and throughout the evening he was showing his interest in me more and more. his gazes got longer, he kept touching my back as we were walking, little things like that.

funniest part: in the middle of drinks vij calls me - she had already planned to call, to see how i was doing and if i needed a way out in case the date was going badly - instead of trying to save me, she tells me that she left her keys at home! for real! so she had to meet us in the middle of our dinner, waiting outside the restaurant for me; i quickly ran outside, handed her the keys, gave her a quick update (including squealing) and then we dashed off our separate ways. scottish guy was probably thinking it was all a set-up or something, but it really wasn't!

after drinks and dinner we went to a cafe in soho for coffee, then he walked me to my bus stop. i think it's obvious by now that i'm not a suave person at all (oh really???), so the goodbye wasn't filled with movie-like kisses or anything like that; my bus came quite suddenly so i quickly leaned in for a peck on the cheek (i can already hear your collective groan and shouts for more action!), and then i was off. i think i preferred it that way, as it leaves the both of us anticipating and wanting what's to come...

conclusion? he's smart, funny, sweet and has an accent that makes me melt a little. next week is revision week so i'll be buried deep in my books, but i will definitely come up for some fresh air and perhaps a little more kissing...

CET :o)

the juice

THE RANDOM SCOTTISH GUY I GAVE MY NUMBER TO BEFORE THE HOLIDAYS CALLED ME YESTERDAY!!!

how about that?

i was having an impromtu pub dinner with a friend last night when i missed a call on my mobile. i didn't recognize the number so i kept chatting to my friend. about ten minutes later my mobile rang again:

CET: hello?

SCOTTISH GUY: hello, (my real name)?

CET: yes?

SCOTTISH GUY: hi this is (his real name), we met a few weeks ago in brick lane.

CET: (long pause, as at this point i have no idea who this is as we had actually met in spitalfields, not brick lane (it's a street over) and so his statement confused me.) OHHH, HI!

talk about being bloody surprised. i actually told him that i didn't think he'd call, as it's not everyday i give my number to a complete stranger expecting a reply. he said he was really impressed with how brave i was to approach him like that, and that i seemed kind. we had a quick chat and i told him i'd call him once i got home, as i didn't want to keep talking to him while still in the pub. practically flew back to my flat and gave him a quick ring - long story short, we have a date on thursday!!! woohoo!!!

he sounded slightly nervous on the phone which i thought was sweet; he has a lovely scottish accent, sing-songy and lilting, that i already like a lot. after my conversation with him i ran into the living room and told vij everything; she launched into 'first date planning mode' - what to wear, purse checklist, where to eat, what to eat, what not to eat, etc. - i honestly don't care about any of that stuff (although i will dress so as to look as cute and sexy as possible, of course); i'm just happy that i'm meeting someone so completely new and different, and i'm excited at all the possibilites that lie ahead, friendship or otherwise.

lesson for today: GIVE YOUR NUMBER TO A COMPLETE STRANGER!

giddy,
CET :o)

the hell begins

1) my luggage has made its way home! got delivered thursday night, thank goodness; nothing was missing though someone did rummage through it, hmmm...

2) vij got back thursday, yay! glad to have her back at the flat again, as i was going a bit stir-crazy staying in at night doing homework by myself.

3) studying for exams, which are exactly two weeks away, commenced this weekend. i'm already going a little loopy and there's still two weeks to go! i hate this part of school.

4) i've been doing a lot of thinking lately about a lot of things...will need to post some of this crap swirling around in my head soon...

5) jason: you just think my secret was lame because you're not in it! HA!

gotta go!
CET :o)

back...

...to a grey, wet and blustery londontown, not to mention impending, soul-killing exams. oh joy!

my luggage did not arrive with me alas, it is somewhere in the deep void known as LOST LUGGAGE HELL...i hope it finds its way home soon!

what can i say but that i NEEDED that winter break? i LOVED being home and it was great to see everyone again.

blogging might be light (as if it isn't already) because CET needs to study her ass off. i have a few things to talk about but it will have to wait until i'm a little less jet-lagged and my brain is fully functional once again. ahhh, a fully functional brain...

zoning out,
CET :o)

new beginnings...

HAPPY NEW YEAR DEAR READERS!

after a christmas hiatus from my blog i am back! i hope everyone had a lovely holiday/christmas/hanukkah/kwanzaa/etc. and a fantastic new year!

the end of another year always brings about a bit of personal reflection; looking back on 2006, i can say that it was a very good year. i finished my first year of pharmacy school, worked a summer job that allowed me to meet wonderful people, and it even provided a bit of excitement in the romance department, albeit short-lived :o). one of my best friends got married and another six (six!) couples i know got engaged; i continued with my dragonboat racing and have made many more happy memories. second year of pharmacy school started and i couldn't be happier living where i'm living in london and with who i'm living with; i truly feel blessed!

emotionally, 2006 was much better than 2005. my heart was slighty bruised by office boy, but nothing that couldn't be mended; i continued to drool into my coffee over coffee shop hottie - he has indeed provided me with much fun and fodder for my blog :o) - and i leaped outside my comfort zone by giving a random boy my number! oh, and we mustn't forget forging new limits with french canadian :o).

anyhoo, here's to a fresh new year and clean slate of 365 days to fill with LIVING LIFE TO THE FULLEST!

CET :o)

yes i know, it's been a while!

highlights since coming home:

- brought back fresh lobster from halifax - canuckian, our dad and i had a seafood feast! absolutely magnificent.

- skating at harbourfront centre with canuckian - right by lake ontario, lots of space, not too many people and best of all it's free! loved it.

- helped canuckian out at the harbourfront centre on wednesday, making paper masks with a bunch of grade schoolers - check out my paper mask! it's suppose to be a phoenix rising from the flames.

- was suppose to go skating again on thursday with two guy friends, but ended up spending the afternoon drinking at a pub. had some great laughs. one of the best feelings is to be laughing with friends.

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYBODY!!! HAVE A GOOD ONE!!!



the view of the lake from the skating rink.



huge christmas tree downtown, bay and wellington



my phoenix mask!



chili wearing my mask.

love CET :o)